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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you knew when to push?

122 replies

BlackBlueBell · 26/01/2020 15:28

Did you know when you needed to push in labour? I ask because I’m kind of scared about not knowing again next time.

I guess I got the feeling but I never knew I needed to push because I didn’t know what that feeling was until the midwife came and told me I was fully dilated. Thinking back now I had that feeling to push for at least 30 minutes before the midwife came and told me, I was just writhing in agony, I remember she told my dp it could be another few hours before I gave birth, hearing that I just thought I can’t take this pain for another few hours so I gave up and begged for the epidural which I absolutely did not want, I wanted a water birth. The midwife went and set things in place for me to be moved to the ward to get an epidural, they came with a chair to move me and then she decided to check me, she seemed a bit shocked I had dilated so fast but thankfully I was able to have my water birth. My labour was 18 hours but I only spent 6 of that in hospital and I went from 6cm to 10 in about an hour so I appreciate she wasn’t expecting it but I’m quite scared I’ll forget the feeling to push by my next birth and I’ll be left waiting for no reason again, or what if I birth unexpectedly and have to guide myself. Thankfully there were no complications but this is another thing that worries me as I know you’re only supposed to be in the pushing stage for so long. Overall I’m really happy with my birth but it’s just this part that’s really bothering me.

OP posts:

Heygirlheyboy · 26/01/2020 15:29

Yes I knew but they got me to do so before that point because of meconium. If you have an epidural I don't know. Ideally no coached pushing best.

Twickerhun · 26/01/2020 15:30

Yes both times I said I want to push now... but I didn’t actually start pushing until a while later as I was scared to start!

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 26/01/2020 15:31

First and thirds not really but I used gas and air.

With my second I had no pain relief at all and could really feel the overwhelming urge. It was like a poo coming, I literally had no choice.

2020cominatcha · 26/01/2020 15:31

OP I didn’t have it with my first, but with my second it was unmistakable.

I think you need more support with DC2, not having people talking to or about you but instead someone supporting you so you can go inwards and focus on your body and on giving birth. That made an enormous difference to me.

Heygirlheyboy · 26/01/2020 15:32

In a way going with it by deep breathing and relaxing instead of forcefully pushing is what I'd describe it as. That's what I had second time with no mec.

2020cominatcha · 26/01/2020 15:33

I know you’re only supposed to be in the pushing stage for so long

My first was almost 2 hours, obviously far from ideal for me but not something you need to be worrying about!

Minai · 26/01/2020 15:34

With ds1 I had an epidural so couldn’t feel a thing. The midwife examined me, found I was 10cm dilated and told me when to push. 2 hours of pushing amounted to nothing and he was born by forceps.

With ds2 I had an immense feeling of pressure and it wasn’t so much a logical decision to push it was more like he was pushing himself out/my body was expelling him. I didn’t have much control over it. He was born in a couple of pushes. Very different experiences!

DramaAlpaca · 26/01/2020 15:35

I didn't feel the urge to push with DC1 because I'd had an epidural and couldn't feel a thing. I did with my two subsequent natural births. My body took over and there was nothing I could do about it, those babies were coming out whether I wanted it or not! DC2 took 20 minutes to push out and DC3 about 5.

I wonder if a birth debrief might help you, if you want to understand more about what happened during your delivery.

eddiemairswife · 26/01/2020 15:35

I've had 4, the last 2 at home with no need for pain relief, and never felt the urge to push.

Ohnoherewego62 · 26/01/2020 15:37

Can I ask how long ago you gave birth?

I was quite reflective on my experience for a little while just after baby was born.

Yes, I knew when to push but she wouldny come out so they cut me to get her out. It's a really odd feeling.

BabbleBee · 26/01/2020 15:37

First time, no but I had a back to back baby, epidural and ventouse.

Second time I was really annoyed because I could hear the lady next door pushing and I was jealous that her Labour was nearly over. Next push I realised the noise was coming from me, no one else and then I had a baby in my arms

Third time, home birth, again I didn’t know I needed to push I just was pushing before I realised.

Fourth time I knew I was fully dilated (had felt awful for a while then that eased away and I felt more awake so I knew I’d been through transition) and was ready for the urge to push. I was so in control I delivered my own baby, the midwife never touched her. Lovely.

Original poster

BlackBlueBell · 26/01/2020 15:44

@Ohnoherewego62 it was 6 months ago, up until now it wasn’t really bothering me but now thinking about having more children it is.

OP posts:

Reginabambina · 26/01/2020 15:47

The first time I had an epidural and felt the urge to push so told them and they said I was ok to do so. The second time my body just pushed by itself. I didn’t really do anything on purpose that entire labour. It was quite surreal actually.

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 26/01/2020 15:48

Yes it was an overwhelming urge. I couldn’t have ignored it if I’d wanted to!

Blacksackunderthetreesfreeze · 26/01/2020 15:51

I did both times. Irresistible urge like needing a poo as a pp has said.

Both times induced, both times gas and air as painkiller.

SlipperyLizard · 26/01/2020 15:51

Nope, I didn’t feel an urge to push and really didn’t want to push as it hurt so much! Had 2 reasonably fast labours, though (second only 2 hours from first twinge) so clearly my body did what it had to despite my brain!

DefConOne · 26/01/2020 15:55

First time I had an epidural so no urge to push. Had to be coached by MW and it took an hour. Second time gas and air. Still no urge to push what so ever. Urge to clamp my legs together and pretend it wasn’t happening. Took 70 minutes and a burst blood vessel in my eye as I was determined not to have an instrumental delivery. I don’t know what an urge to push feels likez

Helpwithdilemma101 · 26/01/2020 15:56

This was exactly like mine! I cant say I pushed, more like my body just expelled the baby. It was amazing and shocking all at the same time.

Slazengerbag · 26/01/2020 15:59

With my first I didn’t know I was in pain obviously but I just kept thinking I needed to poo. The midwife had to tell me when to push.
2nd - I had an epidural but I felt the pressure - it was pain free but my body started to do it automatically. To the point where the midwife said no, opened my legs and a head was emerging.
3rd- with each contraction the urge to push was overwhelming. I was only 8cm but the midwife just told me to do whatever my body wanted to do (30 minute labour).

userabcname · 26/01/2020 15:59

Nope, no urge to do so whatsoever. It was exhausting. I pushed for 3 and a half hours. Ended up in surgery with severe tearing. I sometimes wonder if it's because I was told to push before I was ready but I guess I'll never know.

Silvercatowner · 26/01/2020 16:00

I cant say I pushed, more like my body just expelled the baby. It was amazing and shocking all at the same time.

This was also my experience - but I hadn't had any pain relief at all. When I started pushing, the overwhelming contraction pain disappeared. I couldn't've not pushed - it wasn't anything I had any control over. My body just took over.

GEEpEe · 26/01/2020 16:03

From my understanding of birth, you have something called a Ferguson's reflex which is unfortunately a bit like shitting. Once you get to a certain point, your body does the rest. I saw this in my wife. Nobody had to tell her when to push our second daughter out because her whole body just bore down. First daughter she had an epidural so she didn't feel it as much but did feel like.she needed to do a massive poo as she politely put it.

Foreverblowingbubbles1 · 26/01/2020 16:03

With my first, contractions wouldn't regulate, was in labour 31 hours, was only 19, had quite a lot of pain relief injections, ended up dosing off and woke up feeling like I had to poo - pushed for 20 mins and she was born, with my second I had a huge overwhelming feeling, my body began to push itself, I ended up delivering him at 8cm dilated, I couldn't stop my body, took about 1, maybe 2 pushes at best

Tessaraqt · 26/01/2020 16:05

My body pushed by itself for all my 3DC, it wasn't anything I was consciously doing at all. Midwife had examined me and told me I was only 3cm but needed to be kept in because my waters had been broken 36 hours, and walked off, leaving me in the triage bed. Within ten mins I was in agony and said to my sister "I'm pushing the baby out, I can feel it" and she ran and got midwives and it turned out I WAS in the middle of pushing a baby out (in the middle of triage 😂). Same with the other two too, my body just started bearing down and was pushing on it's own.

20viona · 26/01/2020 16:08

I only had gas and air and I really felt the urge to push. It was weird though because I remember slightly holding back or feeling like I was and I don't know why. I had an episiotomy and had gone from 3cm-10cm in a hour and a half. Once they broke my waters at 3cm I was never checked again I just knew when to push.

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