Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 ··· 22 23

Original poster

To never tell them their birth order?

566 replies

sunshinepoppy · 26/01/2020 15:20

I have twin boys who were born by c-section. Over the years I have seen interviews with adult twins where they set great store by their birth order. E.g saying one should know better because they are elder by 5 mins. This type of dynamic seems odd and unhelpful.

For this reason we have decided not to tell the boys their birth order. I am now starting to doubt this decision because I am not sure it is my right to keep the information from them.

They are only 6 months old so we have not told them anything yet.
I would appreciate seeing people’s opinions about this. Especially opinion from someone who has a twin.

OP posts:

cuckooken · 26/01/2020 17:40

In a C section the cut is made very low down in the uterus; whichever twin is presenting first will be lifted out first.

Yes but they might take it out for untangling then pop it back in and deliver the second twin first

TheFuzzyStar · 26/01/2020 17:41

Sorry haven’t read past the first page but I’m pretty sure birth certificates don’t give time of birth just the date

itsgettingweird · 26/01/2020 17:42

Willow my sister is exactly the same and she's 3 years younger. She doesn't doesn't use the older than me. Growing up she was always bigger than me from when I was 9 and she was 6. She used that.
I also still tail off now.

I honestly think if someone is gonna be an arse they are going to find some reason to justify it. Birth order in twins is just a convenient one!

Ffsnosexallowed · 26/01/2020 17:43

My big brother is 5 mins older than me. Yabu

Limensoda · 26/01/2020 17:44

It's not even worth thinking about. They are the same age. Minutes make no difference.
If you are pondering on this so soon after their birth, God knows what you will worry about next.

BlackCatSleeping · 26/01/2020 17:45

In a C section the cut is made very low down in the uterus; whichever twin is presenting first will be lifted out first.

I assumed it was because the baby that engages to be born first is usually at the back, so they would take the other baby out first as it's at the front, but obviously depends on other factors. I have no idea though. My doctor does deliver a lot of twins though, so I assume he would know.

Tee22 · 26/01/2020 17:45

Sorry, but I think it's a bit strange not to tell them or anyone for that matter. I just asked my now 19 year old identical twin boys and they literally laughed out loud at this. They have never felt that the 8 minute difference had any impact on them whatsoever and have never felt that the 'older' one should know better. I actually really enjoy telling my birth story to those that are interested, as it's quite unusual. Honestly, have no idea at all what the benefit of not telling them is. And for the twins that have issues with the 'older' twin being more dominant etc I think that is purely a character/personality issue and would happen in any set of regular siblings.

stickerqueen · 26/01/2020 17:45

my husbands a twin and on his birth cert it has the time he was born.

Yeahnah2020 · 26/01/2020 17:46

Wow. Truly a first world problem that isn’t even a problem. Unbelievable.

Original poster

sunshinepoppy · 26/01/2020 17:46

It is interesting how for some twins it was not an issue but for others it had a big impact. I guess it was dependant on how the adults around them used the information. My in laws would never stop commenting about it if they knew.

OP posts:

lyralalala · 26/01/2020 17:46

Sorry haven’t read past the first page but I’m pretty sure birth certificates don’t give time of birth just the date

If you had you’d have learned that’s not the case in twin births, or in all births in Scotland

Knottatall · 26/01/2020 17:47

I've got twins girls born a minute apart, if they asked me the birth order I'd tell them. You're way over thinking this. It's really bit big deal. If anyone is stupid enough to make it an issue by saying 'you're a minute, five minutes etc older and should know better' then they really can't have anything important in their life to worry about 😂

twoheaped · 26/01/2020 17:47

@TheFuzzyStar honestly, twin birth certificates have the time.
I am in my 50's, Welsh BC and it's on mine. Dh, similar age, English BC has time on.

We're not lying

lljkk · 26/01/2020 17:47

My dad is an ID twin.
He enjoys referring to himself as the afterbirth.
Is very close to his bossy big brother.
Don't think I'm taking thread very seriously (or that my dad would).
Even after reading thread I'm still not sure what the undesirable stereotypes are supposed to be about birth order.

Dad & his twin had similar careers, a long list of similar interests & hobbies, wives with similar interests, the same number of children & still do things like order the same meal in restaurants (having entered the establishment 2 hours apart). They think all that is wonderful.

lyralalala · 26/01/2020 17:48

If that’s the case then your in-laws are likely to find something else to comment on - the tallest, the smartest, the skinniest, the tidiest

You have an in law problem. Not a twin problem

TheFuzzyStar · 26/01/2020 17:50

@twoheaped as I said, I hadn’t read the thread past the first page. I wasn’t accusing anyone of lying

BedraggledBlitz · 26/01/2020 17:50

I get what you mean but I'd not make this a big mystery. So what if one is a few minutes older than the other. Their life is going to be a series of comparisons, who walked first, who got the best grades, etc. The important thing is to teach them not to be gloaters or feel inferior.

sonjadog · 26/01/2020 17:51

I think in your case, I wouldn't tell them because of your in Laws rather than for any other reason.

These twins who have experienced that one actually behaved like they were superior because they were the oldest, maybe if they hadn't been the oldest, they would have decided they were the smartest, or prettiest, or most sporty, or something like that? Maybe it is more a personality type that always has to be the best?

twoheaped · 26/01/2020 17:54

@TheFuzzyStar the should have given it away as a tongue in cheek comment.

Apologies, I forget there are humourless people around

NaviSprite · 26/01/2020 17:54

With my twins (DD and DS) my DH is hoping to teach DD to joke “when I was your age” with DS because she is older by a whole 30 seconds and he thinks it’ll be hilarious () I’ve told him if he does he will probably have to deal with DS’s resentment some day as nobody likes a repetitive crap joke and I’m sure they’ll come up with their own banter or whatever about it.

I will tell mine who was born first and by how long, it seems odd not to. DD might also be interested to know she came into the world arse first too (I’ll gauge when to tell her that bit if I ever do ).

feebeecat · 26/01/2020 17:56

It’s not a twin problem, but an in-law problem then?
The twins will find out, they will (probably) ask and they will be asked by others - it’s usually one of the first questions my now 15yr old dtds are asked. They’ve always known and it is a non-issue.
If anyone ever said anything about knowing better/being the dominant/smarter twin, they’d laugh. They do not care.
Suggest you tackle the in-laws instead.

NaviSprite · 26/01/2020 17:58

Also agree on tackling the IL’s rather than leaving your Dtwins without the information as I’m sure they’ll ask one day

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo · 26/01/2020 18:00

My DD loves telling her DB that she is two minutes older than he is! She's shorter than he is, but rode a bike earlier, she's better at some school stuff and he's better at others, they are two individuals. No-one really cares, it's no big deal.

If (when) they ask, tell them. Or as PPs have said, you're making something really minor into a huge issue!

ilovemyrednosedaymug · 26/01/2020 18:02

YANBU, it really doesn't matter who was born first and if you want it to stay that way, then just don't tell them. Why should other people ask you and if they do, then you don't need to tell them, just say that you don't remember of something.

You can tell them when they are older, but it's not going to impact their life if they don't know for now.

TreesSandSea · 26/01/2020 18:05

I have twin boys. They’re 11 now.
Oldest ( by 4 mins) says tell them as they will always want to know
Younger says it doesn’t matter to him not being the first one born.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 ··· 22 23