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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not feel sorry for colleague ripped off at strip club?

551 replies

Bibbiditybobbidy · 26/01/2020 23:00

30 year old colleague went to a well known strip club on a stag do, and woke up the next day with £7k missing from bank acct.
He was so drunk it appears he managed to spend all that without knowing. When he complained they sent him evidence of himself ( CCTV) at the bar authorising each transaction, times receipts etc
He parents have had to lend him ££ as he’s at his over draft limit and he’s paying them back.
He’s weeping and wailing about it but I just think he’s been an arse and should learn as lesson AIBU? He’s getting lots of sympathy about the ‘injustice’ of it in the office... but he's exactly the kind of guy to show off in front of his mates playing the big man, while he’s actually a bit of a beta male...I have NO sympathy for him, the little creep!

OP posts:
JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 27/01/2020 10:02

I also think he needs to reconsider the status of his 'mates' as mates as all they seem to be doing is pointing and laughing.

Yes, it is his fault but I don't think he's the only one to blame.

damnthatanxiety · 27/01/2020 10:02

Noeuf there is a massive difference between 'spending' and 'being scammed'.

Original poster
Bibbiditybobbidy · 27/01/2020 10:04

He was sooo excited about going too... that's how it came out, every one going, 'So Dave how was that stag do?? Live up to expectations??' And he couldn't keep stum.

OP posts:
PatellarTendonitis · 27/01/2020 10:28

What Cornelius said. Had to borrow money off his folks, LOL. If my son did that I'd tell him to go swivel.

MummyJasmin · 27/01/2020 10:29

What a numpty! lol.

Original poster
Bibbiditybobbidy · 27/01/2020 10:30

I can't quite believe he owned up to his mum and dad, but at least they were in a position to lend him some cash I suppose...

OP posts:
corcaithecat · 27/01/2020 10:35

Firstly, these sorts of sex clubs really don’t belong in a civilised society, in my view.

However, I do feel a little bit sorry for him as he was clearly out of his depth and didn’t realise that he risked losing large sums of money in such a club.

I think clubs like this are very unethical taking money from anyone that’s seriously intoxicated and I think they should have their licenses revoked. After all, they’re supplying the booze as well as the entertainment.

I also think there are obvious parallels with sexual consent here in that it should be a statutory criminal offence to take advantage, (sexual, pecuniary etc.) of anyone who is clearly intoxicated to that extent.

Mlou32 · 27/01/2020 10:44

It's shit but everyone who plays the big man needs to be brought down to earth with a bang at some point.

CorneliusBeefington · 27/01/2020 10:45

Will also add that most banks would phone the customer/block the customer's card so they had to physically go and speak to the bank in order to spend large amounts. They had to go through all the security questions and be with it enough to speak to the bank staff.

It was often not as simple as getting the customer to agree to spending.

I'd be very surprised if he managed to spend 7k without having to authorize it with his bank over the phone.

sassbott · 27/01/2020 10:46

Zero sympathy and also, I cannot believe he didn’t know about this. Most men (by a certain age) absolutely know how strip clubs operate.
Even I as a female know that drinks are exhorbitant, exit prices can be charged if you leave without getting a drink/ dance. That the security in these places is highly questionable (I.e you will find a way to pay with money otherwise it’s likely you will pay by being manhandled roughly on the way out).

Depending on where he was, the amount of money being spoken about is not ridiculous. So called ‘ballers’ from London/ old school banking/ increasingly the tech world will think nothing of hitting nightclubs/ strip clubs and spending thousands in a few hours.

He wasn’t scammed. He was being a ‘baller’ and most likely for that sum of money buying champagne / dances for the party. He probably also enjoyed being treated like a king for the night. I’ve heard enough stories to not believe he was scammed. Plus the CCTV images showing him as actively authorising the transactions, well, that says it all.

I’m more aghast at his parents bailing him out. I hope they’re making him pay back every penny. I find it hard to believe that I would bail any of my children out for stupidity like this.

Nb. For all of the people bringing up alcohol / being drunk. Has it crossed your minds that drugs / cocaine may also have been involved with this evening? In which case he won’t appear intoxicated. And that also helps rack up a 7k bill.

Vanhi · 27/01/2020 10:46

I think there are separate issues. 1. He sounds like a knob. I have no sympathy for men who use strip clubs. 2. The club took advantage of the fact that he was too inebriated to work out exactly how much he was spending.

The fact that he's a knob doesn't mean it's OK to take advantage of him being drunk. We don't, or shouldn't, decide on the relative morality of wrong-doing based on the victim's character. You might not like me either but it would still be wrong for someone to, for example, con passwords out of me and hack into my bank account.

Urkiddingright · 27/01/2020 10:49

7k, wowzer... I’m amazed his bank didn’t block it tbh, I have had a short block placed on my account during a shopping trip once because they were worried my card had been stolen.

No sympathy though, no.

wibblysnail · 27/01/2020 10:51

If you think that he spent the money freely despite being blind drunk then do you think someone blind drunk can consent to sex?

In law you can't consent to sex when blind drunk so no, they can't. He willingly handed over the cash or his card so he freely spent the cash.

Original poster
Bibbiditybobbidy · 27/01/2020 10:55

For those saying about the bank, DP once had a card cloned in London and almost £10k was put on it before it was stopped 24hrs later, so I don't think they always do stop large transactions immediately. Maybe the fact he was inputting pin in each time helped...
His parents are making him pay it all back. I don't think they care that some exotic dancers probably had a great Xmas off the back of this...

OP posts:
Areyoufree · 27/01/2020 10:57

I feel sorry for him. I think it's a really tricky issue - the problem is, that whether they are morally acceptable or not - strip clubs are generally socially acceptable. Especially on stag dos. My husband hates them, because they will try and scam you, but has gone before as it is part of the "stag experience". One club charged a "drink fee" as they went in. He later wanted to go for a cigarette, and before he left, he checked with the bouncer that he could come back in, but when he tried to come back in, the same bouncer wanted to charge him again. He declined, and just left.

I would be tempted to take it further, to be honest. I used to work in a casino, and we were not supposed to let drunk people play. This was never enforced. We all knew that technically if someone lost a lot of money whilst drunk, they would have a very good case for claiming it back. Of course, they would probably then never be able to play in a UK casino again, as news travels fast and casinos love to ban punters who cost them money! So, I guess it would depend on whether he wanted to visit a strip club again (one would hope not).

karencantobe · 27/01/2020 11:05

There are legal standards for how drunk you have to be for it to be considered rape or not be able to spend money. There are no double standards.
And nobody has to go to a strip club.

Blacksackunderthetreesfreeze · 27/01/2020 11:15

If I were him I would not be telling people! Especially at work!

ZorbaTheHoarder · 27/01/2020 11:16

What I don't understand is why councils give these clubs licences to operate, knowing that their business is ripping people off?

z0fl0ra · 27/01/2020 11:31

Confused to why it’s okay for girls to be sex workers and calling them prostitutes or anything else is now seen as offensive and we should let them make a living but we’re allowed to bash the people who use these venues? And yes they were breaking the terms of their license by letting someone that obviously drunk spend that much money and I hope it takes it further and gets his money back and I hope these clubs will very soon be a thing of the past

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 27/01/2020 11:37

When you were talking about consent for sex. Non consensual sex is rape. You know this.

No, I'm talking about consent and the circumstances under which we are considered able to give consent. I'm not comparing what happened to this man with rape. I am saying if someone when drunk is considered unable to consent to X then how could they consent to Y.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 27/01/2020 11:41

This man was clearly scammed, just as people have been scammed into giving out bank details over the phone and then have their life savings stolen. I've heard of cases where the banks returned that money. Would you be equally judgemental about those people - that they willingly behave out their details and so deserved to be scammed?

If he was blackout drunk he obviously didn't understand the amounts that he was authorising on his card and the club shouldn't have been selling him alcohol when he was drunk. Where he was is irrelevant.

acatcalledjohn · 27/01/2020 11:41

If he put his pin in every time he ordered something then, quite frankly, he wasn't entirely away with the fairies. Plus, not everyone presents as paralytic. I would, but plenty of people don't.

I'm struggling to feel sorry for him.

There absolutely is an element of keeping yourself safe because you simply cannot rely on others to do that for you. We're not talking rape here, which is an entirely different level, but simply someone who got drunk, overspent, and now wants to blame everyone/thing else (alcohol, club, bank) for his error of judgement.

You have to remember that with rape there is a failure to obtain consent by the perpetrator. In this case the club got him to enter his pin as a form of consent. If the CCTV confirms that he has no leg to stand on.

No one forced him to drink to the point of losing his memory.

Weetabollocks · 27/01/2020 11:49

This man was clearly scammed, just as people have been scammed into giving out bank details over the phone and then have their life savings stolen.

Eh?

Phone scam - somebody is tricked into giving out bank details to "check and make sure that your account is safe". Account is emptied with completely unauthorised transactions that the victim was completely unaware of.

Strip club - bloke repeatedly orders drink or lap dance, hands over card, machine with amount he is being charged on the screen is handed to him and he puts in his correct pin number to authorise the transaction. Repeat ad nauseam. The is clear video evidence that matches the transactions.

The two are not the same.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 27/01/2020 12:12

I never thought I'd say this, but I do actually feel sorry for a bloke who visited a strip club. That is such a lot of money to lose, and I do think people are too laissez-faire about sales to people who are bladdered.

Mind you, totally shocked that a business in the sleazy, exploitative industry that is strip-clubs also exploits customers when it can get away with it. Totally shocked at this consistency, totally.

myself2020 · 27/01/2020 12:12

Fair enough- he can’t control his drinking, he gets punished. Getting drunk enough to loose control over what you are doing should be an offence anyway