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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not feel sorry for colleague ripped off at strip club?

551 replies

Bibbiditybobbidy · 26/01/2020 23:00

30 year old colleague went to a well known strip club on a stag do, and woke up the next day with £7k missing from bank acct.
He was so drunk it appears he managed to spend all that without knowing. When he complained they sent him evidence of himself ( CCTV) at the bar authorising each transaction, times receipts etc
He parents have had to lend him ££ as he’s at his over draft limit and he’s paying them back.
He’s weeping and wailing about it but I just think he’s been an arse and should learn as lesson AIBU? He’s getting lots of sympathy about the ‘injustice’ of it in the office... but he's exactly the kind of guy to show off in front of his mates playing the big man, while he’s actually a bit of a beta male...I have NO sympathy for him, the little creep!

OP posts:
Cautionsharpblade · 27/01/2020 13:20

He was drunk so he was asking for it. Only got himself to blame

The double standards on MN are quite breath-taking at times

KarmaStar · 27/01/2020 13:22

He made a bad mistake.
But the harshness of your judgement of another person is quite sickening.

LinoVentura · 27/01/2020 13:31

Man wants to use women (drinks, attention, sex or the like) but thinks he should get it for free. He's then surprised to see that they used him back.

What makes you think he was expecting not to pay anything for his night out? And more importantly, do you really think the majority of that 7K is going into the hands of women? Trying to present a strip club making money as a triumph of women over men is a bit ludicrous imo although I suppose it is possible the owners/shareholders of the strip club are all women.

karencantobe · 27/01/2020 13:34

Presumably he used his pin number and the club have forwarded footage of him buying drinks. If he was walking and talking normally, he was choosing to spend the money.
He may not have looked at the transactions, or agreed to set up a tab. But being foolish with money is not a crime.

Rezie · 27/01/2020 14:18

I feel bad for the guy. I mean it was a lesson learned and not scammed in traditional sense, but was he aware of all the transactions? Like he paid for a private dance with one girl, then that girl invited a friend and suddenly he is paying double without realizing. I'm pretty sure the club's take full advantage of someone who is drunk, horny and idiot.

It is a lesson learned but it can take a long time to get it back. Yeah, he seems a bit of a douchebag and refusing to take responsibility is bad. But I can understand how he feels takes advantage of. Also his friends are idiots.

While I understand that many don't feel for him but saying he was asking for it is harsh for obvious reasons.

CorneliusBeefington · 27/01/2020 14:20

And more importantly, do you really think the majority of that 7K is going into the hands of women? Trying to present a strip club making money as a triumph of women over men is a bit ludicrous imo although I suppose it is possible the owners/shareholders of the strip club are all women.

It genuinely depends on what he bought.

All drinks cost will go to the club, so a couple of 1k bottles of champagne (six glasses in each bottle).
Couple of bottle of vodka plus mixers, maybe £300 x 2.
Round of shots £100 minimum.

Three dancers for four hours time £400 per hour, £1600 x 3. £4800 total. Less the club fee, usually about 20/25%. Each dancer will have gone home with a minimum of about a grand from the one customer.

Strip clubs exist to make money.

SoupDragon · 27/01/2020 14:20

but was he aware of all the transactions?

Of course he was. It was the early hours of the morning after a stag night. He was making a perfectly rational and informed choice to make each one of the transactions. According to some on this thread.

karencantobe · 27/01/2020 14:23

It may not have been a rational decision. But he authorised each transaction with a pin number. So yes he agreed to them.

safariboot · 27/01/2020 14:36

YABU to refer to him as "a beta male". That's being part of the problem.

But unless he was charged prices no reasonable person could expect, I'd say he's not been scammed. A thousand quid for a bottle of fancy champagne and an hour's private dancing is reasonable. A thousand quid for two points of Strongbow would be scam.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 27/01/2020 14:50

So he paid out a huge amount of money on pretty young women dancing for him and buying drinks

He did to do this to boost his ego and feel powerful - what a stupid prat no sympathy

AllHeart1 · 27/01/2020 15:00

Saying he was drunk so asking for it is a very slippery slope to head down. If you say that about one then you could say that about other things....

karencantobe · 27/01/2020 15:01

He was able to put in his pin number. You can't do that if you are very drunk.

karencantobe · 27/01/2020 15:02

What I would suspect more is that he is talking up the drunk angle to cover his stupidity.

LinoVentura · 27/01/2020 15:11

YABU to refer to him as "a beta male". That's being part of the problem.

Exactly. Only a misogynist would disparage women for not being whatever the female equivalent of an alpha male is.

Original poster
Bibbiditybobbidy · 27/01/2020 15:15

I called him a beta male as he’s eternally single but that’s because despite looking like a ordinary, ok looking, little bloke not in great shape his standards for women are hilariously high - basically he wants a girlfriend that looks like a super model...

OP posts:
KennyRogersWasNotInStarWars · 27/01/2020 15:19

Man is surprised that business exploiting women also exploits men Hmm

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 27/01/2020 15:31

Strip club - bloke repeatedly orders drink or lap dance, hands over card, machine with amount he is being charged on the screen is handed to him and he puts in his correct pin number to authorise the transaction. Repeat ad nauseam. The is clear video evidence that matches the transactions.

But you are assuming that he was sober enough to realise the amounts that he was being charged, which he might not have been. Was he, for example, allowed to run up a tab do that by the time he came to pay he was too drunk to realise how much he was paying?

Obviously what I'm getting from this thread is that if you get blind drunk on a night out then you deserve whatever happens to you and it is your responsibility to keep yourself safe.

karencantobe · 27/01/2020 15:41

@hearhooves Oh come on! If you are able to tap in your pin number on those terminals, then you are not blind drunk.

karencantobe · 27/01/2020 15:43

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras And yes if you are paying for things by card it is your responsibility to read how much you are being charged before putting your pin number in. And to keep a track of how much you are spending.
You seem determined to see this bloke as a poor drunk man taken advantage of, when the evidence does not support that.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 27/01/2020 15:43

Oh come on! If you are able to tap in your pin number on those terminals, then you are not blind drunk.

I don't agree at all. I've seen people on nights out be staggering around drunk but still paying for fast food using chip and pin.

I got drunk once and managed to order some stuff from Amazon, inputting all of my details, but had absolutely no memory of it the next day.

CorneliusBeefington · 27/01/2020 15:45

Again, obviously I can only go off my own experience but strip clubs will rarely let customers run up a drink tab without making sure the funds are available or having it paid off periodically. Big ticket drinks will be paid for upfront.

Dances/time with dancers is always paid up front beforehand.

Otherwise customers would drink the champagne, have time with the dancers and then refuse to pay.

karencantobe · 27/01/2020 15:46

Nope they use contactless for fast food if drunk. One swipe. But that is for less than £30.
And Amazon save your card details.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 27/01/2020 15:47

And yes if you are paying for things by card it is your responsibility to read how much you are being charged before putting your pin number in. And to keep a track of how much you are spending.

People get rolling on the floor drunk and don't know who they are or how to get home but somehow they aren't responsible for keeping themselves safe but get drunk and spend on your credit card and it's all your fault and you should have been keeping track of what you were spending.

It doesn't make sense does it? If we accept that drunk people lack capacity to make decisions (eg having sex) then why don't they lack capacity in other areas too?

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 27/01/2020 15:49

Nope they use contactless for fast food if drunk. One swipe. But that is for less than £30.
And Amazon save your card details.

Some people might well use contactless but the people that I'm talking about didn't. I stood behind them as they put their pin number in.

And I don't store my details on Amazon because it's too easy to spend without thinking. I enter my details so that I have to make the effort.

karencantobe · 27/01/2020 15:56

@hearhooves I am beginning to wonder if you are this bloke's mums? Because honestly you are talking rubbish and trying every which way to defend him.
The strip club have footage of him going to the bar, ordering and paying. They have forwarded this to him. If he was drunk enough to not not know what he was doing, or even rolling around on the floor drunk, he would get his money back. The club forwarded the footage to show there was nothing the matter with him.