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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never tell them their birth order?

566 replies

sunshinepoppy · 26/01/2020 15:20

I have twin boys who were born by c-section. Over the years I have seen interviews with adult twins where they set great store by their birth order. E.g saying one should know better because they are elder by 5 mins. This type of dynamic seems odd and unhelpful.

For this reason we have decided not to tell the boys their birth order. I am now starting to doubt this decision because I am not sure it is my right to keep the information from them.

They are only 6 months old so we have not told them anything yet.
I would appreciate seeing people’s opinions about this. Especially opinion from someone who has a twin.

OP posts:
TroysMammy · 26/01/2020 18:35

Unless one was born at 23.57 and the other 00.02 so born different day, does it really matter? The information will be on their hospital discharge as twin 1 and twin 2 with times of birth. It doesn't specify which was which even though they will have different NHS numbers. It will however be on their hospital bracelets so unless you know which one was first or if one or the other needed special care they won't know but keeping it from them when they are older could cause more problems than if you do tell them when they ask.

Redcrayons · 26/01/2020 18:36

@MinkowskisButterfly they do if you’re a twin or Scottish.

I wasn’t going to tell mine either, I’d read about it in a twins book, how terrible it would be. Then I had them and absolutely everybody asked and I didn’t have a reply which didn’t sound a bit odd so I told them. Mine know, there’s a bit of teasing between them, but that’s just siblings.

And strangely I always call them DT2, DT1. The other way round doesn’t sound right.

Fedupwithmyhouse · 26/01/2020 18:37

Surely by the time they’re looking at birth certificates they’ll be past this stage anyway. I think you’re doing the right thing OP!

PaleBlueMoonlight · 26/01/2020 18:38

Children are hugely interested in this stuff. It is about them knowing their personal story and is part of what builds up their self worth. It would be bizarre not to tell them if they asked.

Bluetrews25 · 26/01/2020 18:38

ANY siblings will have the 'I'm older so I choose' thing!
My twins were born several hours (and three years exactly) apart. Wink

sonjadog · 26/01/2020 18:39

Also, how much are they actually going to be looking at their birth certificates? I have probably looked at it a handful of times in my life.

Minxmumma · 26/01/2020 18:40

I have twins, one of each, soon to be 18. Their times of birth are on their birth certificate so you can't keep it a secret.

As my daughter is the eldest but also now the shortest it gives them great amusement when she at 5 ft 6 refers to her 6ft 2 brother as 'baby bro'

They've always known but it was never a competitive thing more a bit of jest sometimes. Alongside him always complaining he's never had a moments peace from her even in the womb etc etc

fizzandchips · 26/01/2020 18:41

I have twins
If they had been two boys I wouldn’t have told our family who was the ‘eldest’ especially my husbands family. This is because they would have been the first grandsons and the ‘eldest’ would have inherited certain items passed down through the family to the eldest son. As it happens they weren’t two boys, but I would have seriously considered not disclosing it for this reason.

Oysterbabe · 26/01/2020 18:42

You are being absolutely ridiculous.

CustardSlicesOnesNeverEnough · 26/01/2020 18:43

That's batshit

Its a joke. We have twins in our family and there's always jokes like 'respect your elders' ' eldest one should know better' ' you get to stay up later because you're older'
One of the sets of twins are nr 50 and still banter.

rwalker · 26/01/2020 18:44

Just tell them you have already created massive drama round it by the big secret thing .
If you would of just said in the first place it would be a non issue instead of huge drama really struggling to see why it has to be such a big issue.

Frenchw1fe · 26/01/2020 18:45

I have non identical twin nephews. I can never remember who is the older twin and also , to my shame, which one I’m Godmother to.

Amusingly they were visiting when they were about 12 and my dd is the same age. The boys are not a bit alike, one is small and blonde the other tall and dark. We met dd off a guide trip and when introduced to her friends one of them looked at the boys and asked seriously. ‘ ‘Should they look like this. Are you sure they’re twins?’ As if we had lied for 12 years for no reason.

RandomlyChosenName · 26/01/2020 18:47

It makes me feel a bit weird about identical twins being mixed up after birth! I hadn’t really thought about that happening.

It reminds me of the book Beside Myself. Maybe don’t read it if you have twins though...

BlouseAndSkirt · 26/01/2020 18:47

I would tell them, in a low key it doesn't matter, "ummm, well, more or less at the same time because it was a C Section, but I think A came out first" and only when they ask.

And until then tell ILs 'same time, really, it was a C Section, after all'

By the time the kids are old enough to ask, they will hopefully have lost interest.

But any stupid nonsense by ILs I would shut down as much as possible anyway.

"They will spend their whole lives being compared and no kid really wants that, can we just give it a rest within the family, please?"

And variations. Non stop.

Franticbutterfly · 26/01/2020 18:48

I bet it’s a laugh a minute in your house. 😐

Genevieva · 26/01/2020 18:49

"You were born by caesarian, so it isn't a matter of who was born first. You were both lifted out of my tummy by a surgeon. I still have a little scar on my tummy to show where you came out etc."

That way, even if you tell them in which order they were born, they will know it wasn't a queue or a matter of hierarchy.

Recorded birth times are not always exactly right to the minute anyway.

0blio · 26/01/2020 18:51

I have never seen a time on a birth certificate. British birth certificates certainly do not have the time on them.

I know what time I was born because it's on my birth certificate and I'm not a twin. I was born in Britain.

I take it the poster who wrote this isn't in Scotland.

BasilOfBakerStreet · 26/01/2020 18:52

This is so weird

80skid · 26/01/2020 18:53

YABU. I also have twins. You're making it an issue when it really doesn't need to be. It's a fact of their life, just tell them the truth.

ALongHardWinter · 26/01/2020 18:54

I didn't know that birth certificates stated the time of birth on them. Is this something that only happens with multiple births?

Tighnabruaich · 26/01/2020 18:55

I have a British birth certificate. It has the time of birth on it. I was born in Scotland.

chunkychipmonk · 26/01/2020 18:56

My twins are 3 and when we registered the birth we had to give the exact time of birth, as they put it on their birth certificate. Mine have an 18 minute gap. With my singleton it just states the date, no time.

ActualHornist · 26/01/2020 18:56

@sunshinepoppy no, one person in the whole thread has said it was an issue for relatives born in the 1920s.

You’re being mad. It’s a bit like the Barbra Streisand effect:

The Streisand effect is a phenomenon whereby an attempt to hide, remove, or censor a piece of information has the unintended consequence of publicizing the information more widely

Firstawake · 26/01/2020 18:57

Life is a bundle of realities.

Tighnabruaich · 26/01/2020 18:57

ALongHardWinter
See my post above re time of birth on certificates. I have a British birth certificate. It has time of birth on it. I was born in Scotland. All Scottish birth certificates have the time on them.