To be honest ( to a degree ) to 3 year old about periods.

[Cinders29]

So, my friend was round the other day ( she is a bit of a prude ) I was on my period and my DD3 went to the toilet and was like 'what's that red in it ?' You know when sometimes a bit is left in the bottom of the toilet anyway, my friend was like 'oh it's just jam!' I didn't disagree DD started asking why jam was in the toilet etc but soon moved on. I spoke to friend later on and explained that I had no problem with my daughter knowing it was blood. She is always asking what my tampons are and I explain that sometimes mummies bleed but it doesn't hurt etc. The reason I had to go into such detail is because a few months ago I had to race downstairs for something and I leaked - on the kitchen floor and of course I had to explain this to her so she wasn't shocked etc. Anyway, she takes it well and I figure I'd rather normalise it ( as it is normal ) so when we come to have the actual conversation in a few years time she's already half prepped.

Anyway, friend was mortified and said it wasn't appropriate etc and now I'm worried I've done the wrong thing.

Just wondering on everyone else's opinion on it.

Much more appropriate to explain things in child-friendly terms and move on.

Making up stories about jam is ridiculous.

I agree with you, she doesn't need all the details but nothing wrong with being honest and reassuring her it doesn't hurt, she doesn't need to worry about it yet etc.

Now wondering if you're going to catch your DD putting jam down the toilet to be like mummy!

Much better to be honest; I remember finding blood in the loo (it hadn't flushed properly) and being really worried that my mum was dying as a young child. Once she explained it to me in simple terms, it wasn't scary any more.

I said something like your explanation to my children of both sexes when they were that age. You have to when you share a toilet sometimes, the jam explanation would leave most children baffled and asking more questions.

I use a mooncup and I have had to empty it in front of DD2. I explained that it was from mummy and grown up girls get it and called it a period and that it didn't hurt. She cut her knee and asked if it was a period 😂 so maybe she didn't quite get it! But I will keep talking about that and using products in front of them! My mum actually helped put my first tampon I and I'd like to have that relationship with my two girls

Your friend is ridiculous.

Nothing wrong with explaining a factual situation in child-appropriate ways. I think it is more inappropriate to make up lies to be honest!

I've been explain periods to my DDs (5&2) in an appropriate way since they were old enough to ask why I was using a sanitary towel.

My eldest knows it happens every month but it doesn't hurt. She knows why I use cloth pads over disposable ones and where I keep them if I need her to bring one to the bathroom if I get caught short.

My youngest doesn't really understand but thinks my CSP are pretty and that they make great beds for her barbies!!!!

I didn’t know what periods were until someone at school spoke about it when I was 10. I was laughed at (by girls AND BOYS!) who all knew what periods were. My DD’s who are 6 and 3 know exactly what periods are and have done since they were old enough to ask about tampons etc. You were definitely not BU, your friend was.

Your explanation makes a lot more sense and won't frighten your child. At that age they just take things at face value, say "ok" and move on. I think, for a 3 year old, blood that isn't theirs and doesn't hurt isn't any scarier or more confusing than jam, so why lie.

No, I'm with you. Answer the immediate question in an age appropriate way and then only follow up questions. I do not add any more detail unless they ask.

I told DS when he was about 4. He wanted so desperately to know what my bag of tricks was for.
It went something like...
'Ladies have a place in their bellies where babies grow. Theres blood in there to help the baby grow. If theres no baby, the blood comes out once a month and gets replaced so it's fresh. These things soak up the blood when it comes out, so its not messy'
Him "does it hurt?"
'Yeah sometimes I get bad tummy pains and feel a bit tired and grumpy for a few days, but it's fine, it's not really bad and I can take a tablet to make it hurt less'
That was it. He wasn't traumatised one bit. And now at 10 he's completely fine and has never asked for a different explanation. We still haven't covered sex ed yet, but it's not really come up.

Dd is 3 and due to her having no care for my personal space has often seen me changing my tampon/blood on loo paper. I’ve explained that it’s something that happens when she gets older.

Although now whenever we have a wee in public she does shout “is there blood mummy?!” Which is

I am a firm believer of being open and honest and answering her questions as she asks them, but not blowing her mind with tons of information before then.

I always remember someone on here saying she’d told her children that when a woman didn’t want to have a baby her bottom hurt so she needed a bandage in her knickers.

So weird, it’s really stuck with me!

The more we can remove the stigma of periods being gross or embarrassing, the better. This should start at home, and be taken up throughout society.

My early views on menstruation were clouded by my parents being super-secretive about my mum's tampons (which I found in the glove compartment of the car), and the prevailing narrative in girls' magazines along the lines of "HOW EMBARRASING! I came on my period and it leaked on my jeans" and the horror of buying tampons and the lad on the till shouting "How much are these?" to his colleague.

Periods are normal. They're why we are all here, after all.

YANBU

DS followed me into the toilet all the time so he saw me changing pads, he also knows that they can hurt so he needs to not launch himself at me. I think he was about 6/7 when he asked me what they actually were so had the whole shebang explained.

He won't have to deal with them obviously, but his girlfriend's will

I'd have done the same as you. The jam story is ridiculous.

Your approach is correct in my opinion OP.

I did similar with my dd and when she actually had her first period (aged 10) she wasn't fazed. I was actually out of the house at the time and she didn't even tell my DH - she just suspected the pink/brown in her knickers was the beginning of a period, calmly went to the cupboard where she'd seen me keep sanitary pads in and helped herself. I was so proud of her.

My friend used to talk very openly about periods with her ds's from a very early age ( 3 or 4). They used to go to the loo with her and asked questions. She answered them like you, ("women bleed once a month but it's not a cut and doesn't hurt"). She said that she was preparing them early for understanding women and having women in their lives when they were older. The boys are 13 and 16 now - really lovely boys with lots of respect for women.

Im still waiting for my mum to tell me about periods!

@tenredthings me too!!!!

You did the right thing op. Your friend sounds rather dramatic.

Why lie? The jam explanation is ridiculous and surely it is more "inappropriate" to eat jam on the loo than have a period!

My 3yo son knows that ladies usually bleed every month. He asked me why my 'pee pee' was red when he was about 2.5yo so I told him it was blood. I was changing my pad at the time which he called a plaster.
He's 3.5 now and calls pass and tampons 'ladies things'
It's really not a big deal, why does it have to be a secret.
Thankfully MIL was equally open with DH and he none of the squeamishness about periods that exes have had in the past.

I absolutely agree with this and my DD has known since about 4 as she was often in the toilet with me. Talking about it normally and without embarrassment is so important for them to not then feel embarrassed about their own bodies. I first found out at school and was so scared when told that I would bleed when I was older. I thought it meant that blood would be gushing out of me every day! My Mum was always embarrassed about the topic and it meant I couldn't talk freely to her about any questions/concerns I had.

You did the right thing. I didn't know anything about them until I started in class aged 9 and thought something was very wrong with me. Got sent home with a cardie tied around my waist. Didn't help

Jam?
Ridiculous.
Totally fine to normalise it. The patriarchy want our babies but we must feel shame for periods