To think driving and the anxiety I feel will never get easier?

[Gretasmyname]

Posted a thread recently about driving anxiety-newish driver v.
Little experience and not had a car very long.
Been trying to go out little and often
To build up confidence
Main issue is manoeveres
Been going out at quiet times.
Went out today to big supermarket car park. Did a bit of forward bay parking which I did okay. Rushed though, as even though car park empty I felt it was going to get busy any minute!

Drive around a bit but hated it the whole time. Now I've got back all I can do is think if it!!it's all like a whirl and I am trying to replay it all in my head
Nothing comes natural. It's like an ordeal!
Will this stress ever go?

A very random but practically helpful tip for figuring out that spatial ‘how a car works’ thing ... get a toy car, or a few. Then drive it around, park it, reverse park it etc. Seeing how the wheels turn from the outside, how much space/clearance you need to allow to not bash into something - this is all helpful.

@ACautionaryTale

You say "it's just driving a car" but I would rather have 1000 more people like the OP who are considered about piloting a tonne and a half of metal around at high speed, than the nonchalant folk I seem to have whizzing round here texting and driving in Surrey.

People get so comfortable with the idea of driving that it becomes second nature. You lessen the gap between cars as you think "I'll be able to brake in time". You start forgetting to indicate because you think you can whizz through that gap.

Etc, etc.

The road I have to reverse onto my drive from is busy 7 days a week. The first time I tried I would have hit the gatepost and had to wait, the front of the car on the road, until a van driver let me have the time to straighten up. I have never straightened up as fast in my life.

I also practiced in a quiet car park reversing into bays from a similar angle to my drive. I had an extra lesson with my instructor, as the angles are quite tight. Now I am a lot better and am happier to do this manoeuvre.

It is hard, but I am determined to keep going and keep learning. If I don't push myself I won't improve. My instructor was very good in that if I said I didn't like a certain situation, we would be back in that situation the very next week until I got the hang of it more.

I get it though, I enjoyed all of my lessons, but still found the jump to driving on my own to be significant.

@Gretasmyname

Not sure if you've missed it but rescue remedy may not be helping you. It made me so much worse. Maybe ditch it and see how you feel?

What car do you drive? You might find something else works better for you. I vastly prefer a higher/bigger car because I'm short and find I can see more/have better visibility than I do in a smaller car.

Keep at it and it will get better.

I love driving but still get anxious the night before o have to drive somewhere new or something like that but once I’m going now I’m absolutely fine.

Well done on passing and keep practising

Look bay parking doesn’t have to be a chore. Just park at the back of the carpark because the aggressive sods tend to also be the lazy ones who will circle for hours to avoid having to walk. If you want to park front first then do it - provided you check your mirrors well on the reverse it’s fine.

mouse yes I did see your post about RR
I'm not sure if it works or not anyway!!I dont always have any so i dont use it that regularly anyway.
The poster who said about idiot drivers. Same round here too. In phones constantly, either texting(can see them.looking at lap) or actually talking on it
People get cocky too and think they the best drivers in the world.
I went to the supermarket earlier (on foot) and literally studied the parking spaces at the back
There was one bit almost totally empty that i could drive through and drive out. That's my goal.
Yes aggressive lazy drivers get the front and will literally circle to get get a space !

OP, I had what I would describe a full on phobia of driving, really terrible anxiety and fear. In terms of your anxiety abatingvyou are expecting too much too quickly, your confidence will build gradually over time, it may take a few years to grow totally confident and have zero anxiety but you WILL get there. The more you do it the better your road sense will become - and the more terrible driving you see from other road users you will start to see that everybody makes mistakes etc, you will learn to be less bothered what other drivers think as well. It took me years but my anxiety steadily lessened behind the wheel, now I don't give it a thought at all, I have no anxiety driving - it took a long time but it was so worth it. Good luck

I totally know how you feel - passed my test in my late 30s six years ago and HATED it. I used to sweat so much on lessons I’d be soaked through. Would panic about parking for every drive I went on and to be honest it took about 5 years to master a reverse park!

I had to buy a new car recently and they sent me into a massive panic (which I am NOT prone to) about having to test drive it with someone else in the car watching me - I completely and utterly go to pieces if someone other than close family is watching me manoeuvre. Like I just absolutely utterly cannot do the simplest thing until they’re gone. I’ve pulled out of spaces half way though parking before and driven off because I was being stared at and I just start to get really hot and panic and I can’t do it at all. But you know what? That’s ok! I’ll never see those people again. They won’t think anything of it. It’s better to stop and do something else instead of carrying on when you’re not controlling the car well.

So even though I still get the odd moment, I drive a lot of miles, do motorways alone, reverse into parking spaces (though I’m the queen of the pull-through in a supermarket, why make life hard?) and even reverse on to a tricky driveway.

It does get easier. You will learn.

And don’t worry about what you should do or should be able to. For every time you feel like you chickened out of a tricky parking spot that the next person swung merrily into, you’ll hear someone else say “oh I don’t even know how to fill up! My husband always does it!” They don’t care about taking the easy route through like, why should you? Driving the “easy” way is 100% fine and dandy and admirable in my eyes, why put yourself through stuff. Take the easier but longer route. Park in the biggest space. Get someone else to do the tricky bits. There’s no medals for forcing yourself.

michaelbaubles
You are my twin.
Yes to all you said about an audience
And yy to what you said about making life easier. This is why I did automatic. Though lots of people were sarcastic and judgemental
"You will be limited!"
What?Like more limited than not driving at all?!
Anyway!!!
Newsflash!
I drove tonight unexpectedly.
One dc needed picking up. It was dark. I could have walked but it would have meant dragging younger dc who was in Pjs.
So I did it. I parked around the corner and had to walk but it was ok!!
I survived

Well done! Emergencies are the absolute best thing that could happen because you have no choice but to get in with it, I find.

By the way, I now drive for two hours a day including country roads, dual carriageway and stupid car-lined narrow town roads. And I never panic during my day-to-day driving and I’ve never had an accident, touch wood. Yes a few scrapes, mostly getting in and off my own drive, but I’m only a danger to myself, not others!

Thank you
Yes emergencies are the key I think ha ha.

I had a similar situation a while back and had to drive. That time was daytime though. Tonight it was dark. Anxious I wouldn't be able to put lights on

I even stopped a second time on way home to get a bottle of wine to celebrate .
Don't laugh.

Well done OP, and cheers!

Yes @Gretasmyname well done!!!!

Anxious I wouldn't be able to put lights on

OP, if this is a serious comment what you need to do is sit down with your car’s manual and really study it from start to finish. Then sit in the driver’s seat with it and play about with all the controls until they’re second nature to you. You need to know how everything works so in a changing scenario ie. fog, you immediately know how to turn your fog lights on without panicking and wondering how to do it.

I’ve been driving for over forty years and am a very confident and relaxed driver, but with each new car I get I make sure that I know all there is to know so that everything I need is at my fingertips. You said upthread about not being confident to put petrol in your car. Read the instructions in your manual so you know where the filler is and how to remove the cap.

I was you for years Greta. Then I unexpectedly got offered a new job ( I hated the one I had). I accepted, turned up on my first day and was expected to drive a vehicle on a 70 mile round trip to pick another up! Internally I was panicking like mad but I had no choice. I was shitting myself and sweating the whole way there and back but I did it and now 50% of my working day is driving. I was the last person in a million years that anyone would think would get a driving job but it happened almost accidentally and it’s now second nature. It honestly gets better but be kind to yourself, push yourself but not too far x

Well done, Gretas!

So, next time you can tackle the supermarket and the petrol station. You can even go in the evening, when it will all be quieter, because now you know you can drive in the dark.

Definitely squirrels
No driving till weekend now(Phew) as at work.
Planning food shopping at supermarket either v. Early morning or evening .

I was terrified of driving and was sick before my driving test, I started a new job and had to drive to the office for it, I used to stress so much before the commute - clock watching from 3 thinking oh god I’ve got to get in the car at 5 but I had to do it and got on with it.

Now I get in the car every day and enjoy driving, it took months of practice to get me to this stage but I’m so glad I did it.

Drive somewhere every day, make sure you leave plenty of time for your journey and have a little back ground noise like a radio.

You can do it!

Yes and I’ve never attempted backing into a space and honestly never needed to!

I’ve not rtft sorry but I recognise everything you have so said in your op so much , but not in a car on a motorbike. I learnt to ride late at 41. I mainly did it because dh rides and I thought it would be something we could do together. I hated it. I passed my test and would make excuse after excuse not to go out. I was so scared of dropping the bike or falling off or being hit. Eventually I sold the bike. It wasn’t something I could get over. Whenever I see a bike I feel that anxiety coming back, so much so that I can feel myself on the bike and it toppling over. I am even feeling my heart racing now just thinking about it! No problems driving my car in fact I absolutely love it but I’ve been driving since I was 17. So perhaps it’s learning things like this as. Fully grown adult that makes us feel the fear. I hope you can keep practising and keeping at it. I wish I could have done so with the bike but it just wasn’t for me

Just keep pushing yourself to do little and often.

I passed nearly 12 years ago. Hated it at first, my biggest problem was I didn't get a car for 8 months and I was then driving around with a newborn baby! DH also did the bulk of the driving so I was never forced into it.

Now I can drive quite happily, as long as it doesn't involve the motorway. That's something I just can't bring myself to do.

Thanks everyone for all of upur supportive and encouraging comments.
It's good(not in a bad way) that lots of people feel or have felt the same way.
I'm going to push myself and drive as much as possible. Everyday if possible.
However, I'm not doing it today as I've got work in a bit so don't stress myself before I go. I want to end on lasts nights positive experience. Silly I know.
DP went to move the car last night and I said no as ive got to try so that's another reason I'm not going to drive today as I might not actually be able to attempt it

So my plan is to try and move it before I need to go shopping, either late p.m or early a.m and take it slow reversing
If I get stuck I will have to revert back to using DP but I feel I must try as him moving my car every time is really making me feel bad about myself.

That sounds like a great plan OP