Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if DH wants to keep the kids off school he should take care of them?

116 replies

ASatisfyingThump · 30/01/2020 08:54

They've gone to school now, so it's more of a theoretical question, but I'm still really annoyed at DH.

For context, DS2 hasn't been at pre-school this week because he hasn't been sleeping at night. He does this just before any sort of development, and we have been potty training, so I'm not too worried, but I'm also worn out because of lack of sleep and having a tired, cranky 3yo at home all week.

DH promised to sort the kids out this morning so I could catch up on some sleep. At 7.45 he wakes me up to get my opinion - DS2 is still asleep and DS1 is complaining of a tummy ache but no temp or D&V. I told him the DS1 should go to school (if he is actually sick or becomes sick they'll send him home) and since DS2 slept through last night he should go to pre-school. DH spent 20 minutes arguing with me until I said fine, keep them off then. 10 minutes later DS1 is out of bed and absolutely fine and DS2 is wide awake. So now we've had a huge rush to get ready and out of the house, I haven't had the lie in I was supposed to get, and I'm annoyed at DH for ignoring me when I said they should go in. If he'd gotten his way I would have had two completely well kids to look after all day instead of doing what I had planned to do. So AIBU to think that if DH is going to be such a soft touch about the kids staying off school, then he can take the day off work to look after them?

(I will point out I have no issue with the kids staying home if they're genuinely sick/exhausted, but DH really is a soft touch and DS1 knows it. I'm just sick to death of him trying to overrule me when I'm the one that deals with the kids all day every day.)

OP posts:
SmileCheese · 30/01/2020 09:32

She knew he didn't have a temp or any d&v

I'm not sure how the OP knew this as it sounds like she hadn't even seen the child who was complaining of feeling unwell as Dad was dealing with them whilst she was in bed??

GiveHerHellFromUs · 30/01/2020 09:33

She knew he didn't have a temp

If her husband was as much of a soft touch as she says, when she asked if he had a temperature DH would have said "umm I don't think so, I'm not sure" or something similar. He wouldn't have outright said no.

billy1966 · 30/01/2020 09:36

Your husband is selfish and trying to get out of organising the children this morning.

Selfish twat.
But I think you know that OP.
💐

Aderyn19 · 30/01/2020 09:39

Presumably OP asked her DH whether the child was being sick or if he had a temp and DH said no. Does she need to verify that for herself, when trying to get some much needed (and promised) sleep?

notanotherjigsawpiece · 30/01/2020 09:40

I can understand him wanting to let a DC with tummy ache stay off school - I’ve had quite a few times when my DS has appeared too unwell for school then looks absolutely fine an hour later.

If you don’t work then I can’t see why he would take a day off to look after them. Obviously if you do have a job then yes, it should be his responsibility

SmileCheese · 30/01/2020 09:40

Your husband is selfish and trying to get out of organising the children this morning

How do you get to that conclusion it sounds like he was already dealing with the children whilst the OP was in bed having a lie in.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 30/01/2020 09:40

@Aderyn19 yes she does when she's insisting the child is fine

BlackCatSleeping · 30/01/2020 09:41

It does all sound a bit shit. He sounds quite useless. As he has form, couldn't you have slept during the day while the kids were at school though?

BlackCatSleeping · 30/01/2020 09:43

How do you get to that conclusion it sounds like he was already dealing with the children whilst the OP was in bed having a lie in.

Because he didn't actually sort the kids out. He woke up the OP and dumped the on her.

Aderyn19 · 30/01/2020 09:43

Child says he has tummy ache, DH asks OP if child should go to school, OP asks for more information and on that basis says child should go. DH argues for 20 minutes. Why ask her if he doesn't care what she says? Unless he just wants her to agree and take over? If he wants to ignore her then of course he should do the childcare.

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 30/01/2020 09:45

I don't think he sounds useless tbh. One child saying they're not well and one (very small) child sleeping in because they've been "tired and cranky" all week - I'd be questioning whether they needed to go in too, esp to preschool. Kids can also go in a bit late too, you don't necessarily need a mad rush. If you're DC1 starts puking all over the classroom later then they've passed it on to everyone else too 🤢

GiveHerHellFromUs · 30/01/2020 09:45

Why, when she's already at home, @Aderyn19? Where's the logic there? Why would you not be happy to care for a potentially poorly child if you're off work anyway?

We don't know what he does for a living. He might not get paid if he takes the day off. Then who's going to pay the bills?

minipie · 30/01/2020 09:46

He shouldn’t have woken you up to get your opinion and then argued with you.

Either he makes the decision by himself (but then has to take responsibility for whether that was the right or wrong call) or he wakes you up for your view and then follows it.

He’s trying to have it both ways - not be responsible for the decision but also not have to get the kids ready.

Aderyn19 · 30/01/2020 09:47

I would trust my DH to ascertain whether our child had a temp and was being sick. I'm not sure she needs to see that for herself since her husband is an adult capable of wielding a thermometer

minipie · 30/01/2020 09:47

Forgot to add: as you are SAHM obviously it is you who would be looking after them if they stay home. But this is why DH shouldn’t have argued with you. Your say goes.

WorraLiberty · 30/01/2020 09:48

SAHM or not, if he’s repeatedly keeping the kids off school for no reason I’d be fuming and demanding he take care of them. Might stop him from keep doing it when he sees what a wasted day looks like.

Where on earth has the OP said he's done this before? Confused

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 30/01/2020 09:48

I agree aderyn but it sounds like DH needs to run everything past the OP rather than make his own parenting decisions

GiveHerHellFromUs · 30/01/2020 09:48

I would trust my DH to ascertain whether our child had a temp and was being sick. I'm not sure she needs to see that for herself since her husband is an adult capable of wielding a thermometer

But she doesn't trust him enough to believe him when he said the child is ill. If you have a tummy ache as an adult you don't ascertain whether you're ill by taking a temperature.

A normal temperature doesn't mean you're not unwell.

The parameters of health aren't only temperature or no temperature.

Butterymuffin · 30/01/2020 09:48

I'd have got your DH to do the rushed school drop off.

SmileCheese · 30/01/2020 09:49

Because he didn't actually sort the kids out. He woke up the OP and dumped the on her.

He didn't dump them on the OP he was arguing why he felt they should stay off as he thought one child was possibly unwell and the other having not slept all week was finally having a lie in. He presumably disturbed the OP she would be looking after them as she was at home. For all we know he does the childcare several times a week in the morning and never disturbs the OP we are only seeing one side of the story ey and a snippet at that.

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 30/01/2020 09:49

wasted day looking after your own kids 🤣🤣

MeadowHay · 30/01/2020 09:49

If you are a SAHP then yes I think YABVU. Ofc a working parent shouldn't have to take a day off to look after a poorly child(ren) when there is a parent at home Hmm lay-in is unfortunate but that's what happens sometimes when you have children, you can organise with him to have a lay-in another time, say on the weekend.

MadamePewter · 30/01/2020 09:50

Just because someone is a SAHP doesn’t mean they have nothing else to do than “look after” dcs who are not ill and supposed to be at school.

Nor does it mean that the other parent is entitled to assume they should and override the (correct) view of the OP.

user1333796 · 30/01/2020 09:50

I don't know why you are getting such a hard time about this apparent 'lie in'. Hardly a lie in when you've been up parenting your joint child in the night all week presumably while he has been going to sleep at a reasonable time and leaving you to it because he has to get up for work. Perfectly reasonable to expect him to get the kids ready at the same time as him one morning and take them but apparently you don't even deserve that. I imagine you are a very good judge of wether your kids are unwell or not. if mine don't have a high fever or vomiting they are well. I'd tummy ache comes on just before leaving for school they are trying it on. YANBU..

MrsStrangerThing · 30/01/2020 09:51

I personally couldn't send in a child who isn't feeling great because I wanted a lie in. I don't think your DH is in the wrong here, but clearly you do so I doubt your mind will be changed.