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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not feel sorry for colleague ripped off at strip club?

551 replies

Bibbiditybobbidy · 26/01/2020 23:00

30 year old colleague went to a well known strip club on a stag do, and woke up the next day with £7k missing from bank acct.
He was so drunk it appears he managed to spend all that without knowing. When he complained they sent him evidence of himself ( CCTV) at the bar authorising each transaction, times receipts etc
He parents have had to lend him ££ as he’s at his over draft limit and he’s paying them back.
He’s weeping and wailing about it but I just think he’s been an arse and should learn as lesson AIBU? He’s getting lots of sympathy about the ‘injustice’ of it in the office... but he's exactly the kind of guy to show off in front of his mates playing the big man, while he’s actually a bit of a beta male...I have NO sympathy for him, the little creep!

OP posts:
Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 27/01/2020 22:08

I think I’ve explained it pretty comprehensively

Well no, not at all actually.

Your posts are identical on these threads,

If by that you mean I don't have double standards and hold everyone to the same standard, then yep, absolutely.

Sagradafamiliar · 27/01/2020 22:16

No, hear, your posting consists mainly of defending men and putting down women where you possibly can, it's your only agenda.

Whatisthisfuckery · 27/01/2020 22:22

This reply has been deleted

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PanicAndRun · 27/01/2020 22:32

If by that you mean I don't have double standards and hold everyone to the same standard, then yep, absolutely.

Except that you always defend the man. Always. He's a victim in most of your scenarios and needs defending.Funny how you never give the same courtesy to women.
Funny how you only show up to find excuses, make up ridiculous analogies and derail nearly every thread with whataboutery, NAMALT and "not my Nigel".

And if you really can't tell what you can consent to and what you can't, how situations and circumstances differ,levels of drunkness etc maybe you shouldn't go out and drink.

Sagradafamiliar · 27/01/2020 22:34

Yes, the hooves do make a certain sound. I've been thinking it for a while.

BingoLittlesUncle · 27/01/2020 22:50

IMHO he is a prat and deserves no sympathy. This is not because he went to a strip club. Nor is it because he (somehow) parted with an eye-watering amount of money, rather it's because he hadn't got the sense to keep his mouth shut about it! Pillock!

Iamthewombat · 27/01/2020 23:01

IMHO he is a prat and deserves no sympathy.

it's because he hadn't got the sense to keep his mouth shut about it! Pillock!

Who wants to go first?

BigChocFrenzy · 28/01/2020 00:41

Pubs shouldn't sell to drunks, but they do and the law very rarely punishes this

When strip clubs do so, it is much worse because the money is likely to be orders of magnitude higher
Therefore imo, strip clubs should be more closely monitored than pubs wrt buying alcohol.

However, I have different standards for drinkers being able to consent to spending money than I do for drinkers being able to consent to sex

Regardless of the sex of the person
Consenting to sex should require a much higher level of sobriety and free will

If another man had put his penis into the OP's colleague, then that colleague would have had to be sufficiently sober to agree and to agree wholeheartedly

Otherwise, that would be rape
Same as for a woman

BigChocFrenzy · 28/01/2020 00:43

Whereas if the CCTV shows that a drinker appears reasonably sober and keeps inputting their PIN,
whether in a strip club or a gambling club,
that money is lost

BigChocFrenzy · 28/01/2020 00:46

I would probably feel mild sympathy for the colleague, unless he is generally unpleasant
Even then, I wouldn't gloat over his misfortune of losing / wasting a lot of money

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 28/01/2020 01:11

I have my doubts about the supposed double standards on MN, as there was a thread about a tipsy woman (with possible other issues that would make her easily persuaded) being possibly scammed out of thousands, less than a month ago.

The consensus was that she had capacity to do throw her money away there, too.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3782041-Felt-so-sad-for-lady-supermarket-with-her-latest-African-money-transfer?pg=1&order=

Mimishimi · 28/01/2020 06:39

Hahah!!!

siring1 · 28/01/2020 06:42

Where are the posts openly laughing and gloating at her?

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 28/01/2020 06:44

No, hear, your posting consists mainly of defending men and putting down women where you possibly can, it's your only agenda.

Really? You've read all of my posts then gave you?

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 28/01/2020 06:45

And if you really can't tell what you can consent to and what you can't, how situations and circumstances differ,levels of drunkness etc maybe you shouldn't go out and drink.

Just as well that I don't drink then isn't it?

Sux2buthen · 28/01/2020 06:47

So a guy is so hammered he behaves a way he wouldn't if he was sober and that's his fault...and 'hilarious'
"Is that a defence in law?"
But if a woman gets hammered and behaves in a way she wouldn't of sober that means she can't give informed consent. I see.
I agree with the second obviously but the same should apply for the man.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 28/01/2020 06:52

Yes, the hooves do make a certain sound. I've been thinking it for a while.

Well, if you've read all of my posts, which obviously you must have done seeing as you feel qualified to make such sweeping statements about my posting history, then you would have seen the discussion about my username, including another poster recognising it because we both share a rare syndrome. Zebras were adopted by the ehlers danlos and HMSA to represent the difficulty that patients have in getting the correct diagnosis ie drs should consider rarer illnesses (zebras) rather than just the most obvious when they see symptoms (hooves).

Iamthewombat · 28/01/2020 07:00

I have my doubts about the supposed double standards on MN, as there was a thread about a tipsy woman (with possible other issues that would make her easily persuaded) being possibly scammed out of thousands, less than a month ago.

The consensus was that she had capacity to do throw her money away there, too.

I get what you are saying (although the supermarket making the money transfer should have refused since she was drunk and thus not in full command of her decision making) but as a PP notes, I didn’t see any posts on that thread making spiteful remarks about the woman’s appearance, expressing glee at her having (possibly) been scammed or saying, “she deserved everything she got, hahahahaha!”

PurBal · 28/01/2020 07:02

Hahahahahahaha.

This happened to a friend of DH, though it was £3000, and he had to cancel his family holiday as a result. His wife was pissed.

Nope, no sympathy.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 28/01/2020 07:04

No a guy has gone into a strip club paid women to gratify his needs and also drunk too much which may have impaired his judgement but this is what he went there to do

He didn’t go there to have drink and catch up with his friends he went because he can pay women to gratify him and oh no poor man couldn’t control himself and just had to have more and more personal dances the girls must have really liked him Hmm

Don’t believe anyone who says oh we only wanted a drink it’s bollocks men go to these places for the women

He wanted to pay women to gratify his needs and so he did

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 28/01/2020 07:04

I've just read that linked thread and I can't see anyone on there laughing at the woman and revelling in the fact that she might have lost thousands of pounds.

Posters are sympathising about the fact that she is potentially losing that money. The fact that the staff tried to intervene several times to stop her from doing it makes it different to this thread anyway.

Eckhart · 28/01/2020 07:17

I think things are being compared here which aren't comparable. There aren't any tacit agreements regarding consent for sex. If you walk into a strip joint, or any other business establishment, there is already a tacit agreement that you are there to purchase and use whatever they are selling. Unless you actually appear to be roundly drunk (many don't even when they are), there is no issue at all with paying for and receiving the product. And we don't know how drunk he seemed to be, do we.

Pumperthepumper · 28/01/2020 07:20

I agree with the second obviously but the same should apply for the man.

It does. If he was raped while drunk then the same applies. You’re once again comparing him spending his own money to being sexually assaulted - actually what you’re saying is a man spending too much money is the equivalent of a woman being sexually assaulted. Have a word with yourself.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 28/01/2020 07:25

actually what you’re saying is a man spending too much money is the equivalent of a woman being sexually assaulted

But people aren't saying that.

I'm saying that people, when drunk, are more vulnerable than they would be sober, in some situations and are not so able to protect themselves. Laws exist to try to stop others from taking advantage of them in those situations and those laws should be used.

That's not the same as saying being scammed is the same as being raped, at all.

Whatisthisfuckery · 28/01/2020 07:38

Hooves, I keep saying it but you keep ignoring it, there is CCTV, and an electronic record of his spending. It’s all there if he thinks he has a case, and if he does he should take it further. Would you like to address that point?