To be honest ( to a degree ) to 3 year old about periods.

[Cinders29]

So, my friend was round the other day ( she is a bit of a prude ) I was on my period and my DD3 went to the toilet and was like 'what's that red in it ?' You know when sometimes a bit is left in the bottom of the toilet anyway, my friend was like 'oh it's just jam!' I didn't disagree DD started asking why jam was in the toilet etc but soon moved on. I spoke to friend later on and explained that I had no problem with my daughter knowing it was blood. She is always asking what my tampons are and I explain that sometimes mummies bleed but it doesn't hurt etc. The reason I had to go into such detail is because a few months ago I had to race downstairs for something and I leaked - on the kitchen floor and of course I had to explain this to her so she wasn't shocked etc. Anyway, she takes it well and I figure I'd rather normalise it ( as it is normal ) so when we come to have the actual conversation in a few years time she's already half prepped.

Anyway, friend was mortified and said it wasn't appropriate etc and now I'm worried I've done the wrong thing.

Just wondering on everyone else's opinion on it.

Also, I would argue that a bit of 'graphic' exposure isn't a bad thing considering how graphic her own periods will obviously be to her.

Each to their own, however telling her “it doesn’t hurt” isn’t being honest is it

You’re handling things to totally age appropriately and your friend will have to get over herself if she wants her DD to grow up well adjusted.

Totally think you were in the right.

I have a 6 year old DD and she knows that periods are a thing. Sees mine sometimes and I don't hide the tampax box etc. So we've had those conversations. I always answer factually but (what I consider to be) age appropriately when she asks.

My mum was always open with me about it, and used to let me wear pantyliners before I stared my period as it made me feel so grown up.

Meant when my period started I was fine just getting on with it myself. So that's my attitude with my daughter too.

I remember my Nan telling me her and her friend had no clue about it, and they both thought my friend was dying when she started! I think it was enough to convince my Nan never to be secretive about such things.

Also - why the hell would there be jam in the loo?

I don't think it's something you need to go into masses of detail about, but a simple, child-friendly truth is okay. "Older girls/women bleed a bit every month, it's normal and it's part of growing up, there's lots of different ways to cope with it"

My 3yo boy did the whole "Where do babies come from?" thing the other week and I said "A mummy and a daddy can make one together and then baby grows in mummys tummy like you did - you'll learn more about it when you're older" and off he ran happily to play with his Thomas trains

I have never been secretive about my period in front of my kids (6 and 9), and my daughter knows that she'll probably start bleeding in a couple of years or so. I've also told her that the first periods might be very weak and look more brown than red. This happened to me when I was 11 and I was convinced I had pooed myself because no one had spoken to me about periods in any detail.

I remember my Nan telling me her and her friend had no clue about it, and they both thought my friend was dying when she started!

That is terrifying. Imagine coming on your first period and not having a clue what was happening [shocked]

I don't have daughters but I'd start preparing them from about the age my son is now - 7.

Shocked fail!

Each to their own, however telling her “it doesn’t hurt” isn’t being honest is it

I think it's being age appropriate though.

Plus it doesn't always hurt and not in the way it does when you cut yourself, which will be the toddlers only experience of blood as a rule.

The jam story is ridiculous. I'd have said something along of what you said - it's blood but it doesn't hurt.

Telling her it's jam is really stupid. Your friend sounds very silly

Yeah your friend is being a tit.

My 4 yo DD knows about periods, knows she’ll get them when she’s older, knows mum needs pads etc. In fact I’ve known her to shout out in b&m MUM DO U NEED PADS at the top of her voice. She’s been with her dad when I’ve sent him for pads and had to tell him the ones I use 😂 I remember bursting into tears when I first had mine because I was terrified, I don’t want that for her.

She knows I sometimes have a sore tummy or sore head because my periods are coming too.

I haven’t told her the full biology behind it yet because she won’t understand that but she knows enough

It's not just important to normalise it so that your DD knows what to expect down the line, but because the ridiculous secrecy and shame around periods is harmful long term. DS, who is 8, knows about this stuff and I know that he has some friends who, because they come from a family of boys, are being entirely insulated from it. Which I think is silly. This is perfectly normal and healthy.

It's not like knowing about periods is going to lead to you showing her porn as a way to introduce her to the concept of reproduction.

It actually makes me cross that people are so coy with their children. One of DS' 8 year old friends asked about babies etc and I think his mum gave him some story about mummy and daddy loving each other very much and that makes a baby. He's 8. They start learning this stuff at school this year and next year. Being coy seems a bit silly now.

You handled it well, OP.

Your friend is a dingbat. I bet she says things like Daddy planting a seed in Mummy’s tummy too.
(I told my brother off for this nonsense - “what does that make me, compost?”)

Your friend is BVU

My youngest DD is 7 and I still cannot go to the toilet without her. She asked one time what it was and i said its called a period and older girls and Mammys get them and now sometimes she says 'oh mommy I think I have my permid' 😂

Waitinginthewings My dd 5 asked me what made me laugh. I read your post to her and she laughed so much that she got tears in her eyes. Then asked me to read it again.

Each to their own, however telling her “it doesn’t hurt” isn’t being honest is it maybe it DOESN'T hurt OP? I certainly almost never have period pain.

I've always been really open and clear about periods, puberty, privacy and using proper names for private parts when needed. My kids are perfectly fine with it. DD(13) started her periods and didn't think twice about discussing it with me and asking for assistance. DD(10) won't be surprised either and when DS(7) grows up, he'll hopefully be the type of mature, well informed man that's happy to pop to the shop for tampons or pads for his missus or daughters!

Saying ham is in the toilet is just ridiculous. Human Biology is gross and icky yes, and totally sodding normal! Nothing to hide or be ashamed of.

My 10 year old has just started her periods and is totally non fazed about it as she has seen tampons in the bathroom and I've not hidden evidence of periods.

Both my kids know about it, pretty much a similar explanation to you - they even know that the first day I'm generally not feeling that great so I have a bath. They had to have an explanation - they've always been ones to follow me to the bathroom whilst talking at me (even though we have a cast-iron, leave people alone while they poo rule... apparently that shouldn't apply to me)

They couldn't care less - I mean they'd prefer not to watch me change my cup, but otherwise they're completely matter of fact about it, and as they've got older and occasionally asked questions, they've been answered in an age-appropriate way.

I have a ds. Single parent, small flat so at times he has seen tampons or me rushing to the loo...and some mishaps. I've always told him the truth, as I would prefer him to know and not think a anything negative. I was also always stunned at the stupidity and lack of knowledge of boys on the topic when I was a teenager during sex ed. I dont want him to be clueless like them!

Each to their own, however telling her “it doesn’t hurt” isn’t being honest is it

It is for me. I would be surprised if dd has period pain as I assume that the majority don’t?

YANBU, OP, your friend is a freak.

Completely agree with you.

The jam thing is likely to cause about a billion more questions because it's so batshit! At least you can edit REAL information if you say it's blood.