Who wants a whole street parking thread? Bring popcorn, it's a long one!

[originalcatlady]

See diagram below. I WFH and have no life but I'm pretty sure this will be entertaining to the Mumsnet parking thread folk!

House A, no car but X denotes the allocated disabled spot so he can be collected via a side entrance from his house.
House B, one car, has to park with car door level with front door, meaning she always uses space 1&2. Most people are afraid to park here. If someone does, she parks touching their bumper, in some kind of laying down the law attempt and stands there shouting "who's is this?" and similar nonsense.
House C, one car but not usually home, so is either forced to park in space X or further along from X, where there are two spaces in front of a garage.
House D, one car. Usually gets home first so gets space 3.
House E, house with drive.
House F, car but no drive. Usually parks in space 4.
House G, H, I, J have drives.
House K have two cars and no drive. They have been frequently told they are taking over the street and are not allowed to park in space 5, as it blocks house Gs drive and does not allow House F to park in space 4. I do point out that this has the same impact as house F parking in space 4 on me, but apparently not.
House L, house with drive (me).
House M, drive but no car.
House N, house with drive.

Houses B, F, G and M frequently have street gossips/meetings/bitching sessions declaring that people who haven't lived here for a billion years like them, are taking over, who do they think they are, they can't just park where they like etc etc.

So, if you're still with me, this brings me to today. In a spectacular turn of events, house K, who give no shits about fake parking laws, have parked in space 4. Their other car is further along in front of garage, as well as an unknown car.

House F have now come home parked kind of across both X and space 1 (basically leaving house Bs usual space for them). They are watching non stop to ensure they get their space back.

Very unusually, house C is home and has parked in space 2.

So. There is no space left in the street and house B, the most precious and hysterical have nowhere to park. They will return at 10pm.

This actually keeps me entertained daily. Sad I know.

@Thunderpunt

thank you!!

I'm going to have to print the diagram out, I can't cope with constantly flicking back to the start.

If Mrs K has gone to work, who is the lady in the A Team van visiting? Her husband?

She was in her dressing gown on Ms drive. She is now in attempt number 5 of reverse parking into X/1 now F has left. It's a bigger space than F was in.

But she can't do it.

Stranger car is still on the other side of X.

Woke up one morning to find that someone had superglued an enormous vibrator to her bonnet

That’s even better than the time someone wrote “CUNT” in the snow on the bonnet of a car parked across two of our residents spaces (without a permit). That and the frozen lawn sausages has really made my morning

. Hobnob anyone?

Mr K went to work. Mrs K works different hours each day. Looks like just a mate.

@BrightYellowDaffodil I had cunt written in the dirt on my bonnet when I parked in 2 once.

So B parks across 1&2 so she'll never have to manoeuvre. She can't parallel park.

This is gold. I’ve completely lost track of who’s where but at this point I don’t even care

How can she not reverse park on a straight street? She needs to give her licence back.

@picklesdragonisawelshdragon yes, but if she just parked in 1 then there would be space for everyone and she wouldn't have to manoeuvre ever anyway as X is more for access and pick ups. No one really parks there.

Wow. She's back on Ms drive knocking on her door.

This thread has brightened my morning up no end. Thank OP- please keep the updates coming!

I’ll take a hobnob @BrightYellowDaffodil - I’m just about to start on my second coffee. Settling in now school run finished!

What? B is knocking on M’s door?? Why?

Sorry not to be keeping up, but remind me again why two people can't use 1 & 2 is someone gets there early enough to use only of one of spaces? I understand B normally parks across both.

"I've had to park here there's nowhere else to park."
"Ridiculous, they've taken over."
"All night they were there. Stayed outside Fs house all night. The cheek."
"Disgusting. Who do they think they are."
"I've told them before and they don't do anything."
"They haven't listened to a word we've said."
"I'll have to report this. It can't go on."
"We'll have to tell them again."
"It's got to stop. They've only been here two minutes."
"Two cars and no drive. It's not on."

@DogInATent

I am cackling like a witch, that sausage thing is the funniest thing I've read on here.
Brilliant 👏😂

You could make 'B' Youtube videos at triple speed set to the Benny Hill Theme Tune music it would probably go viral!!

@TurduckenFucken C is the only one with balls to do it. If she parks in 2 then B will park touching her bumper meaning C can only get out if D leaves before her. She does do it but she's not home often enough to make a big enough impact.

Is she saying this to anyone in particular, or just soliloquising?

I have a vision of a full Madame Butterfly-style aria being wailed in a residential street by B in her dressing gown, to passing binmen and commuters.

I keep refreshing to see updates. This is gold!