To think driving and the anxiety I feel will never get easier?

[Gretasmyname]

Posted a thread recently about driving anxiety-newish driver v.
Little experience and not had a car very long.
Been trying to go out little and often
To build up confidence
Main issue is manoeveres
Been going out at quiet times.
Went out today to big supermarket car park. Did a bit of forward bay parking which I did okay. Rushed though, as even though car park empty I felt it was going to get busy any minute!

Drive around a bit but hated it the whole time. Now I've got back all I can do is think if it!!it's all like a whirl and I am trying to replay it all in my head
Nothing comes natural. It's like an ordeal!
Will this stress ever go?

I didn't drive for over 10 years after passing my test and was terrified of driving. Finally started having to drive agajn 2 years ago and I would say it's taken me a good year but now I have absolutely no anxiety about driving. I still don't like parking (even though I'm fine when I have to do it) but I just park further away in the car park or whatever to make my life easier. I would still rather walk or use public transport but I don't lie in bed worrying about having to drive the next day anymore and will happily drive if I have to.

The only way to get through this is to keep at it. It is nerve-wracking at first. But keep at it and like exposure therapy, you will be desensitised to it. It will become natural. It will become fun.
I can honestly say that driving is one of my favourite things to do and nothing is more fun than loading up your car with snacks and supplies and heading out on a road trip. Truly. Stick with it.

How big is your driveway, OP?

DS, at 16, used to sit in our driveway and parallel park his car (we bought it early, sold it and bought a different one when he turned 17) between mine and DH's cars. He then moved them all and practised bay parking for a while.

Come driving lesson time, he was so confident with manoeuvres that his instructor was giving him reference points and DS ignored them all simply because he got a feel for where the car was going. And that's the key, I think - getting to know where the car is going: comparing what you see in the mirror to what the car is doing outside. Sometimes, something that doesn't make sense in the mirror will be absolutely spot on outside the car - getting to grips with interpreting mirrors and cues is very important and isn't something that can be done on the road.

To deal with anxiety side of things is just something you'll need get over by telling yourself that you trust yourself. At the very start, I was a bit anxious too. Then I decided to try to turn driving into a positive thing. So every time I drove, I put a massive smile on my face. I looked like a moron, but it helped me so so much (I don't need to do it anymore 😂).

Best of luck, OP. x

Basically, anything that gives you anxiety can be overcome once you do it enough. Whether it's driving, work presentations, exams, bungee jumping - do it enough and it will become mundane.

Just make yourself drive every day. Half an hour, an hour. You will get used to it and it will soon be something you do without any anxiety at all.

When I first started driving 5 years ago, I used to feel physically sick and would shake every time I got in the car or thought about driving. The main thing I would say is just keep practicing and it’ll become much less scary over time. I used to ask my DH to drive everywhere but he really pushed me to keep going and I’m glad he did.

Been there totally, except I passed at 17 and didn't drive for 12 years or so (no access to a car). It's taken a while of driving regularly for work to really feel confident but I'm so pleased I persevered through the shaking legs, feeling (and being) sick and heart palpitations. I also don't particularly like parking but I park where I feel more confident. In our house, the driver chooses, if the passenger doesn't like the choice, then they can take over parking . DH to his credit has been a fantastically patient passenger.

Now, circumstances have changed. DH can't always drive due to ill health but on occasion we have been away and I have had to drive home or drive him to hospital. If I couldn't drive, we would have been absolutely stuck. Where we live there seems to be lots of women who don't drive (fairly low socioeconomic area and learning is expensive) and it makes me appreciate the freedom I do have to just get in the car. I've also now got a job I couldn't have got to without driving. Any job was open to me with a car.

Also, find ways to drive. I used to get baby things on Freecycle and then have to drive to pick them up (DH refused in order to force me to drive). I also joined a couple of clubs that involved driving to them. Regular was key.

Yes, it will get much easier. I used to have actual nightmares about driving, and replay near misses in my head for weeks. Now I just do it without even thinking about it.

I feel like this aboutdriving. Had a license for over 10yrs but have never needed to drive really and couldn’t due to illness for a long time. I now could really do with being confident driving but I worry so much about it and always find ways to avoid it. I’ve told myself I’ll take the car out this week but we’ll see! Maybe we could have a nervous drivers support thread?

I'm.finding millions of ways to not need to drive. And living in a city I don't need to,though some things would be helpful
Big shops. I like online ,but sometimes i want to choose my food or buy big household things from the supermarket.
Taking dc out in school hols or to after school activities.
I have never felt like this about anything else.
I hated learning and dreaded lessons.
My car is small has a sat nav and all mod cons. It's very nice but it's like a dangerous machine to me.
My drive is big enough to park but not practice manoeuvres !

Today when I Got back DP parked it. Major issues parking by house as busy street. So if I park it there I can park on the road only. Thats my limit to what i can attempt. I can easily park on the drive but then too busy and anxiety inducing to reverse off next time!!
Same with reversing on
I've never attempted it.
I know people are mostly patient but there is no way I can tackle a manoevere that I'm already not confident with,with an audience

I can't go put with DP as one comment(he would probably know better) would finish me off.
I find it humiliating as I feel like one of those idiot drivers.

Today I drove for a bit with the handbrake on.
12 hrs later im still thinking about a stupid little drive.
I can't imagine there will come a day when I can do it without thinking.

I passed when l was 19..so 25 years ago and hated it for ages but don't mind it at all now!

I was such a nervous driver, didn't pass my test till 35 and then only in an automatic!! (feel more in control) my driving Instructor recommended rescue remedy. You can get it in boots and it totally helped me. I took it in my test and then every time I drove for @3 months. One day I just realised I had been driving for about 2 weeks without it. Just calmed my anxiety enough to show me I could do it. 3 years down the line and I can now park on the high street In town without even thinking. Good luck.

I've been trying rescue remedy. And sometimes I thinking works,other times not.
I've ran out so I will get more tomorrow I think.
Does anyone have any experience of using propanolol short term for this kind of anxiety situation??

My car is auto too. Small,new ish and what most normal people would consider to be piss easy to drive and park.

I can relate to your anxiety, OP. I used to be rubbish at manoeuvres, esp. parallel parking. I failed my test the first time because I messed it up.

But, I've lived in a city for years now and park on the street. All that practice has made me into a parallel parking queen. I can get into tiny spaces with a few turns of the wheel.

So take every opportunity you can to do manoeuvres in a safe space (where it's quiet and plenty of room) to build up your confidence. If I can do it, anyone can...I really was crap for a while.

Look, you have to force yourself to do it. It’s the only way. All the time you find ways around it, it will become bigger in your mind than it actually is and you’ll avoid it more.

So what if other drivers have to wait? You have to ignore them. So what if they beep? You have to ignore them. You have to learn to focus on what you’re doing and with each time, it’ll become easier.

The only way this seems less scary is if you force yourself to do it. Pulling on to the drive and then getting your DP to reverse off, or getting your DP to park for you is not helping anyone. You need to be the one to do it. You need to make yourself. Otherwise you’re in for a lifetime of this.

Also, the only reason you forgot your handbrake was because you were in a bit of a state already I’d imagine. Not because you’re hopeless.

Be brave. Just get on and do it.

I used to shake and throw up after lessons and it never really got better once I passed my test.

However I had no choice but to keep driving and it did get better. I've driven all over, including London and its been fine.

It gets easier.

winterwoolies
I totally get what you are saying and I agree. This is the advice of give to others.
However
I literally cannot face doing anything as stressful as that at the min.
I haven't asked DH to park my car he's literally moving it to a better position off the road.
Its annoying but its a better place
The few times I've tried to reverse off I've been unsafe and pulled out right into the road by using too much gas. I can't risk that again.

I’m you a few years on, OP.

I would absolutely NEVER imagine that I could reverse our (large) car into our drive off a main road. And it took me an embarrassing amount of attempts and spiked my anxiety and more than once I have driven off instead of trying again. But now I am 100% confident in doing it.

I still messed up at the weekend in a small car park at one of the DC’s activities and had to allow other cars to do musical places around me. But meh, it was fine. A bit embarrassing but not fatal!

I was a late learner who didn’t want to learn but had to. I absolutely identify with the anxiety and dread and overanalysing. There is no cure but just keeping doing it. The “shit, why did that happen” moments get less frequent (and the “bloody arsehole driver why did you do that!” moments replace them!) and you’ll find yourself getting out of difficult situations and that will boost your confidence.

We live a ways from a motorway so I’m still able to avoid that - which is a problem. Don’t avoid stuff!!

Google maps is great for unfamiliar journeys. You can do it.

I only passed in December and I am in my late 40s. It is hard and I am still nervous on new journeys, although I am getting used to the more routine ones. My husband has driven for years and doesn't see why certain manoeuvres take me a while to think about, especially in reverse, although I do reverse onto the drive from a busy road.

I guess it is just a case of pushing your comfort zone bit by bit, but I really get it too.

Rescue remedy made me much worse!

I was anxious when I first passed my test. I was 28. I went out every day, but was really anxious. The weather did not help, as I passed in December and the morning after I got my car, there was snow on the ground and it was either wet, snowy or frosty for about the first 3 months! But the thing that put the seal on my confidence was not my first long trip, but a trip I made to collect then DH and it started to snow as I drove up. I was too far into the journey to turn back and get someone else to go. I just took it canny and made it home safely. It was dark both ways, too. You do need to just get out there. DF said to me that you only really learn to drive after you've passed your test, and its true.

I used Propanolol for maybe 9 months? I had post natal anxiety. I was always terrified of driving anyway but it got so bad I’d have to psyche myself up. I’m happy to report that I really enjoy driving now. I do still get nervous at new routes but at the same time excited! Things that seemed insurmountable no longer are.
I wouldn’t take Propanolol long term tho. It’s good for one-off events or if things have got really bad, to give you some breathing space but it caused me significant weight gain (thankfully now all gone) and if you do sports your performance will suffer because you basically have no adrenaline

Well I've stocked up on RR. Still considering the betablockers short term. No driving today which is a huge relief but im going to have to tackle it tomorrow again which is already making my stomach churn.
Another issue is I've never filled the car up.with petrol either which is embarrassing and it's getting a bit low.
Is it something i can figure alone?!

Big issue I've had with learning is that my instructor gave me all sorts of reference points for manoeveres. And all dry steering and putting turns on before I move etc. Not massively helpful now and i cant for the life of me remember anyway.
If I had my time again learning then I'd push myself more and insist I get shit hot on manoeveres.

If I had my time again learning then I'd push myself more and insist I get shit hot on manoeveres

You can book a refresher lesson in your new car, to help you figure out just manoeuvring.

Petrol - super simple but I understand the anxiety! Choose a quiet time of day, know which side your petrol cap is. Pull up a bit past the pump. Then it’s just stick in, wait for display to show 0, press and fill. You don’t need to fill it all the way up if you’re worried but it automatically cuts off if it gets full.