To think driving and the anxiety I feel will never get easier?

[Gretasmyname]

Posted a thread recently about driving anxiety-newish driver v.
Little experience and not had a car very long.
Been trying to go out little and often
To build up confidence
Main issue is manoeveres
Been going out at quiet times.
Went out today to big supermarket car park. Did a bit of forward bay parking which I did okay. Rushed though, as even though car park empty I felt it was going to get busy any minute!

Drive around a bit but hated it the whole time. Now I've got back all I can do is think if it!!it's all like a whirl and I am trying to replay it all in my head
Nothing comes natural. It's like an ordeal!
Will this stress ever go?

I feel exactly the same. I passed my test mid dec, I'm 40 and have terrible general anxiety, but driving is an ordeal to me!! I wanted to pass so I could take my kids out and for ease of work when my mat leave finishes, but I just do not enjoy it at all!! I keep asking people I know if they felt the same and if I will ever just enjoy driving. Who knows, I'm disappointed in how I feel!!

I passed my test nearly 3 years ago and have only got behind the wheel twice since. I'm terrified of driving

The more you do it the better. Its really just practise. Keep at it

I used to be petrified that I was going to hit someone, was convinced of it. I'm still wary of course and drive in a correctly precautionary manner, but I'I afraid the more you do, the easier it gets.

At least you're considerate. The number of times I see people swinging into parking bays without even looking around them. People mounting kerbs outside school and pedestrians quickly skipping forward to get out of the way. People zooming onto roundabouts without indicating, then suddenly veering off at the third exit, and wondering why the next lane suddenly brakes. People who sit in the middle lane and think they have a justifiable right to "their" space.

With all that, it's lovely that you're actually a considerate driver rather than one of these egotistical fools.

Keepat it. It takes time to feel natural. Good tunes in the car helped me relax.

You need to keep on practising. Your nerves won't improve unless you get out there and do it.

Thank you all. slapmyarse
That was my plan too. I wanted to GO places. Take dc exciting days out. Unless something miraculous happens that's not going to be happening. I'm so mad at myself.
I've never suffered from anxiety but now, oh my god,I know how it feels.
Stomach churning. Almost feel I'm in another zone. I'm driving calmly but internally flustered

I'm even thinking of getting some beta blockers.
This is waaaay worse than I thought.

You just have to keep at it.Try driving at really quiet times and on quiet roads till you get used to the mechanics of driving, then introduce yourself to more and more traffic (that's the harder part).

I used to leave for work at 6 and sit in the car park for an hour till I got used to it!

I got my first car a year after I passed my test, I didn't have to drive to work everyday but needed to buy food etc in the days before the internet.
Every time I had to drive I would feel sick with nerves, couldn't sleep the night before, would have diarrhea in the morning. After a while I noticed I wasn't worrying the night before but was anxious in the morning. Then it was only an hour or so before I got in the car until one day ( about 7 months later) I realised I had got in and started driving without giving it a thought.
This is basically what exposure therapy for anxiety is, I would say don't only go out at quiet times and stop avoiding it or it will never get better.
The only way to get over it is to persevere I'm afraid but is is completely achievable if very stressful. Good luck!

Gindaddy
Thanks
I'm planning everything with military precision
Katharine
I've always got the radio on ,it looks then like I'm singing rather than talking to myself!!

misscain that is exactly what I'm like.
Half of me does think why am I putting myself through this when I don't have to?? I don't need to drive to work but shopping( unless I do online)would be easier.
I've hardly eaten today just because I've had a short local ish drive on a Sunday morning. It's insane.

Do you struggle with anxiety in your day to day life or is this driving specific and new to you?

If it's the latter you might benefit from developing strategies for managing anxiety and rationalising the thoughts keeping your anxiety going.

E.g. You rushed a manoeuvre because you were worried at some future time it would become busy... but it wasn't busy in that moment. You rushed yourself based on the anxiety which then reinforced the anxiety. You need to break that cycle by changing how you react. And then repeating that. AnD repeating it.

Have you heard of exposure therapy ladders for anxiety? You break down something making you anxious into smaller, gradually more challenging steps (e.g. Driving around the block when quiet, driving around the block when busy, driving to the supermarket when quiet...) And then you focus on repeating the first step in the ladder until you feel comfortable, then the next step and repeat, until you get to the top.

There's research that shows anxiety spikes when you put yourself in a situation that frightens you but then if you stay in that situation without self-reinforcing the anxiety it reaches a peak and ebbs away. You just have to be brave enough to let yourself experience that to prove your anxiety is survivable.

Also breathing techniques help - do you know how to breathe properly when anxious? Forcing yourself to adjust your breathing can help if you start to panic (our breathing gets shallow and rapid when we panic). Slow deep breaths where you can feel your abdomen expand.

How to talk to yourself to provide reassurance (e.g. "It is not busy yet, I can take my time. If it gets busy I will deal with that then." )?

Keep a log of your successes!

I used to feel the same and I passed age 26 so had real knowledge of the risks etc ...

I think it takes 2 years to really become a driver. Give yourself time and keep driving.

There are some really useful videos on YouTube about managing driving anxiety, understanding why your brain and body is reacting like it does etc and techniques that may help. For example, i saw a tip that chewing gum can be helpful when anxious that I found works. There are hypnotherapy/meditation driving relaxation videos that may be beneficial.

Ah, ok, anxiety is new to you.

There are resources here on anxiety and panic - both info to help you understand and avoid inadvertently falling into anxiety-reinforcing behaviours, and practical workbooks (including an exposure therapy one under anxiety):

www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself

Sometimes just understanding what's going on in your body and brain to make you feel so anxious can be enough to make it manageable. Sometimes it might take a bit more concerted work, but it's not insurmountable.

Honestly the driving round town IS stressful. It’s not you it’s other people you need to watch...

Maybe take yourself for a drive to up and down a motorway or dual carriageway.. It’s much easier than normal roads but in your head feels more of an achievement than the roundabout at Tesco car park.

I can only say that my experience of driving did get better.

If you think about it logically, you've passed your driving test. So an experienced expert who is paid to determine whether you are fit to drive has confirmed that you are.

I fully appreciate logic and anxiety aren't good fit but I remember trying to keep that thought in my mind after I'd passed my test.

It will become natural with time and experience - to the point where you will be driving without thinking about the mechanics of it all, so will be able to fully focus on the driving and what's around you on the road stuff.

After I passed my test and had got home - the first thing my Dad said, after the congratulations, was 'Okay, now get in the car and go out for a drive!' I did as I was told and made a five-mile circular journey (all left hand turns at junctions - didn't want to risk a right hand turn 😊) on that first solo drive.

It really does get easier for by far and away the greatest majority of people, and there's no reason to assume you won't be one of them. Just be kind to yourself and pace yourself to build up your confidence. And try not to worry about things that might not happen, like the car park getting busy. You don't have to rush manoeuvres just because another vehicle turns up, or might turn up!

OP I'm the same as you but I swear it gets better. I'm 2 years in and my confidence is much better as time goes on. Definitely get some beta blockers, they really help.

I still use the proximity beepers to park though

I'm sorry I didn't pick up on the level of anxiety you experience so hope my reply did not sound glib. What I didn't mention was that I started driving lessons when I was 17 and after way more lessons than the norm I was not a happy or confident driver. So I abandoned the lessons, although my dad would make me drive the car out and about when we went out. I passed my test at 24 after a few refresher lessons. The difference was that I was more ready to drive.

I learned to drive 10 years ago at the age of 43. It was about two years before I felt like I had any right to be on the road and another two before I'd dare go on a motorway. I used to absolutely dread driving and now I quite enjoy it! It will come, it's just a matter of time and experience

I hate driving! I passed my test at 22 and like everyone else has said, the more you do it the easier and less stressful it becomes, until its second nature.

My problem now is that I haven't driven regularly for 10 years (whereas I used to drive a round trip of 35 miles a day to work) and 3 years ago we were hit head on by a boy racer who lost control on a bend. My anxiety levels when just getting in the driving seat are through the roof right now, despite the fact I know that I just need to get used to it again.

Give it time OP, it will get better the more you do it (I also need to take this onboard again!)

This might sound weird but when my husband and I passed our tests ten years ago we used to do commentary drives i.e. tell the other person what we were thinking or looking out for as we drove along. It seemed to give us confidence we knew what we were doing - and then of course stopped after a few months.

And at first I stuck to a couple of routes I knew very well, ie going to work and to the supermarket, and once I was confident with those branched out.

You're doing the right thing driving little and often and it will feel more natural in time. Perhaps try to picture how driving will improve your life? I used to feel sick at the idea of driving by myself at first but then made myself drive to work every day, and after six months realised I enjoyed it. Good luck!

I passed three years ago, it took at least 6 months of driving everyday for the fear to go. I planned everything with military position, Google mapped my journeys etc. Now, I can barely remember not driving it's easy, the roundabouts that filled me with dread, I barely think about.

The best thing I did was get a sat nav, I used it even when I knew the route as the prompts are helpful and it's actually almost company in the car. Driving around town is much more stressful than a longer journey, you are more likely to stop and start, at crossings, traffic lights and junctions that a longer journey on faster roads.

I felt the same way when I passed nearly 10 years ago. Thought I would never get used to it but then needed to drive for work and it forced me to drive more and become slowly more confident. Now drive up and down the M1 most weekends with kids/dogs/cat in car. I found Rescue Remedy gummies helpful

To reiterate the above it's just practice practice. I passed at 37 but didn't feel comfortable until had the use of my own car at 46. I'm still not confident about reverse parking but it's getting better plus I live in a city so my spacial awareness has had to improve, only practice does this. I love driving now. I love to sing, belting out Carole King at the moment. I love the freedom, I love the being able to be spontaneous. It's great. Keep going. First time I did motorway and into a city centre to see a friend I was a gibbering wreak, now I just get on and do it without thinking. Once you realise you are driving without thinking that's when you know you've got it. It will come.