To be honest ( to a degree ) to 3 year old about periods.

[Cinders29]

So, my friend was round the other day ( she is a bit of a prude ) I was on my period and my DD3 went to the toilet and was like 'what's that red in it ?' You know when sometimes a bit is left in the bottom of the toilet anyway, my friend was like 'oh it's just jam!' I didn't disagree DD started asking why jam was in the toilet etc but soon moved on. I spoke to friend later on and explained that I had no problem with my daughter knowing it was blood. She is always asking what my tampons are and I explain that sometimes mummies bleed but it doesn't hurt etc. The reason I had to go into such detail is because a few months ago I had to race downstairs for something and I leaked - on the kitchen floor and of course I had to explain this to her so she wasn't shocked etc. Anyway, she takes it well and I figure I'd rather normalise it ( as it is normal ) so when we come to have the actual conversation in a few years time she's already half prepped.

Anyway, friend was mortified and said it wasn't appropriate etc and now I'm worried I've done the wrong thing.

Just wondering on everyone else's opinion on it.

You are right. Age appropriate honesty.

The Samaritans was set up in 1953 because, some years previously, a 14 year old girl committed suicide when her first period started. She didn't know what it was and thought that she had somehow contracted an STI. So talk about it, honestly and in an age appropriate way. It is much better to do this than make up lies about jam. That's just dishonest and perpetuates the idea that periods are something to be secretive about, whilst engendering distrust.

@Dizzygirl00 it doesn't hurt for everyone. Up until my mid to late 20s, mine didn't hurt at all, not even a bit of discomfort. Many of my friends don't have painful periods. Then something changed and I developed increasingly heavy periods. Then I began to get clots and cramps. It got more sore as time went on. I have now just been diagnosed with endometriosis.

So yeah my point is (and this is coming from someone with endometriosis who knows what pain is) it doesn't always hurt and I went through years of completely unproblematic periods.

All of mine have known as I can't go to toilet in peace. I say it's a period that Mummy has every month when she is not having a baby.

Yep, talking to them and telling the vague truth normalises it for them. Otherwise it comes taboo or embarrassing later on.

Absolutely fine.
I was totally ridiculous. Sharing a cubicle in a public loo with a 3 yr old, I’d do idiotic things so she didn’t see me changing a tampon.
“Look up there!” I’d go, indicating the top of the door. “I think I saw a dragonfly”/butterfly/funny sticker....

Pathetic.

The Samaritans was set up in 1953 because, some years previously, a 14 year old girl committed suicide when her first period started. She didn't know what it was and thought that she had somehow
contracted an STI

I never knew that. Thats so sad. How the hell can you know about STIs and not know about periods. How completely messed up and how much danger that girl was in having no idea about her own body

My mum actually helped put my first tampon I and I'd like to have that relationship with my two girls

Omg, that’s one of the cringiest things I’ve ever read 😱 I’m all for being open and honest about periods to young DC but......

Why? @Blearyeyes20.

Help your child or let her think this bodily function is too embarrassing for help?

I told my dd from similar age, I've always aimed to be open and honest with her so age can come to me about anything. I dont want her to think it's weird or embarrassing to have a period. You are doing the right thing, it's just setting up a perception that we should hide these things due to shame or embarrassment otherwise. They remember a surprising amount even now. Dd is 9 and asks about periods and all kinds of stuff lately!

Both my boy and girl knew what periods were by the age of 4. All explained in an age appropriate way.

I've since mentioned to my now 9 year old boy that ladies like to be pampered when they're on their period. Hot water bottle, chocolate, back rub etc

I've always explained in an age appropriate way.

And for all the failings of my MIL she raised a son who is great about all this stuff.

I struggle with sanitary wear, can't use moon cups, won't use contraception (he's had snip) but a few months ago I was having an embarassed gripe about pain to my uncle of all people (a very progressive 70 year old) next day DH came in with a selection box of different tampons to try (brands/organic/none bleached etc) becuase he wanted to make it even easier. He even keeps a bag of stuff in his boot. He has a wife and two DDs....he's prepared for every eventuality.

Compared with my brother of the same age, who finds it embarassing and feels it should be hushed up, just like our father did.

I know which type of man I'd rather my daughter's married.....

Completely disagree with those saying its an "adult" issue. Girls start as young as 9...

Gosh there’s some really odd ideas on this thread. OP you took the right approach. Anyone who says otherwise is deluded. Jam????? FFS!

always answer these questions truthfully and simply, on a need to know basis. No lies or fobbing off

To the poster who said about it not hurting.... ( sorry I have no idea how to quote on the app )

At 3, personally I think if I told my DD I was bleeding and it hurt she'd be alarmed. As another poster said, toddlers see blood and think of pain in relation to a cut or worse. Which actually isn't the case with a period. My daughter has never really been poorly , she cannot really relate to tummy pain etc so when she's older and has a bit more understanding of course I will elaborate regarding periods pains etc but right now I don't think she needs to know that and although I clearly want to be honest I don't need to over divulge and only need to answer questions as they are asked. If she see's me on the sofa with a hot water bottle and asks why - at that point I'll explain but there hasn't been a need up to now.

Yes my 3yr old gets concerned with blood. I wouldn't say the blood part hurts to them but I say it hurts mummy's back and tummy.

How the hell can you know about STIs and not know about periods. How completely messed up and how much danger that girl was in having no idea about her own body

Indeed. I hate adverts for period products that make out that your period is embarrassing. It is vital that women know about their bodies.

Agree with you about the pain thing OP. Until the menopause my periods never gave me any pain or bother at all. I appreciate I was lucky in this but I think where 3 year olds are concerned, you can safely say it doesn't hurt. That it might cause discomfort is something they can be introduced to later, as needed.

I wouldn't lie. DS spotted something when he was 3. I just told him it was something that happened every month and was to do with how babies were made. That was fine for him.

As he's asked further questions about babies etc. I've answered them. As his aunt is currently pregnant that has lead to some new questions. Oddly the one thing he hasn't asked is how the sperm meets the egg.

Only on MN does it seem to be oh so cool to teach adult stuff to very young children. It isn’t necessary.

I disagree. I think it is necessary, and it's not teaching 'adult stuff', it's teaching how our bodies work in an age appropriate way. I answer questions about hearts, lungs, stomachs, why we have them, what they do. Why we breathe. Why we need to pee and poo. So why would I then refuse to answer questions about other body parts? Lungs are child friendly but the uterus isn't?

I disagree. I think it is necessary, and it's not teaching 'adult stuff', it's teaching how our bodies work in an age appropriate way. I answer questions about hearts, lungs, stomachs, why we have them, what they do. Why we breathe. Why we need to pee and poo. So why would I then refuse to answer questions about other body parts? Lungs are child friendly but the uterus isn't?

Spot on!

Very well put.

Sharing public loos with my ds he came to his own conclusions that sanitary towels are plasters! I'm quite happy with that, as they are in a way .
He's 6 now , and if he asks further questions I'm happy to answer them honestly.
Jam ! Haha

I’ve always been totally honest with my dd. I’ve taken her camping with me in a small tent from a young age, so couldn’t exactly hide it from her, and wouldn’t want her to think I was haemorrhaging!

You’re definitely doing the right thing.

I didn’t know about periods at all until my mum sat me down aged 11 and I’d like mine to know about them before then - maybe not WHY we have them but I’d decide on that when the time comes.

Looking back I honestly don’t know why my mum was such a prude about it - possibly because her mum was MIA and she hadn’t learned from anyone how to be normal about it? She wouldn’t let me use tampons and I don’t know if it was concern about me leaving one in or something.

My boys all know about periods. They've seen me in the toilet using products and I've answered their questions. DS3 did shout "mummy there's those things you put up your bum" in the middle of Tesco but other than that it's been fine. He still struggles with terminology a bit,

My mum's idea of, er, 'teaching' me about menstruation was to quietly leave the most '70s leaflet IN THE WORLD EVER on my bed one evening (she's the biggest prude I've ever met). So my boys know all about what it is and why it happens. It's just a bodily function, after all...