Who wants a whole street parking thread? Bring popcorn, it's a long one!

[originalcatlady]

See diagram below. I WFH and have no life but I'm pretty sure this will be entertaining to the Mumsnet parking thread folk!

House A, no car but X denotes the allocated disabled spot so he can be collected via a side entrance from his house.
House B, one car, has to park with car door level with front door, meaning she always uses space 1&2. Most people are afraid to park here. If someone does, she parks touching their bumper, in some kind of laying down the law attempt and stands there shouting "who's is this?" and similar nonsense.
House C, one car but not usually home, so is either forced to park in space X or further along from X, where there are two spaces in front of a garage.
House D, one car. Usually gets home first so gets space 3.
House E, house with drive.
House F, car but no drive. Usually parks in space 4.
House G, H, I, J have drives.
House K have two cars and no drive. They have been frequently told they are taking over the street and are not allowed to park in space 5, as it blocks house Gs drive and does not allow House F to park in space 4. I do point out that this has the same impact as house F parking in space 4 on me, but apparently not.
House L, house with drive (me).
House M, drive but no car.
House N, house with drive.

Houses B, F, G and M frequently have street gossips/meetings/bitching sessions declaring that people who haven't lived here for a billion years like them, are taking over, who do they think they are, they can't just park where they like etc etc.

So, if you're still with me, this brings me to today. In a spectacular turn of events, house K, who give no shits about fake parking laws, have parked in space 4. Their other car is further along in front of garage, as well as an unknown car.

House F have now come home parked kind of across both X and space 1 (basically leaving house Bs usual space for them). They are watching non stop to ensure they get their space back.

Very unusually, house C is home and has parked in space 2.

So. There is no space left in the street and house B, the most precious and hysterical have nowhere to park. They will return at 10pm.

This actually keeps me entertained daily. Sad I know.

M does not have gates.

Hmmm. Are there any overnight bollard installation services, penguin or otherwise, nearby?

(It’s possible I’m way too invested in this thread.)

C will be out for the school run and D and K work office hours. I shall be having a brew at this time and laughing at all the furious car shuffling that will occur 

I’ve just woken my 6 month old up whilst laughing at these updates! Brilliant commentary @originalcatlady

The cheek of B to park on someone else’s drive!
Even if they don’t have a car she has no bloody right and needs to be taken down a peg or two.

@BrightYellowDaffodil Batshit Bertha 😂😂😂

We had a similar issue on our street it’s not so bad now, one of our neighbours constantly checking to see if his usual space is available if he’s not usually in it. He sometimes waits for the wife to come home so he can use her car so he doesn’t lose his space. They have a drive which has a white line over it. A bit down the road a house that has a drive big enough for 4 CARS that houses a couple who have one car plus work van, everyday he puts his car on the road to save the space for his van, even though they have enough room on the drive. Across the road from them you have a house with a drive big enough for 2 yet every time the family come they move thier car to the road so that the family can park on the drive despite being enough room. One time the barely waited for my brother to leave and came out to move it, so the next time he sat in the car watched them come to the door then got out and went inside. Was quite funny. The thing is if they parked sensibly you could easy fit another car in but they all park like assholes.

Ooo can't wait to find out what B's revenge parking will be tomorrow

Can we crowdfund OP getting an additional car to cause even more drama?

Forget penguin bollards, M needs these, Billy and Belinda, installed on their drive

www.barriersdirect.co.uk/bollards-c1022/street-bollards-c1027/bollards-ferrocast-polyurethane-billy-and-belinda-fixed-decorative-customise-to-suit-your-colour-p1319

They will return at 10pm.

It was wonderful to read those words at 10:45. No need to wait for action!

Glad to please @SoupDragon

We currently have B in her window watching the street and F in her window watching the street. Like they think the cars will all re-jig themselves if they watch long enough.

This is hilarious. Can't wait to hear the morning update

Great thread. Breakfast will be interesting. Wonder if K is watching now?

Ah I can't see Ks house but it sounds quiet inside. If they knew how much they had ruined everyone's lives then surely they'd be laughing...
Only know M is in bed because I hear the alarm setting.

Does B have a life? You know, a real one.

It always fascinates me when people think the length of time they've lived somewhere gives them more rights as residents. Barmy.

I lost interest about 30 words in.

What?!

It got more exciting with every house 0 I am going to read the tread to see what happens. (Not often I go out, but it had to be tonight when a multi-car entire-street parking thread with a host of batshit crazy neighbours pops up - what are the odds?)

B works in a factory and does alternate week shifts. Their kids are grown up. They go out for tea once a week and have a takeaway once a week. Annual holiday. So not that she doesn't have a life, just a pretty average day to day one I suppose.

I sound like a stalker 

K has cheered me up after a spectacularly shit day, so please thank them for me! I love it when people move in and don't give a shit about parking "rules".

We used to live in a small terrace. Each house had enough space outside for one car. Our first day a chap (T) from 2 doors up came to tell us the rules for parking. Only parking outside your house and visitors up the road. Fair enough.
One day the neighbour and I swapped places due to a delivery coming/ work etc. All sorted between us.
Cue T shooting up the road to shout at us for not following the rules!! Batshit.

I love them!

I mean, they've done as they were told. They were told to stop parking in 5 . The only better place they could have chosen was 2!

I was very invested in the last funny parking thread, the one with the hospital staff, and the two big blokes who blocked the CF-er in, and then it turned out to be fake and deleted and I almost lost my faith in human nature. You, OP, have redeemed this faith with your thread and your excellent diagram.

Could go out and leave a rude note on the car at 4am? Just saying CF-er? For us on here at mumsnet?

Althooooough thinking about it, maybe 4 was the best option, as it made B pissed off with both F and K 🤣.

This thread is fucking comedy gold

Op I have images of you like Cary Grant in Hitchcock's Rear Window when he ends up witnessing a murder.