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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you knew when to push?

122 replies

BlackBlueBell · 26/01/2020 15:28

Did you know when you needed to push in labour? I ask because I’m kind of scared about not knowing again next time.

I guess I got the feeling but I never knew I needed to push because I didn’t know what that feeling was until the midwife came and told me I was fully dilated. Thinking back now I had that feeling to push for at least 30 minutes before the midwife came and told me, I was just writhing in agony, I remember she told my dp it could be another few hours before I gave birth, hearing that I just thought I can’t take this pain for another few hours so I gave up and begged for the epidural which I absolutely did not want, I wanted a water birth. The midwife went and set things in place for me to be moved to the ward to get an epidural, they came with a chair to move me and then she decided to check me, she seemed a bit shocked I had dilated so fast but thankfully I was able to have my water birth. My labour was 18 hours but I only spent 6 of that in hospital and I went from 6cm to 10 in about an hour so I appreciate she wasn’t expecting it but I’m quite scared I’ll forget the feeling to push by my next birth and I’ll be left waiting for no reason again, or what if I birth unexpectedly and have to guide myself. Thankfully there were no complications but this is another thing that worries me as I know you’re only supposed to be in the pushing stage for so long. Overall I’m really happy with my birth but it’s just this part that’s really bothering me.

OP posts:

Skysblue · 26/01/2020 21:38

No. I was waiting for someone to tell me when I was fully dilated and to start pushing but nobody did despite lots of checks. It wasn’t until they started muttering about my labour ‘failing to progress’ that I asked if it was ok to push and they stared at me and said of course.

Silverservice1011 · 26/01/2020 21:41

Yes they never checked me really with all 4. I ended up telling them that I was now going to start pushing and I remember saying in 20 minutes the baby will be here! And 2 hours before I could predict it would only be 2 hours.... I am very in tune with my body though. They never believed me. I was right every time . They had to practically catch each baby by running across the room. You would think by number 4 they would listen to you. But they really don't. I had 4 born in 3 different places so I can't say it was just one particular hospital

Foofedifiknow · 26/01/2020 21:47

Same- I said right that’s over it’s pushing time and Midwife panicked saying I wasn’t dilated enough , rechecked and saw that I was ready.

DodgeRainClouds · 26/01/2020 21:50

With my 1st child yes I felt such an urge to push nothing could have stopped me. But with my second child it wasn’t as strong...I think it was because they were back to back

GSD20 · 26/01/2020 21:52

I don’t think I pushed at all. It was more like when your going to vomit and can’t stop it

neverhadanymarblestolose · 26/01/2020 21:53

Yes in all 3 labours I suddenly had a very overwhelming feeling that I needed to push.

But all of my labours have been around 3 hours start to finish, and only had gas and air each time (not a brag - I begged for pain relief and was told I was labouring too quickly to have anything ).
So I wasn't tired or exhausted and had no medication to dull any sensations, so I think that's why I could tell my body needed to push.

Poing · 26/01/2020 21:55

No. In retrospect, that feeling was one I would have liked to experience. My labour was 4 hours long. Got to the hospital after 3 hours because contractions were 2 mins apart and getting closer. Begged for pain relief because I thought I would have another day of labour and I was already overwhelmed with pain. The midwife said no way, you need to push, which I had no feeling about whatsoever.

Marleyj8 · 26/01/2020 22:00

Yes definitely had the urge, the pressure was immense it was like automatic to push

whoopstheregomyinsides · 26/01/2020 22:04

First baby I was in a pool and was bracing myself against the sides and nearing down which in hindsight was pushing as I was checked, heartrate was down and I was told to get out- to be told I was crowning. 15 minutes later he was out

Second was an induction and so fast as they didn’t believe I was in labour and gave me another pessary. I told them I was pushing and was told not to but had no choice. Then I actually did a poo, cried a bit then out he came.

thrree · 26/01/2020 22:13

Yes, my body took over.

BreatheAndFocus · 26/01/2020 22:16

Like others, my body just pushed by itself - and that feeling was amazingly powerful. It was an automatic thing and unmistakable when it happened. It was like a huge wave passing through my tummy.

I don’t think you should worry. You can always ask the midwife to check you if you start to feel the urge to push. It’s not anything to worry about.

IcingandSlicing · 26/01/2020 22:29

I knew the second time, the first time everything was wrong, they asked me to push before I felt the need to and completely didn't know what to expect.
The second time was more natural, luckily much faster too, and I felt the need to push - it's hard to resist it actually. I pushed 5-6 times and that was it.
Good luck, keep an open mind and trust the midwives.

Tunnocks34 · 26/01/2020 22:31

Gas and air only with all three of mine and I had no Choice - my body just started to push

ShivD · 26/01/2020 22:34

Yes for me too x4, it’s been like a reflex so not something I could stop without really having to try to fight against it.

I hate that bit of labour and find it totally overwhelming!

Hidingtonothing · 26/01/2020 22:44

I struggle to remember DD's delivery (think I've blocked it out tbh) but this thread has actually been a bit of a lightbulb moment for me. I got to hospital about 3 hours before DD was born and was checked when I arrived, I was 4cm. Midwife suggested a bath, ran it for me and then left me to get myself sorted and in, except within minutes of her leaving I was in so much pain I couldn't move, couldn't even get undressed.

By the time she came back over an hour later I was a complete state, so hot I couldn't bear clothes on my skin but couldn't move to take them off, DH kept trying to help me find a position I was comfortable in but I couldn't even speak to him, it was like I went somewhere else. By the time the MW checked me again DD was in distress and they had to rush me to delivery, it ended with forceps, a third degree tear and an episiotomy, all on 2 paracetamol taken before I left home.

I found out afterwards (from DH mentioning she came out face up) that DD was back to back and had always put how awful that period was between MW leaving and coming back down to that but now I'm thinking did I just dilate those last 6cm really quickly and I just needed to push? I still feel traumatised tbh and DD is 11! She's also an only child because I just couldn't face doing it again.

Thinking back I think I may have been fighting my body's natural urge to push and that's why it felt so unbearable. I was expecting a break between contractions and it just didn't feel like there were any breaks, just continuous pain and this awful feeling which I now think was my body trying to tell me to push. My care was horrendous overall though and my MW was the most uncaring, disinterested HCP I've ever encountered, I would hope that yours will be better OP and will help you recognise and respond to your body's signals.

Bluerussian · 27/01/2020 04:02

It's strange how some say they don't remember some of their labour, I remember every bit.

It was a good experience overall but i did not have any drugs at all.

tiedy · 27/01/2020 04:05

Yes with DS2. I hadn't had any pain relief. Suddenly I found my contractions were no longer painful and I felt like I needed to push!
I didn't know what was going on when I had DS1 with an epidural.

Yeahnah2020 · 27/01/2020 05:13

No I never felt the need to push with any of my three pregnancies. My body doesn’t labour well though. Lots of different complications with each birth, from over contracting to not enough, to baby in distress etc.

MiniGuinness · 27/01/2020 05:20

I had a 45 minute labour and my body pushed the baby out without me consciously pushing. As a PP said, I could not have stopped it. The midwife who had examined me less than 15 minutes before said I was not fully dilated, then she saw the head.

Thoughtlessinengland · 27/01/2020 05:30

Yes. I gave birth on Wednesday. I just knew. I got on my hands and knees and bellowed “I need to push”. And it got to an overhwemong urge - like a poo coming but that it was fecking painful and burnt me (that was the second degree tear) as it came out. Literally no choice. It was like a mountain poo coming.

stellabelle · 27/01/2020 05:36

Yes, I had an overwhelming urge both times. If someone had held a gun to my head and said " I'll kill you if you push" I'd have told them to kill me then, because there is no way I can stop pushing. It was a great feeling - like Nature telling me what to do.

Changeembrace · 27/01/2020 05:41

Very quick
No urge to push whatsoever

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