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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not feel sorry for colleague ripped off at strip club?

551 replies

Bibbiditybobbidy · 26/01/2020 23:00

30 year old colleague went to a well known strip club on a stag do, and woke up the next day with £7k missing from bank acct.
He was so drunk it appears he managed to spend all that without knowing. When he complained they sent him evidence of himself ( CCTV) at the bar authorising each transaction, times receipts etc
He parents have had to lend him ££ as he’s at his over draft limit and he’s paying them back.
He’s weeping and wailing about it but I just think he’s been an arse and should learn as lesson AIBU? He’s getting lots of sympathy about the ‘injustice’ of it in the office... but he's exactly the kind of guy to show off in front of his mates playing the big man, while he’s actually a bit of a beta male...I have NO sympathy for him, the little creep!

OP posts:
Eckhart · 28/01/2020 07:41

In fact, the tacit agreement regarding sex is that you DON'T, unless clear communication tells you otherwise. The tacit agreement in a strip joint is that they DO take your money and provide a service.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 28/01/2020 07:45

Hooves, I keep saying it but you keep ignoring it, there is CCTV, and an electronic record of his spending. It’s all there if he thinks he has a case, and if he does he should take it further. Would you like to address that point?

I agree. If he has all of the CCTV footage and receipts etc then he should take it further, if that is possible.

I don't know what that process entails though. Maybe there are reasons why it is not possible for him to do it - high legal costs being one of them. Maybe he can't afford to take it further?

Pumperthepumper · 28/01/2020 07:51

In fact, the tacit agreement regarding sex is that you DON'T, unless clear communication tells you otherwise. The tacit agreement in a strip joint is that they DO take your money and provide a service.

Exactly, although very depressing that the difference has to be pointed out so often.

Fr0g · 28/01/2020 07:56

Someone who is clearly intoxicated shouldn't be able to spend 7k in one venue without questions being asked

I expect they were - 'would you like another one of those?'

HandsOffMyLangCleg · 28/01/2020 08:06

*In fact, the tacit agreement regarding sex is that you DON'T, unless clear communication tells you otherwise. The tacit agreement in a strip joint is that they DO take your money and provide a service.

Exactly, although very depressing that the difference has to be pointed out so often.*

Yy

GnomeDePlume · 28/01/2020 08:29

From the OP's description I think he was scammed but not by the club, by his so called friends. The others are keeping quiet because they had a fine old time at his expense.

InMySpareTime · 28/01/2020 08:30

OP says he was in a group of 30 people buying rounds for everyone. At £100+ a drink, he could have spent £3000+ in one transaction but had only one drink himself.
Add a few dances for him and his mates and he'd easily rack up £7k with only a few trips to the bar.
I doubt he was as drunk as he makes out.

Whatisthisfuckery · 28/01/2020 08:43

I very much expect it was Fr0g, but he’s a big boy and he should drink responsibly.

I once got very drunk at a beer festival. It’s the only time I’ve ever got so drunk I’ve not remembered getting home. I was being given drink after drink, and it was strong stuff. It was still my own stupid fault for getting pissed, because I could have refused the drinks but I didn’t. I’ve also been in places where they’ve kept asking, ‘do you want another drink?’ I’ve said no, or drank soft drinks.

Just because someone keeps asking you if you want another drink, doesn’t mean you have to say yes, and if you do then you’re agreeing to get even drunker.

If someone goes out with the expectation that other people will stop them drinking when they’ve had enough then I’m afraid they’re being very immature and probably shouldn’t be allowed in a club, or maybe they should take their mummy out with them just to make sure. The fact that pubs and clubs shouldn’t serve people who are already pissed does not mean they don’t, and everyone who’s ever been on a night out knows that.

None of this of course has anything to do with if a man chooses to put his penis into you when you’re too bladdered to give informed consent or even know what the hell you’re doing, which is a million miles away from getting so plastered you spend 7 grand you don’t have on getting even more plastered and perving over women for entertainment.

GnomeDePlume · 28/01/2020 09:06

Whatisthisfuckery I agree. Go out drinking with a 'fast' crowd then you know that there is a risk you will do something stupid which you bitterly regret in the morning. It is a natural consequence of having too much to drink.

Having something done to you is not a natural consequence of drinking too much.

FlamingoAndJohn · 28/01/2020 09:31

It’s a tricky one. It is hard to have sympathy because of where he was. If this was say, a comedy club, and the same happened then I would be more sympathetic.
As for him having to put in his pin every time he might have been using Apple Pay which doesn’t have an upper limit in many places.

PhilSwagielka · 28/01/2020 09:38

Tough titties, it's his own stupid fault for being so careless. How do you spend that much in a strip club though?

hiddenmnetter · 28/01/2020 09:48

Getting drunk and spending all of your money on strippers is not being scammed, it's just being stupid.

Yep this 100%

Thedeadwood · 28/01/2020 09:50

He’d have been in far more trouble if he’d run up a 7k bill and not been able to pay it!

CorneliusBeefington · 28/01/2020 10:13

He’d have been in far more trouble if he’d run up a 7k bill and not been able to pay it!

With that kind of money, unless he is a regular big spender, they wouldn't have opened a tab, it would be pay before you drinkl/dance.

Sagradafamiliar · 28/01/2020 10:24

I couldn't care less about your name or life story, hearhooves. Your posts stand out a mile to me and others because you go out of your way to defend men and put down women wherever you possibly can, you are conspicuous because you are usually the only one who does so.

hiddenmnetter · 28/01/2020 10:41

Also @Hearhoovesthinkzebras the reason I think there's no sympathy and it's not comparable to tape is because in the light of day a person who has been raped didn't want to be raped. This man presumably wanted these drinks and dances. He just didn't want to pay that much. It's very different. And yes it is therefore his problem. If he can't control himself when drinking he shouldn't drink. It's a far cry from someone who did something they didn't want to do but weren't able to resist advances because they were drunk. It is unscrupulous of the club, but once again that is to be expected when people go to a strip club. They're not renowned for being places for a cheap pint.

He wanted lap dances and drinks. He got them. He just didn't want to pay that much. If he didn't want those things he wouldn't have gone to a strip club. That he regrets how much he spent is the lesson he needs to learn.

No one wants to be raped. That's the difference.

bluebella4 · 28/01/2020 11:12

He's a bloody tool!! Ofcourse he's going to blame the strip club because everyone's opinion on then isn't exactly good, is it?!!
It's the girls who work in them ruin relationships NOT the man who walks into them and has a choice of what they are doing! How dare the club charge him for their services! (Sarcastic)

I know girls who work in them and they are bloody fabulous girls!! It's the men who are the self intitled, tiny dicks who are the problem!

Eckhart · 28/01/2020 14:44

@Sagradafamiliar Who else do Hearhooves posts stand out a mile to? How do you know? Why do you need to bolster your argument with this?

Sagradafamiliar · 28/01/2020 14:58

@Eckhart look upthread.

Eckhart · 28/01/2020 15:11

Yes, I've read it. I can see people misunderstanding the point being made, and some disagreeing (including me)
I don't see anybody else agreeing with you with regard to all Hooves posts, and I think generalisations and 'lots of unnamed people agree with me' are two particularly poor methods of arguing.
Stick to the thread we're on, and speak for yourself. Otherwise it's just a pathetic attempt to take someone down.

Sagradafamiliar · 28/01/2020 16:07

I'm not arguing.
It's been remarked upon many a time. I don't really care what you think about me pointing it out. Many times I've said I'm not engaging with them anymore but it doesn't sit right with me not to challenge that attitude on a forum for women. It really doesn't bother me how you feel about my opinion. I would never rise to dragging anyone else's names into my posts I'm afraid, so sorry if that's what you were looking for.

Sagradafamiliar · 28/01/2020 16:09

I'd like you to quote my posts you want to pick up on next time, btw @Eckhart, just for accuracy's sake, so you don't make the mistake of misrepresenting what I said (for e.g. ALL of a pp's posts. Didn't happen.)

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 28/01/2020 16:20

Eckhart

Your post reads as if you are trying to escalate the conflict and provoke everyone who agrees with Sagrada into speaking-up. At which point it would become a pile-on and loads of posts would be deleted.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 28/01/2020 16:36

Reading posts comparing this scenario to rape of a drunk woman .... the saddest thing is in this twats persons case let's say this ever got to a courtroom, it would never be his word against theirs, his spending history would not be ripped apart, his choice of clothing would not be called into question. He would not be deemed to be "asking for it".

I'm aware what I've just written is garbled and doesn't make much sense and I'm trying to think how I can word it better. Things people do when they are very drunk ... you just can't compare sex with a woman who is so intoxicated she can't stand, can barely talk therefore cannot consent to an idiot getting fleeced in a strip club whilst thinking he's Billy Big Balls.

I'm going to think more about why this bothers me so I explain it better Sad

AgnesNaismith · 28/01/2020 16:41

My husband and his mates walked into one once and decided not to stay. They had to "buy a drink" for £100 each to get out

Hmm I’d be questioning this excuse a little more closely