Who wants a whole street parking thread? Bring popcorn, it's a long one!

[originalcatlady]

See diagram below. I WFH and have no life but I'm pretty sure this will be entertaining to the Mumsnet parking thread folk!

House A, no car but X denotes the allocated disabled spot so he can be collected via a side entrance from his house.
House B, one car, has to park with car door level with front door, meaning she always uses space 1&2. Most people are afraid to park here. If someone does, she parks touching their bumper, in some kind of laying down the law attempt and stands there shouting "who's is this?" and similar nonsense.
House C, one car but not usually home, so is either forced to park in space X or further along from X, where there are two spaces in front of a garage.
House D, one car. Usually gets home first so gets space 3.
House E, house with drive.
House F, car but no drive. Usually parks in space 4.
House G, H, I, J have drives.
House K have two cars and no drive. They have been frequently told they are taking over the street and are not allowed to park in space 5, as it blocks house Gs drive and does not allow House F to park in space 4. I do point out that this has the same impact as house F parking in space 4 on me, but apparently not.
House L, house with drive (me).
House M, drive but no car.
House N, house with drive.

Houses B, F, G and M frequently have street gossips/meetings/bitching sessions declaring that people who haven't lived here for a billion years like them, are taking over, who do they think they are, they can't just park where they like etc etc.

So, if you're still with me, this brings me to today. In a spectacular turn of events, house K, who give no shits about fake parking laws, have parked in space 4. Their other car is further along in front of garage, as well as an unknown car.

House F have now come home parked kind of across both X and space 1 (basically leaving house Bs usual space for them). They are watching non stop to ensure they get their space back.

Very unusually, house C is home and has parked in space 2.

So. There is no space left in the street and house B, the most precious and hysterical have nowhere to park. They will return at 10pm.

This actually keeps me entertained daily. Sad I know.

Oh my god. I wrote my post yesterday and it has only just posted ... sorry OP, I'll now go back and read all 22 pages which have appeared overnight!

Most interesting thing that happens in my street is the contagion of one house leaving their wheelie bins out permanently, and others following suit.

'B' should be reported for running around the street in a pink dressing gown

Nothing happens in my street. I'm not working today and most exciting thing that's happened has been a delivery.

I’m so disappointed. We have new neighbours with two cars but no drive. They have consistently parked in a safe and considerate manner ensuring they don’t block access to those of us who do have drives. Selfish bastards, now I can’t start a parking thread of my own!

I’m so disappointed. We have new neighbours with two cars but no drive. They have consistently parked in a safe and considerate manner ensuring they don’t block access to those of us who do have drives. Selfish bastards, now I can’t start a parking thread of my own!

Report them to the council for being anti-anti-social

Report them to the council for being anti-anti-social

This is a good idea, I’ll just pop out and buy a pink dressing gown first for the full effect! I mean, they sent us a Christmas card too! The absolute twats..!

This looks like my old Street. We had a drive. It was fun watching everyone fight over spaces... Until the CFs blocked us in.

@lisasimpsonssaxophone I wonder if they pull up their wipers so it delays them getting in their cars and driving off and gives them more time to come out of their houses?!

Wait, so if Batshit Brenda parked in spot 1, there would be enough spaces for everyone? She's an absolute loon.

I get so annoyed by ppl taking up 2 spaces. I've been known to leave a sweary note! There's no way I could ignore B's parking. There would most definitely "be words"!

My road has parking bays, but no spaces divided. You can imagine the utter fuckery that goes on. It just takes one cunt inconsiderate idiot to park wrong & it all goes to shit.

If my living room faced the road I would be much more invested. Also, it's N London, so you have no idea whose car it is. Although... I did know Thierry Henry's when he lived opposite not that I was a weird stalker.

Did all the shenanigans this morning happen with them in their dressing gowns, or did they take the time to get dressed.

I REALLY hope the K family are MNers, recognize themselves and bond with the OP at the carwash

Meanwhile, I cant stop snorting about the giant vibrator glued to the bonnet

I am loving K. I can't be bothered engaging with people like B or F.

We are planning to move soon and one of our top requirements is a drive big enough for two cars!

@coffeewithmyoxygen

I mean, they sent us a Christmas card too! The absolute twats..!

Ugh god I bet the cunts will do your bins when you're on holiday too won't they? Psychopaths

Sounds like my road except the local drug dealing gangstas (wanksters) have a minimum of 5 vehicles parked on our tiny road at any one time. I take great pleasure in parking in their self declared spaces and give zero fucks when they touch park to my car in an attempt at intimidating me. Thick as mince + entitles + parking = much hilarity.

B has opened door in a bright pink dressing gown

When I read that, I thought you meant there was a door IN her dressing gown - like one of those bum flaps on a baby-gro - and she was about to make a dirty protest on K's drive

Oh we have one of those down our street. Must part in exactly X spot not in Y or W only X. There is no allocated parking or drives.

Most people do park outside their own houses as a kind of we all like to do it anyway but worst case you end up a couple of houses down and the person who has parked outside your house will often knock and say sorry when they leave but someone else was in their spot or whatever so you can have your spot back but not MR car he has to have X.

We also have MISS who insists on parking on the corner of the path that’s a drop curb just in case she can’t park anywhere else.

They also all rant about houses with more than one car but is also getting parking removed by complaint to the council that we need more drop Kurbs where they are not needed for disabled access which will lead to a non dropped Kurb as otherwise he couldn’t park in X anyway. Bonkers.

Who are they going to report k too-bloody batshit

If anything the police should tell her not to take up two spaces cheeky fuck

I'm muttley-ing here at the idea of reporting somebody for having two cars

The single person causing all of these problems is her.

Could the whole street come together to solve the problem and give her some lessons in parallel parking? Even better, make her trade her car in for a Smart Car, so she can park at right angles and just drive in forwards, straight at the kerb!

Like all CFs, she's the one being totally unreasonable and then challenging the reasonable people for not accommodating her appalling behaviour, turning the blame on to them.

Is her name Countess Martha Strong, by any chance?

B may want to be careful what she wishes for reporting parking to the council. We have a through road near us, people using it have complained about the residents parking legally as they say it's dangerous nothing to do with people driving like twats of course. So council first installed double yellows near the junction. Wasn't good enough, the residents all still parking legally further down were a problem. Council have now made the through road a dead end.

We also have MISS who insists on parking on the corner of the path that’s a drop curb just in case she can’t park anywhere else.

That sounds about right. "I'm such a terrible driver, so I'll routinely inconvenience everybody else just in case their normal parking combined with my lack of driving skills means that I'm inconvenienced - because I'm the only one who matters at all."

Report to whom? I can just imagine some poor sod at the local council having to listen to B[atshit Bertha]’s diatribes about people daring to park contrary to her preferences.

Comes as quite a shock when it’s calmly explained its a public road & anyone can store there car for free unless there are parking restrictions. Illegal blocking of road, pavements can be dealt with by police...

One customer was angry at victimisation as parking wardens were waiting for him to park on double yellow lines & then giving him a ticket 🙈
Please don’t ask how I kept a straight face
I calmly explained it was their job to ticket parking infringements and if he wanted it to stop PARK somewhere else..

Firstly - OP - I assume that at the first opportunity you are going to move your own car into the Wholly Desirable Magic Parking Spot?

Secondly - lisasimpsonssaxophone-I LOVE your username, but it has occurred to me that you could make it even more exciting, ie

lisasimpsonssaxomaphone. (an extra "ma" between "sax" and "phone"). There might not be enough characters available to do it, but it's been itching away at me like an elbow full of psoriasis, so I had to mention it, but apologise for being critical.