Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not feel sorry for colleague ripped off at strip club?

551 replies

Bibbiditybobbidy · 26/01/2020 23:00

30 year old colleague went to a well known strip club on a stag do, and woke up the next day with £7k missing from bank acct.
He was so drunk it appears he managed to spend all that without knowing. When he complained they sent him evidence of himself ( CCTV) at the bar authorising each transaction, times receipts etc
He parents have had to lend him ££ as he’s at his over draft limit and he’s paying them back.
He’s weeping and wailing about it but I just think he’s been an arse and should learn as lesson AIBU? He’s getting lots of sympathy about the ‘injustice’ of it in the office... but he's exactly the kind of guy to show off in front of his mates playing the big man, while he’s actually a bit of a beta male...I have NO sympathy for him, the little creep!

OP posts:
karencantobe · 27/01/2020 17:27

Oh no all those people at Las Vegas spending too much foolishly. Surely they must all be drunk and should be stopped from spending much money?

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 27/01/2020 17:29

I've never said it was comparable to being raped.

I've been asking how far people are able to be responsible for decisions that they make whilst drunk - agree to have sex while you are drunk and it might be deemed that you weren't able to give consent due to being drunk (even though you did give consent). Spend money whilst black out drunk and everyone says that you knew full well what you were doing and only have yourself to blame. I'm asking what's the difference - if we accept that whilst drunk your consent cannot be given and therefore anyone acting on it is breaking the law with regards sex why isn't it the case with other things that you do whilst drunk?

in2dagroove · 27/01/2020 17:37

Charlie big potato's gets his comeuppance. No sympathy and happy that some ladies had a nice Christmas on him

Pumperthepumper · 27/01/2020 17:39

The difference is: in one case consent is assumed because you are repeatedly handing money over for services, and in the other case someone else uses your body.

randomchap · 27/01/2020 17:39

I'm really chuffed for the women who were on shift that night!

I very much doubt that the dancers will see much of the money.

CorneliusBeefington · 27/01/2020 17:40

They might have been charging him £500 for a £50 bottle of drink, but he was too drunk to realise.
The mark up on drinks in strip clubs is insane. You can buy a bottle of grey goose for £30 from ASDA, in a strip club, the same bottle would be probably £130+. If it is a chain club, there will be a drinks price list.

If I was him I'd be wanting itemised receipts for every penny charged to my account.
Again, in a chain club, the CCTV will be good enough to count the hairs on your arsehole. It's there to protect the dancers and the club (and usually a license requirement). The club will likely be able to show exactly what he was buying, at what times and who he was with and what he was saying. (Sound is also usually a requirement on strip club CCTV).

Even if he was in the club for 10 hours that's £700 and hour he was spending - how?
It is spectacularly easy to spend that kind of money in a strip club. I wrote an example of how a few pages back.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 27/01/2020 17:41

The difference is: in one case consent is assumed because you are repeatedly handing money over for services, and in the other case someone else uses your body.

So they've used your body even though you've consented? How?

WTAFFF · 27/01/2020 17:41

Have there actually been any prosecutions where the woman has said she consented but police deemed her too drunk to consent and prosecuted her sexual partner for rape? I’m genuinely curious, as I can’t imagine that this happens with any regularity (or indeed at all).

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 27/01/2020 17:43

Again, in a chain club, the CCTV will be good enough to count the hairs on your arsehole. It's there to protect the dancers and the club (and usually a license requirement). The club will likely be able to show exactly what he was buying, at what times and who he was with and what he was saying. (Sound is also usually a requirement on strip club CCTV).

Which is great then. So he'll be able to see exactly what he bought, how much he paid for it and just how sober he was whilst doing it. Wonder how long they keep that for?

Redyellowpink · 27/01/2020 17:43

Haven't rtwt bit wtf?! Man spends 7k exploiting vulnerable women, gets bailed out by wealthy parents and faces no discrimination or discipline at work for doing so, his female colleagues have to listen to his sexist bullshit microagressions...and he's the victim Shock

Pumperthepumper · 27/01/2020 17:44

So they've used your body even though you've consented? How?

I don’t know what this means.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 27/01/2020 17:45

faces no discrimination or discipline at work for doing so,

Why would he be disciplined at work? It isn't illegal, he wasn't at work whilst doing it and presumably wasn't using company money to pay for it. Why would he be disciplined at work?

Redyellowpink · 27/01/2020 17:47

These chain clubs are also well known for zero hour contracts, facilitating prostitution, hiring illegal uninsured and underage workers....hang on again, remind me who the victim in this situation is?

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 27/01/2020 17:48

Pumperthepumper

I go out tonight and get drunk and have sex with some random man, agreeing with him that I want to do it. Tomorrow when I wake up I can't believe what I've done, would never have done it had I been so we and yet I said yes at the time. Did I consent or not?

Pumperthepumper · 27/01/2020 17:48

Have there actually been any prosecutions where the woman has said she consented but police deemed her too drunk to consent and prosecuted her sexual partner for rape? I’m genuinely curious, as I can’t imagine that this happens with any regularity (or indeed at all).

With massive fucking reluctance because it brings all the apologists out - yes. Ched Evans being an example. She thought he’d stolen her bag, but when he gave a statement to the police they arrested him for rape, on his version of what happened that night.

CorneliusBeefington · 27/01/2020 17:49

Which is great then. So he'll be able to see exactly what he bought, how much he paid for it and just how sober he was whilst doing it. Wonder how long they keep that for?

I'd imagine so yes. It's kept a month usually. Then it goes on a hard drive for a year. If the club can't prove that they had adequate CCTV of a particular incident (whatever it may be) then they are subject to fines and potential loss of license.

Pumperthepumper · 27/01/2020 17:50

I go out tonight and get drunk and have sex with some random man, agreeing with him that I want to do it. Tomorrow when I wake up I can't believe what I've done, would never have done it had I been so we and yet I said yes at the time. Did I consent or not?

I have no idea Hooves. Again, I know you have form for this kind of talk but try to understand - him consenting to spending too much money is not the same as him consenting to sex. So the ‘double standards’ of men/women being taking advantage of when drunk are nonsense. But you see that now.

CorneliusBeefington · 27/01/2020 17:50

These chain clubs are also well known for zero hour contracts, facilitating prostitution, hiring illegal uninsured and underage workers....hang on again, remind me who the victim in this situation is?

I get your point, but you really couldn't be more wrong here.

FabbyChix · 27/01/2020 17:51

No sympathy here

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 27/01/2020 17:54

It is a scam, and it happens in those kind pf places a lot. Get a client drunk so that they lose control, and rip them off. In a bar if you drink too much they will refuse you further drinks, but here it would kill the business, so they make you drink until you almost pass out, but are just about able to authorise transactions. I would still feel bad, no one deserves that.

Whatisthisfuckery · 27/01/2020 17:57

When I have bought drinks, I’ve then decided I’m too pissed already and left them. I’ve still paid for the drink but I’m under no obligation to drink it, but I’m not entitled to my money back because the transaction has already happened.

If I give my consent to have sex, I can then decide that actually, I don’t want the sex after all. I can withdraw my consent at any time up to or during the sex if I want.

The two things are very different. A drunk person is responsible for putting the drink into their body, where as during sex a man is putting his penis into a woman’s body. If I get blasted and spend all my money it’s still me who has actively consumed the alcohol, so the book stops with me. Doing something yourself and having something done to you are two different things. If upon buying a drink he was forced to then drink the drink I’d see your point, but he wasn’t, and if he didn’t look visibly drunk and he was served drinks he then chose to consume then he’s a bit fucked really.
The best policy Hooves, is just to not put your penis into a woman who has consumed alcohol. That’ll clear everything up nicely.

And I’m not having it that someone was black out drunk but still maintained the appearance of being coherent. I have only been black out pissed once but it only hit me after I stopped drinking. It’s the getting home I can’t remember. Not saying it’s not possible but it seems unlikely, especially if he had time to blow 7k.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 27/01/2020 17:57

Pumperthepumper

Surely the issue is whether he did consent though? From what MonaLisa says it seems that maybe he didn't

randomchap · 27/01/2020 17:58

Maybe if the police/licencing committee investigated these reports of potential scamming/fraud then these places could be shut down.

Just brushing it under the carpet and ignoring the allegations will just allow these places to continue to take advantage of the punters, and the women who work there.

PanicAndRun · 27/01/2020 18:02

I recognise a few of the names on here from threads about sexual assaults or male violence. The fall over themselves to find ridiculous reasons why the man is innocent, possibly a victim and defending him till the cows come home. Mental gymnastics at it's best.

So I'll make use of their own words "what happened to innocent until proven guilty"?

The police hasn't even acted yet, the club hasn't been found guilty of any wrongdoing. You weren't there. He might be lying. Things just don't add up for me. So how do you know he has been scammed? How can you accuse the club of scamming him? That's defamation you know....

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 27/01/2020 18:05

That's defamation you know....

How can you defame an anonymous place that may well be the figment of someone's imagination?

Swipe left for the next trending thread