AIBU to think kids seem to have no independence (as in outdoors) anymore?

[c0wboy]

I grew up on a rough council estate, we all knew one another, but it was (of course) full of druggies, thieves, and other petty criminals, but since we knew them, no one cared.

My friends and I went out to play alone at the age of 4 (2006), with my mum - her being most cautious) occasionally glancing out of the window. If she couldn’t see me, she’d just wait until later to see if I was back and I always was.

There must’ve been around 15-18 kids on the street, from our age to 11 or so and we always played out from when we first woke up on the weekend until everyone lost interest at 7:30 or so. In the summer we’d stay out longer and as we got older we also stayed out longer.

I remember it really fondly, things like making sledges in winter and racing in trollies and making swings out of ruined furniture. It sounds really trashy but it was incredibly enjoyable.

My street was near a giant park, a proper one with big hills and forests. From 8 or 9 we all went and played there too.

We went swimming alone from 9 (because that was the leisure centre’s rule); we went to town to do the shopping (since both my mum and my closest friends mum had babies, so they sent us off with a list and we just walked); walked across the main road to the petrol station for stickers and took the bus to neighbouring towns at around the same age.

We did all this and I think only one of us had a phone, which usually didn’t have credit because no one could afford it. Two people had parents that drove and could properly look for us if we got lost (not that they did).

Now I know there’s loads of kids on my street, including my brother and sister. The place is more quiet if anything and no one seems to play out, they don’t knock on each other’s doors and my sister wouldn’t go to the corner shop in the afternoon alone - she’s 10!

Also better areas never seem to have kids let our either, it’s like everyone’s scared of letting children out of their sight even though crime rate is only going down and you can get in contact with everybody so easily now! It’s mind-boggling to me!

AIBU?

(I’m 18, not a parent, but just interested in your wisdom. This seems to be the place that’s most in-touch about children’s lives on the internet.)

Sorry for the mammoth post

I've got children around your age and that's not how it was for them. Yes, we're in a rough area but I've never let my children mix with druggies, thieves or criminals.

It sounds like you had an enjoyed a lovely childhood and I'm glad, but the only families who had 4 year olds roaming the streets round here had rather chaotic lives.

I did all of this and agree with you although I didn’t get a mobile until I was 12 and that was back in 1998 and considered the height of sophistication. It was also when I started getting into the internet and (mostly) MSN messenger and MSN chat rooms so stopped “playing out” by then but definitely did it beforehand without phones and just on a promise to be home by, for example, half six (and sometimes getting home a bit earlier to “prove” myself so my mom or dad might let me have an extra half an hour out).

YANBU. My nieces are only just allowed to go the park that is on the other side of their road on their own. At their age I got on my bike and rode to the park ten minutes away and used to spend the day there with my cousins and friends.

You’re right, but children don’t see the appeal,(then again I never did and it’s a long time since I was a child), because of iPads, and they would much rather be comfortable indoors with Netflix and the like than out roaming the streets playing with junk.

There was one family who let a four year old out to play on our street, but the Mum wasnt very well thought of for doing it. I once found a baby in a nappy (nothing else), playing on my front lawn (same Mum)...she was nowhere to be seen!!!

@hellcarryingahandbag

Don’t they get bored? Honestly my siblings don’t seem to, but I can only seem to do so much time on screens before it gets a bit dull.

but children don’t see the appeal,(then again I never did and it’s a long time since I was a child), because of iPads, and they would much rather be comfortable indoors with Netflix and the like than out roaming the streets playing with junk.

Is it just that though? Granted there was no Netflix or IPads when I was younger but I had a PC and console with loads of games on it and whilst I enjoyed playing on them a lot, I equally loved “playing out” and going round to knock on for my friends.

In a world of increasing safety measures it seems young people are being held back a lot compared to their parents and that generation in this case.

I used to go swimming on my own from about the age of 11. I also played out in the street or local park with friends. Cant imagine my daughter doing that now. Yanbu.

@TabbyMumz

There was definitely a few of the babies wandering in nappies, they usually had parents who’d ask us kids to watch them while they did the washing up or something.

Fewer kids playing out mean that those who are, are more vulnerable.

We also had DS’s and a few had Wii’s and that sort of thing. Everyone played on them a bit but preferred playing out by a mile

@Twooter

That’s something I didn’t consider! There’s definitely a bit difference between 3/4 kids to a big group.

^Ahh I put DS’s, I dont meant sons, I mean the nintendo consoles

We all played out as kids, then a child in our town was kidnapped and murdered in horrific circumstances. The police were in evidence for months. It was horrible. People started doubting their neighbours.

It happened years ago but I am still very careful with ds. Can’t help it.

Well I'm a lot older than you and there is no way in hell my mum would have let me out to play on my own at the age of 4! That seems unusual. Maybe it's just your area. Everyone always thinks their childhood was the best, or at least in the best era. My friends were going on and on about how fantastic the 90s were at this weekend for this exact reason. Personally I think every era has its pros and cons and everyone is brought up differently. It doesn't mean that there is a 'right' or 'best' way or time to grow up.

The mums round here regularly let their kids roam free... however on a few occasions now I’ve been driving and had to emergency stop as there has been 3/4 year olds playing in the middle of the road with parents no where in sight! To me that’s just shitty parenting.
I don’t let my kids play out alone, maybe when they’re teenagers but I don’t think there responsible enough yet.

I agree, OP. I was a child in the 1950’s and 60’s, and all the kids on the street played out all day. We went to the woods, the fields, the park, and didn’t come home until tea time or it got dark, whichever was first.
Not only were there no mobile phones, but my parents didn’t even have a landline. Or a car, if they needed to look for us. They had no idea where we were and didn’t particularly care, as long as we were out of sight and earshot and therefore not annoying them!
I walked alone to the local shops from the age of 3. I was home alone after school from the age of 7.
I think there’s probably a happy medium to be found somewhere - today’s children are terribly supervised and overprotected, to the point they must struggle when they finally get to uni and don’t know how to cope with simple adult tasks - but I think we were rather overexposed to risk, even though it made us very resourceful and independent.

Thing's are different now, we roamed the streets, never really having the comfort of allowed enjoy family life.
Life was boring.
Back then drug dealers sold their own drugs now they recruit DC. I remember one sexual assault and murder of a young girl in the 90's now sex attacks are far more frequent. Stabbing one punch assaults so many young people's lift taking away.
You knew your neighbour's then now there are many different cultures, folk hide away, people don't look out anymore. My DC play out in the summer they never walk the street's in the dark cold nights. Granted no harm comes to the poor DC who are left to walk the streets all year around, most from a chaotic home but I pity them.
When I bring them in to play I know they envy DD's life.

The older toddler ish kids playing out here have families who you wouldn’t want your children playing with. The older kids playing out are the older siblings of said toddler children. Mine don’t play out much because of the other children that play out funnily enough.

When I used to play out, nobody knew where we where often we had travels miles away and where hanging around with dubious creatures smoking and drinking at you ages. I was followed once by a strange man for ages and likely only remained safe as a women driver spotted something amiss and drove slowly next to me chatting as if we knew each other till I was in my street.

Can’t say that’s the life I want for mine.

@EmeraldShamrock

The different cultures mention is silly, I was the only black girl in my area, my best friend was Turkish and there was 2 Polish girls in our little group too. People hiding away from different cultures can only be detrimental.

@Babdoc

I agree! My friend from Sixth Form is 18 too, her mum tracks her through her phone and drives here everywhere, she’s not allowed to walk down the street even though she lives in the richest and safest area for miles. She’s not going to uni because her parents are scared (and have in turn scared her) that something bad will happen.

I'm 34, grew up in a proper rough area and even then letting 4 year old wander around was judged, and never were us kids expected to look after babies toddling around in nappies so their parents could wash up .

We did however used to play put as massive groups playing kick out ball, red rover, Bulldogs etc. And in the summer people used to spend a lot of time.in their front gardens so they could keep an eye on the kids. Woman over the road used to do her ironing and see hair clients right on her front lawn.

Times change though and looking back through rose tinted glasses (although at 18 how rose tinted can they be?) Is all good and well but look with a critical eye and you see the problems with having whole host of children just wandering all day with little supervision.

I grew up in the 60s and hated playing out. Preferred reading or playing post offices.
My dh grew up in the same area and was out from age 5 on derelict sites, walking miles in the countryside and getting up to all sorts with his mates.
My dcs grew up in London and played out in the culdesac and were on trains, buses and underground alone at 11.

@OneForMeToo

It’s strange but somehow one of us ever drank or smoked. Our parents weren’t perfect and in summer they’d often sit out till early hours and drink, or we’d wander round parties they had in gardens together. There was a group of teens who rode modified mopeds and smoked weed, but somehow we never got involved in it all, it’s good (obviously) but somewhat surprising now that I think about it

@FormerlyFrikadela01

There were definitely some dubious moments of parenting, but overall I’m pretty confident in saying that no one was badly affected by it. Most of the older ones are in uni or have jobs and younger ones in college doing A-levels or a level 3 course.