To think it is weird that I don't get invited anywhere with my OH

[ByeFeliciaa]

My OH has a brother who is about to turn 30, they've arranged a meal for him. I've had to rearrange my work shifts so that OH can go.
He doesn't think it's weird that I haven't been invited? I've been in his brothers life for over 4 years now.
Maybe I'm just a bit put out that I'm losing a days wage so facilitate him being able to and having to sit at home with my children!
Similarly he was invited to a night out but couldn't go because I was working, I wasn't invited.
We spent NYE apart as he was invited out and I wasn't.

I KNOW we have a life apart but it would be nice to get dolled up and go out and have fun TOGETHER, both free of "mum and dad" duties but maybe aibu?

OP I really feel you are focusing on the wrong thing here. Can you even afford this meal out anyway if you have large debts?

Your oh left work because your children weren't sleeping well meanwhile, the rest of us all still head out to work exhausted, because that's life as a parent. You then took on a part time job while he stays at home. Mon - Fri you are both home during the day. This is all very unusual. Personally I would be much more concerned with this situation than party invites/meals out in restaurants

Sorry, but I don't believe for a minute that he cannot get a job, if he actually wanted a job then he would get one.

@ByeFeliciaa. Hope you will go now and have a nice time!

Just reading about the childen's sleeping issues, which must be so hard and detrimental to your family lives.
I can highly recommend this book, which transformed my daughter's sleeping habits, "Teach Your Child To Sleep":
www.amazon.co.uk/Teach-Your-Child-Sleep-Childhood/dp/060063406X/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?s=books&keywords=Milfield+sleep+clinic&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1580125965&sr=1-1-fkmr0

I also wondered if they were waking up from being hungry..? Anyways, it's a whole different issue to this thread I know. But good luck with it all!

@MrsStrangerThing he had a job interview about 2 weeks ago for a 42 hour job. It was working in a warehouse.
He got rejected for not having a fork lift license. I am in a dead end job with my shifts been cancelled at a moments notice, it's not easy just to wander into another job!
When did I say I was at home Monday to Friday?

His oldest brother is paying for my OHs meal. He offered to.

I've already demonstrated how badly my children were awake in the night, it wasn't as if it was an hour every night. It was both of them at various hours every single night for months on end. It drove me to desperate lengths which I wont be detailing on here but it wasn't as if he quit his job after 1 night!

How can it be the OH stopping it though if all invitations go through Op?

OP, you said you work evenings and weekends, that is what I was responding to? That is great they are paying for your OHs meal and probably explains why they didn't invite you also? Sounds like you have got to the root of it there.

He needs to apply for jobs that he experienced/qualified for.

OP has he contacted an agency?
I mean, my BIL with a criminal record and driving ban still manages to get consistent warehouse work.

You said you work evenings and weekends so that doesn't stop him getting work around your shifts.

It's weird to expect an invitation now that you've admitted someone else is paying for his meal.
You're basically asking for someone else to buy your dinner.

Ah, the fact that they’re paying for his meal does put a different slant on it tbh, and is a bit of a drip-feed as well.

So you’re in debt, and the only way that his brothers would get to see him is to pay for his meal because actually, as a couple you can’t afford to go out. That is a vastly different situation from everyone being invited and you always being deliberately excluded. The other brothers and partners are all paying for their own meals, but they’re having to subsidise your DP, tbh it’s not fair to expect them to subsidise you both, and as DP is their family it stands to reason that it would be him.

Yea To be honest I think it's a bit different as well now.
Neither of you are adulting very well. My husband is a bar manager. So longer and much more unpredictable shifts than you. I worked part time when our eldest two were babies and now have a full time job.

And they were horrific sleepers.
If they're looking from the outside in and seeing an absolute car crash they may not want to get involved. But still want their family member at the special times. So bite the bullet and pay his way.

Sorry I was replying to somebody else who said DP can get a job in the evening. I work evenings, as well as weekends and during the week.
For example I done 8-11am today. Tomorrow I am 5-10.30pm. Off Wednesday. Thursday I am 12-7. Friday I am 8-3. My shifts are always different.
He has contacted agencies but they need him to be available during the week and for more than 1 day. I don't know my shifts for next week either, I only know to Sunday.
No if I was going to the meal I'd pay for us both. DP probably doesnt want to ask me for money for his meal.
I get paid on Friday so it would of been affordable. It's quite a cheap place they are going to. It's only the eldest brother that has offered, none of the others know he has offered

Ah OP you are having a shit life at the moment but kids sleeping patterns do settle down eventually. While you're in the midst of them not sleeping it can be very draining, so I get where you're coming from.

To echo others on here, its not you its them. Leave them all to it. And yes cut right down on the communication with SIL. She's not a friend.

Didn't you say you're in debt?

Oh yes I'm ever so sorry for not handling this very well. 3 children at the age of 25, 2 sections 18 months apart. Shit sleepers and the worst depression I've ever experienced in my life, leading me to wake up every day wishing I hadn't. I'm so fucking sorry for not adulting the right way

(Awaits the comments such as "well contraception is a thing yeno")

Yes, debt takes a while to pay back. Doesn't mean I couldn't afford £30 for some food?

Exactly. You're an adult. You work part time but have three children. Stop the pity party.

I can't believe you're working part time, he's not working, you're struggling for money and you're still making excuses.

At least one of you needs a full time job. If your hours mean he can't work around you, find a job where he can.

I know this wasn't the point of your post but the point is if you can't afford to go for a family meal you shouldn't go. If you can afford it he shouldn't have to ASK for money. He should have access to it.

The point is WE ARE FUCKING TRYING!!!
Jesus how much more can I spell it out? I already have a thread on here about my work hours, many people have agreed how shit it is. I nag them weekly about more hours but it's just not happening.
If he got a full time job which meant I'd have to leave my one, then I would! Because I know we need the money.
But it's not just as simple as walking into another job ffs

No you're really not.
You can shout that as much as you like. You can convince yourself but you've made absolutely appalling decisions in the past and you're not doing anything to fix it.

What company do you work for?
Independent? M&B? weatherspoons? Stonegate?

I'm supposed to do a 1-9 on Saturday but due to OH going to this meal I can't and then on Sunday I'm 8-4.
I don't have very long shifts but that is not my fault. I'm trying, I even applied to Nandos which is similar to the work I do now and got a rejection email.

@ByeFeliciaa you said he couldn't get agency work because of your hours. He needs to make himself available all week and you need to work around him/get help with childcare.

If you're struggling for money you also shouldn't be cancelling shifts so he can go for a meal. Especially when you wanted to go to. Who'd have the kids then? They can have them while you're at work.

I'm not saying what company, due to already having a thread about it.
Somebody had already pointed out to me that because my contract says "hours change depending on business needs" that they can get away with cancelling my shifts and sending me home early due to not being needed.
What else am I supposed to do? I've been to a work club who helped me sort out my CV, my reference is my current manager. All my details and experience is up to date. I've got the Indeed app and apply for whatever is suitable.
I go on gumtree, check my local Facebook page etc.
I have many messages from my manager of me asking for more hours, him saying yeah next week and then it doesn't transpire or he just says we cant give you more just now.

The company is important because nearly ever he one I know prides themselves on creating managers from in house. If you work for a chain have you asked about management training?

We can't afford childcare 🤦‍♀️ my mum would have them but she can no longer do it now

You'd be much more likely to be able to afford childcare if necessary if you were both working.
If you were working round each other and your shifts rarely collided you wouldn't have to pay for childcare often.

In 6 months the youngest will also get 15 hours free childcare a week.

No I'm not sure what that is? If that's to step up to be a manager I don't think they'll want to take that idea on. There is already 4 managers 🤦‍♀️ the place is a joke, there is 15 members of front of house staff. About 11 of them get 1 shift a week. I'm one of the "lucky" ones who get more than that