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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not feel sorry for colleague ripped off at strip club?

551 replies

Bibbiditybobbidy · 26/01/2020 23:00

30 year old colleague went to a well known strip club on a stag do, and woke up the next day with £7k missing from bank acct.
He was so drunk it appears he managed to spend all that without knowing. When he complained they sent him evidence of himself ( CCTV) at the bar authorising each transaction, times receipts etc
He parents have had to lend him ££ as he’s at his over draft limit and he’s paying them back.
He’s weeping and wailing about it but I just think he’s been an arse and should learn as lesson AIBU? He’s getting lots of sympathy about the ‘injustice’ of it in the office... but he's exactly the kind of guy to show off in front of his mates playing the big man, while he’s actually a bit of a beta male...I have NO sympathy for him, the little creep!

OP posts:

GoodbyeRosie · 27/01/2020 16:12

I would knock at least £6k off his story , unless you have seen the bank statement.

No way would he have a £5k overdraft, and no, the club wouldn't rinse him for that much and over play their hand.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 27/01/2020 16:12

Have you seen the footage then? Only in wondering how you so clearly know what it shows?

karencantobe · 27/01/2020 16:15

No I have not seen the footage, If he was really drunk then the club would be foolish to forward the footage and more likely to claim it had been lost or the cameras were not working. But if he really is rolling down drunk as you claim without any evidence, then he can get his money back.

Pumperthepumper · 27/01/2020 16:18

I’m not sure he was scammed, presuming he did actually get what he paid for £7k worth of drinks and lap dances.

It’s so easy to avoid being ripped off by strip clubs. Incredibly avoidable.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 27/01/2020 16:23

I think he was the only one who got taken for a ride - either that or the others aren't keen to be pegged for it

I'd put money (but not £7k ) on the second option. While I've little sympathy for him, the very reason the clubs get away with this is that the clients are often too ashamed to blab

Loving the glaring display of double standards though ...

Pumperthepumper · 27/01/2020 16:26

What double standards? Are we suggesting he was sexually assaulted? What’s the comparison here?

CorneliusBeefington · 27/01/2020 16:27

And no, the club wouldn't rinse him for that much and over play their hand

Dancers will literally rinse a customer for every penny they can get out of them. That's their job. If they can get something to spend 5k, they will get them to spend 5k.

SmellMySmellbow · 27/01/2020 16:27

I'm really chuffed for the women who were on shift that night!

ForalltheSaints · 27/01/2020 16:27

I'm surprised that c90 of you think the OP was being unreasonable.

karencantobe · 27/01/2020 16:29

There is no double standard. Women do not go to bars, get filmed going up to the bar and paying for drinks by chip and pin and then say they were too drunk to consent to sex.
About the only cases I have seen where a man has been prosecuted for raping a drunk woman is where there is footage either of her unconscious or drifting in and out of consciousness.
Sure if this man was unconscious on the floor and the staff were waving his card multiple times over the contactless payment it just might be a comparison.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 27/01/2020 16:30

If he was really drunk then the club would be foolish to forward the footage and more likely to claim it had been lost or the cameras were not working. But if he really is rolling down drunk as you claim without any evidence, then he can get his money back.
I really don't know - did they give him all of the footage of every transaction that he authorised that night, is it clear from the CCTV what state he is in IE is it moving footage rather than stills, is it a case that even if he's shown to be drunk that he will get his money back? I doubt they'd voluntarily hand it over, maybe he could take them to court to get it back but perhaps they're relying on customers being too embarrassed to do that?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 27/01/2020 16:33

What double standards?

RTFT, Pumper ... if you can't see the double standards involved in "He was drunk so he was asking for it. Only got himself to blame" there's really not much anyone can say to help

Whatisthisfuckery · 27/01/2020 16:34

Well, the objective part of me thinks if he was too drunk the club should not have been letting him make transactions and they should have their license revoked if that’s how they operate. Having said that if he looked capable then how were they to know? Unless he was staggering it could be difficult to prove one way or the other.

The subjective part of me thinks he’s a knob and got what he deserved. I have no sympathy for men who go to strip clubs.

Pumperthepumper · 27/01/2020 16:39

RTFT, Pumper ... if you can't see the double standards involved in "He was drunk so he was asking for it. Only got himself to blame" there's really not much anyone can say to help

I’ve read it, and the only comparison I can see is posters relating ‘got too drunk and spent too much money in the strip club he was in’ to ‘got too drunk and a man used her body for sex’ - is this honestly what you think? Or is it possible there are different rules for drunk men in strip clubs vs drunk women being sexually assaulted?

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 27/01/2020 16:47

Having said that if he looked capable then how were they to know? Unless he was staggering it could be difficult to prove one way or the other.

This is the double standard for me. Can a drunk woman consent to sex? If she's drunk, but conscious and not staggering has she given valid consent? Can a man use the above defence - that she wasn't staggering, she gave consent so how was he to know that she was too drunk?

In the club instance, they know how much alcohol the man bought so they would have a tough idea just how intoxicated he was. No defence imo.to claim they didn't know he was drunk.

FizzyIce · 27/01/2020 16:50

Ha! That’ll teach him .. Or maybe not

Pumperthepumper · 27/01/2020 16:54

I know you have form for this hearhooves but you must see how ridiculous this is. He got drunk and spent too much money - he received what he paid for, presumably. That’s not comparable to a person deciding to rape a drunk woman, a man deciding that a woman is drunk enough for him to use her body.

A better comparison would be a woman who has too much to drink and wanders into a car showroom, and spends too much money on a car. In which case, I doubt she’d get much sympathy on here.

A man being ripped off is not the same as a woman being raped. Regardless of how drunk either of them were.

MyFamilyAndOtherAnimals1 · 27/01/2020 16:56

It's odd that a bank would authorise that much in one evening, in separate transactions, without checking.

MyFamilyAndOtherAnimals1 · 27/01/2020 16:58

Wouldn't that pay for a lot of lap dances?
(... tempted to google the cost of one lap dance, but don't really want to have that question in my search history!!)

karencantobe · 27/01/2020 16:58

Because being raped is just like putting your pin number into a terminal to pay.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 27/01/2020 17:01

I know you have form for this hearhooves but you must see how ridiculous this is. He got drunk and spent too much money - he received what he paid for, presumably. That’s not comparable to a person deciding to rape a drunk woman, a man deciding that a woman is drunk enough for him to use her body.

Well, for a start we don't know what he paid for or whether he got what he paid for.

Secondly, can you explain the difference here - a pp said that if he wasn't staggering about then how were the club to know that he was too drunk to understand what he was doing. So, I asked the question about consenting to sex in the same circumstances. I'm not talking about a man raping an unconscious woman. I'm talking about 2 people having sex, both consented but they are both drunk. Is that still consensual sex? Consent was given but whilst drunk. Now, you're saying that the fact he was drunk doesn't matter. He should have been careful about what he was doing, if he was too drunk to know then more fool him. Is it only in cases of drunk men being ripped off in strip clubs that you apply this morality?

CorneliusBeefington · 27/01/2020 17:10

MyFamilyAndOtherAnimals1 a single lap dance is usually £20 for one song, so about three minutes.

Pumperthepumper · 27/01/2020 17:10

Is it only in cases of drunk men being ripped off in strip clubs that you apply this morality?

He consented to spending that money, he handed his card over again and again AND (I’m assuming) received the services he paid £7k for. If someone raped him while he was paralysed drunk then I’d say he couldn’t consent. He’s lost money through his actions, he hasn’t had his body used for someone else’s gratification. It’s completely bizarre you’d pretend not to know the difference here.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 27/01/2020 17:22

And lots of people have list money through their own actions - like a couple who were in the news because they handed over all of their bank details to a scammer over the phone. I don't recall anyone saying it was their fault, they did it voluntarily.

Everyone keeps saying he got the services that he paid £7k for, but how do you know that? They might have been charging him £500 for a £50 bottle of drink, but he was too drunk to realise. If I was him I'd be wanting itemised receipts for every penny charged to my account. Even if he was in the club for 10 hours that's £700 and hour he was spending - how?

Pumperthepumper · 27/01/2020 17:24

So you see the difference between spending too much / being raped?

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