To be honest ( to a degree ) to 3 year old about periods.

[Cinders29]

So, my friend was round the other day ( she is a bit of a prude ) I was on my period and my DD3 went to the toilet and was like 'what's that red in it ?' You know when sometimes a bit is left in the bottom of the toilet anyway, my friend was like 'oh it's just jam!' I didn't disagree DD started asking why jam was in the toilet etc but soon moved on. I spoke to friend later on and explained that I had no problem with my daughter knowing it was blood. She is always asking what my tampons are and I explain that sometimes mummies bleed but it doesn't hurt etc. The reason I had to go into such detail is because a few months ago I had to race downstairs for something and I leaked - on the kitchen floor and of course I had to explain this to her so she wasn't shocked etc. Anyway, she takes it well and I figure I'd rather normalise it ( as it is normal ) so when we come to have the actual conversation in a few years time she's already half prepped.

Anyway, friend was mortified and said it wasn't appropriate etc and now I'm worried I've done the wrong thing.

Just wondering on everyone else's opinion on it.

I managed to get to this point (DD is 10) without her having seen any graphic evidence of periods. It wasn’t difficult.

She has learned about it in an age appropriate way. If something had happened as a toddler I wouldn’t have been explaining it to her. They are really easy to distract at that age. A simple “don’t worry about it” would be enough.

Only on MN does it seem to be oh so cool to teach adult stuff to very young children. It isn’t necessary.

I pity your friend’s daughters, OP - they’re going to have a bit of a shock when their own “jam” first appears!
Of course you’ve done the right thing, OP. Being matter of fact and calmly explaining at a level the child can understand is basic good parenting.
In fact it’s much less potentially embarrassing to discuss it at this age, when it’s just neutral and theoretical, than having to broach it for the first time with a mortified adolescent, who has never been able to mention such topics to their inhibited parent.
I’m a retired doctor, so was always very open with my DDs. I had to field all the questions from their school friends with less forthcoming parents too!

My son has known about periods since he was your daughter’s age - he asked, I explained in an age appropriate way, I can see no benefit whatsoever to pretending it doesn’t happen. I mean jam? Ffs, at least say something that makes sense!

Mine, at a similar age, had it explained to them that every month a tiny egg travels down a tube from a woman's ovary to her womb (talking about babies growing in their mothers' 'tummies' is a bit of a pet hate of mine tbh) and the womb builds up a lining in case the egg starts growing into a baby. Most of the time it doesn't and then the lining isn't needed any more so comes out as blood, with the tiny egg that's too small to see, and that's called a period.

My son has been aware that mummy "wears nappys when she bleeds" since he's been old enough to question it.
It's very good to explain in real terms what is happening with kids from a young age. Normalise it.

My 3 year old had opened up my purse the other day when we at a cafe and was showing my tampons for her friend’s Mum and saying “these are mummy’s bottom for when she has no baby in her tummy”.

Try as I might she is not great with correct labels but she knows that girls and women a hole for wee, a hole for babies and hole for poo in their bottom.

Anyway, friend was mortified and said it wasn't appropriate etc and now I'm worried I've done the wrong thing

Nah you're not

You just think your friend is a bit bonkers and I agree.

But each to their own.

@MintyMabel what difficulty would it have caused to your toddler if you had explained it? Do you not explain other things that happen to adults to your children - marriage, death?

And is menstruation really an adult thing? There are girls in my son’s primary school who have started their periods, should those girls feel it’s their responsibility to hide it from the younger kids?

I had a Mirena in situ and never had periods, so never had that conversation with my now adult son. Obviously I never felt the need to explain why I wasn’t having periods, but maybe he just thinks I was really secretive about it.

Adult stuff

Do you never take kids shopping . Do you sneak your sanpro in the house under your coat.

Never used a public toilet and had to take kid in with you?

It's not some top secret fetish that kids must never be exposed to. It's a period. Most women have them. And keeping any evidence of them away from a childs eyes fir an entire decade sounds like alot of hard work and stress.

What is the point of making up a load of rarefied nonsense about periods, sex or any of that business?

All my three young children see me on the toilet and in the bathroom etc when I have my period. My youngest is only two but my almost fo it and almost six year old have asked loads of questions and I tell them the truth. In simplest terms. Why would I frighten or confuse them they will find out anyway so I would rather tell them in a way I am comfortable with.

And as for the jam comment. That is insane

I talk openly about it with my DD (similar age). They are going to have to deal with it one day so I don’t see the point in hiding it, I would rather normalise it so she isn’t worried when she started them.
I knew nothing about them when I started mine early and it was a right shock, I didn’t know how to explain it to get the right help and didn’t know to ask for sanitary stuff. It was awful and really embarrassing

Ok, phew! Thanks everyone.

I kept thinking 'shit what if she brings it up at nursery or something and people think I'm an actual weirdo for being so honest with a 3 year old'

It's always so hard to know what to do. But my mum was always honest with me and when it came to me starting I felt comfortable to talk to her about it whereas I've had friends ( including friend I've mentioned in post ) who struggled to talk to their mums about things, and I don't want that for my daughter. It's just a normal part of life and I think so long as it's explained in a child friendly non scary way - a bit like 'they've gone to heaven ' not the actual ins and outs.

Thanks again, I feel better now for defending my view on the subject lol.

I think it’s important to be honest at an appropriate level for them. My mum never told me anything and it made me feel so embarrassed about periods and like I had to hide it.
My 3 sons all have an understanding of periods, my 3 year old happily tells me it means there is no baby in my tummy. I find being honest and matter of fact about things when they are young helps stop any embarrassment. I hope it means they will be decent partners/friends to females when they are older.

I don't really understand why you wouldn't tell them. My child has and still does come in the toilet with me! She knows all about it! I'm not sure what the big deal is really

I've always explained it very honestly to my boys. They were curious and I explained in a gentle way that was relevant for their age group whenever they asked.

Not explaining properly, hiding it or making up strange lies (jam wtf?!) just causes confusion, and later shame or embarrassment. It's a very normal part of life for almost 50% of the population!

Yanbu I've also explained in a kid friendly version about to our dds who are 3 and 5 years old. It's natural and part of nature.
Dh has also always bought sanitary products when out grocery shopping without issues as it should be.

I'm currently potty training my 2 year old. I've explained that big boys and girls dont wear nappies. They use the toilet. This morning, after I said this he wandered off, produced a sanitary towel from the bathroom and said "Mummy nappies!". 🤣

Yanbu
It just adds to the shame over periods to talk about jam.

'shit what if she brings it up at nursery or something and people think I'm an actual weirdo for being so honest with a 3 year old' nobody should ever shame you for being honest with your children. You owe it to them to explain the facts of life and equip them with important information about their bodies, health and any other topics e.g. death. Of course it should be age appropriate, but lying or making up weird scenarios is just going to do damage later on.

Telling the truth is absolutely the right approach. Give as many details as they ask for (no more) and they'll pick up the knowledge at the pace they're comfortable with.

I managed to get to this point (DD is 10) without her having seen any graphic evidence of periods. It wasn’t difficult.

Maybe not difficult for you but I would say probably a bit unusual?

A bit of blood in a public/restaurant toilet
A bit of blood in her school toilet
Blood on knickers in the washing basket
Blood on sheets in the washing basket.

On the other hand, perhaps she has seen these things but never mentioned them.

Well I am glad you managed to get your daughter to 10 without her ever seeing any evidence of periods Minty however considering there are sanitary bins in school toilets usually from year 4 as we have children start their periods that young, I am not sure she really didn't see "evidence."

My sons have seen me attached to a TENs machine and taking some serious pain killers as I have endometriosis so they, at a young age, were told Mummy's tummy was poorly. That progressed to Mummy bleeds but it always stops, and lots of women bleed every month.

My sons are almost 17 and almost 14, they are not traumatised by being told factual information. In fact I hope that they are just like their Dad who understands periods and truly looks after me providing me with cups of tea and chocolate and are as kind to their wives in the future.

So yes OP, you did the right thing. I told my sons it is in the same category of pooing, people do it but we don't talk about it publically or at school.

I admit I was a bit uncomfortable being so open with my older son, just a reflection of my upbringing, but with DS2 I've been much more open and just explained in a matter of fact way.

In situations where I've not wanted to go into detail though, I've never made things up (jam?!) just changed the subject or said it was something they didn't need to worry about.

My 20 yo DS came across my (clean) Mooncup that I'd left in the shower once. I only realised when I used the shower myself later. I just acknowledged that I'd left it there and he just shrugged and said he thought it was something of mine.

Your friend is being stupid