To think if DH wants to keep the kids off school he should take care of them?

[ASatisfyingThump]

They've gone to school now, so it's more of a theoretical question, but I'm still really annoyed at DH.

For context, DS2 hasn't been at pre-school this week because he hasn't been sleeping at night. He does this just before any sort of development, and we have been potty training, so I'm not too worried, but I'm also worn out because of lack of sleep and having a tired, cranky 3yo at home all week.

DH promised to sort the kids out this morning so I could catch up on some sleep. At 7.45 he wakes me up to get my opinion - DS2 is still asleep and DS1 is complaining of a tummy ache but no temp or D&V. I told him the DS1 should go to school (if he is actually sick or becomes sick they'll send him home) and since DS2 slept through last night he should go to pre-school. DH spent 20 minutes arguing with me until I said fine, keep them off then. 10 minutes later DS1 is out of bed and absolutely fine and DS2 is wide awake. So now we've had a huge rush to get ready and out of the house, I haven't had the lie in I was supposed to get, and I'm annoyed at DH for ignoring me when I said they should go in. If he'd gotten his way I would have had two completely well kids to look after all day instead of doing what I had planned to do. So AIBU to think that if DH is going to be such a soft touch about the kids staying off school, then he can take the day off work to look after them?

(I will point out I have no issue with the kids staying home if they're genuinely sick/exhausted, but DH really is a soft touch and DS1 knows it. I'm just sick to death of him trying to overrule me when I'm the one that deals with the kids all day every day.)

We always took it in turns to stay home with sick kids.
When you have limited leave, there is low tolerance for keeping them home.

Yep let him look after them.

Are you a sahm? In which case I wouldn't expect your DH to take the day off work unless you had an unmissable appointment.

I can't really understand from your post are you at stay at home parent? Because if so it would be a bit ridiculous for him to take a day off...

Completely agree with you!

If you don’t work why would he stay home? What plans do you have today

I don't think you're going to get many votes until you clarify whether you're a SAHM.

Yeah I got the impression you’re a SAHP too so it would be ridiculous for their dad to stay home to look after them.

I do think it gives you final say on if they stay off though (within reason).

SAHM or not, if he’s repeatedly keeping the kids off school for no reason I’d be fuming and demanding he take care of them. Might stop him from keep doing it when he sees what a wasted day looks like.

I wouldn't keep my children off pre-school because they hadn't slept well. Am I a terrible mother?

If you're a stay at home parent why would he stay off with the kids?

It's also peak season for d & v bugs so I don't think he's unreasonable for thinking that might be what your eldest had and if he thought DS2 was staying off for another day then I can see why he would think it would be logically easier if DS1 also stayed off otherwise you would have had to drag the 3 year old out to collect him if he was sick.

I read it as you being a SAHM too.
Why is him saying they should be off him overruling you, but you saying they should go in isn't you overruling him?

Are you really resenting the thought of your children messing up your day by being home with you?

Tummy ache is horrible. How old is DS1?

I think you should go back to work if having your child at home is so much of a chore.

My Dh has pulled this one a couple of times. IMO, he was getting out of the school run and all the shenanigans that go with it!

It's called "can't be arsed to get the kids ready because it's too much effort". And it's very common in lots of men.

Uh, he was getting up to give you a lie-in before heading off to work? What were your plans for the day while they were in childcare?

I would have sent DS2 to preschool all week regardless of his sleep. I work and my days off are precious to me (even if just to catch up with the laundry). I wouldn’t want my children getting into a habit of staying off.

TBH my DH wouldn’t have considered keeping the kids off for the things your DH spoke about so YANBU in this respect. Getting him to take the day off if you are a SAHP is though (or if it’s your day off work).

Even if you're a SAHM you are not unreasonable so say that if he wants to keep them off when they don't actually need to be then he should be the one doing the work looking after them.

Yeah, it's easy for him to be a soft touch when you're not having to go to work, no burden on him, but you're right, totally different ball game if he'd have to take time off to look after them. He doesn't get to dictate how you spend your 'work' day. Although alternatively you could make him do all the chores on his return from work that you didn't get to do because you were looking after the children.

It's not relevant whether she is a sahm or not. Her DH asked for her opinion and instead of respecting it, spent 20 minutes arguing. I would be massively pissed off to be woken up in the OP's circumstances because he didn't really want her experienced pov, only for her to reinforce his.
I agree that if he wants to override your opinion then he should experience the consequences. Sah doesn't mean her time belongs to her husband to direct as he sees fit.

@Aderyn19 her child said he had tummy ache. It's horrible to have tummy ache when you're young. That's why her DH said he thought he child should stay home.

Unless she works from home there's no reason at all that the child shouldn't stay with her if they were unwell.

She hadn't even spoken to the child. She had no idea whether they were ill or not. She just didn't want the inconvenience.

If you're a SAHP of course you should do the sick days.

I suspect you'd normally be fine with it except you're so sleep-deprived. Can your DH not do some of the overnights?

Tough really. One of the kids said they didn't feel well, part of being a parent is sucking it up and dealing with it.
Glad your kids are ok I'm sure that's the main thing you're worried about

It doesn't make any difference if the OP is a SAHM though! It's about her DH giving in too easily as well as not letting her have the lie-in he promised her.

And SAHM's have plans as well!

It's really not good for children to know that they can be allowed to stay at home for no reason, so her DH was definitely in the wrong here. Whether or not the OP had plans.

I’m a little on your DH’s side. It is difficult sometime to make a call on whether to send a child to school if they’re complaining about feeling i well. I’ve often had such a debate with my DH.

Given that it appears you’re SAHM, you seem to resent looking after your DS2 while he doesn’t go to nursery as he usually does and then to expect your DH to take a day off to look after another child if he didn’t go to school is actually unreasonable.

If your DS2 is awake now, I’d bring him to nursery - it might actually help- him sleep better tonight.

She knew he didn't have a temp or any d&v. She also knows her ds plays her DH because he knows dad is a soft touch.
It's sensible to send a child to school to 'see how they go'. 99 times out a hundred, they get to school and are fine.

@Dahlietta no I wouldn't keep mine off if they didn't sleep either. Illness yes. Night time faffing no.