To think driving and the anxiety I feel will never get easier?

[Gretasmyname]

Posted a thread recently about driving anxiety-newish driver v.
Little experience and not had a car very long.
Been trying to go out little and often
To build up confidence
Main issue is manoeveres
Been going out at quiet times.
Went out today to big supermarket car park. Did a bit of forward bay parking which I did okay. Rushed though, as even though car park empty I felt it was going to get busy any minute!

Drive around a bit but hated it the whole time. Now I've got back all I can do is think if it!!it's all like a whirl and I am trying to replay it all in my head
Nothing comes natural. It's like an ordeal!
Will this stress ever go?

It does get easier, I promise.

I passed my test in March last year, got my first car in April.

It took me about a month to be able to drive myself to work (on my own) and every time I got in the car my heart rate used to shoot up (I'd check my fitbit).

Now I hop in and away I go. I've still not driven any great length, or on a motorway, but i can get to work and back and go shopping in a supermarket on my own (even though I still park really far from the entrance where it is quieter).

there is hope!! :) xx

I used to be the same. Hated driving, it made me anxious and on edge which I believe made me an unsafe driver. I hated having people driving behind me (which is pretty inevitable )

However I HAD to start doing long distance driving (4 hours at a time) and I am now extremely confident.

So my advice would be to just practice as much as you can. Getting a dash cam and sat nav helped me feel calmer too.

Are you near any tracks op? I did a track day (in their car) and it was amazing and really helped with the anxiety. The instructor knew I was a fairly new driver and explained things in a slightly different way to my driving instructor which made it suddenly click in my head.

I can't remember being taught reference points or anything like that and still manage to park just fine. It all comes with practice, I promise.

Not sure if you saw but rescue remedy made me much worse. I think taking it built driving up into something scary in my head. I stopped taking it and some of the anxiety went away.

Also, stick some music on. Singing along keeps you breathing and distracts you from worrying.

Honestly though you just need to grit your teeth and keep driving. I bet in a short while you'll look back on this period and wonder what you were worried about! 😀

Book a couple of pass plus lessons with an instructor who’ll take you out in your own car, and do stuff like filling up with fuel etc.I was lucky, my instructor had to fill up when I was on a lesson so he let me do it but I’d have been really nervous if he hadn’t. Or just ask someone for help (I had to ask once when I had a car hire and couldn’t open the filler cap- bit embarrassing but hey-ho!)

A lot of people I know had to have additional lessons because they passed in the smallish town where the test centre is but when it came to driving into the city they were terrified.

Most importantly remember Driving is an ongoing learning experience- I’ve been driving for over 20 years and I’m still learning. I know that I’m not an expert any means, and that’s a far safer state of affairs than thinking you know it all. You meet new experiences and challenges all the time and learn from them all. I still get a bit nervous when I reverse park and do a little happy dance when I get it spot on!

Thanks everyone
I feel buoyant tonight about driving tomorrow but I always do and then tomorrow I will over think it all day and not do it.
squirrels thanks I'm sure it's super easy but worried about pulling up in wrong place or a queue forming.
Maybe I could try Sunday morning. Hopefully petrol will last till then

Oh and I do sing my head off
I can do that and still drive luckily.
I have had a couple of refresher lessons with a new instructor who I hoped would be impartial.
They were good in one way but not another iyswim.

Listened and were patient. But also flustered me massively by taking me a bit out of area to a place that is awfully busy every day and made me park. It was cringey

I needed a step by step guide:
Turn right a bit ,back up.turn left etc

Cars waiting. Terrible. Instructer was baffled by my clear lack of spatial awareness,how car worked. Amazed by me being taught dry steering.
I appreciated their honesty but it's made me feel dumber!
I worry If I carry on driving on my own i will be in a situation I can't get out of. And be one Of those people who ask a stranger to park for me!!.
Equally though , I really don't want to pay anyone else to reach me more stuff or a different technique!!
It's only helpful at that time. What happens if I go to Tesco tomorrow and it's not the same kind of car park or spaces. I'm doomed.

I’m in a similar position to you - hopefully if we hang in there it will get better!

I passed my test first time in my 20s but have only just started actually driving at the age of 40! I convinced myself for years that I didn’t need to drive, but now that I have 3 small children who need taking to two different daycare places there is no way to avoid it, unless I spend two hours a day walking!

At the moment I’ve only driven to nursery on my own and with just one kid in the car - rather than picking the other two up from kindergarten on the way back, I come home, park the car and then walk to pick them up! I’m really nervous about having to park in the car park at kindergarten as it’s next to the garden where there are always kids, parents and staff. I’m terrified they’ll witness me making some terrible attempt to park! I too have a small automatic which should be a piece of pie to park with sensors but I still can’t get the hang of it. I know it’s just practice really as I don’t have any issues getting off my drive, even though it means reversing onto a main road, usually between parked cars. As I’m forced to do that every time I go out, it’s no problem.

I’m going to force myself to drive there tomorrow I think and take all three of the kids in the car at once.

I think the key is to keep pushing yourself a little bit further, going on new routes and at busier times of the day.

What helps me is to do some breathing exercises when I get in the car - just breathe in for 3 seconds, hold for 4 and breathe out for 5.

Could you take a few more lessons? Perhaps some advanced one for new drivers? I wonder if theyd allow it in your car and do some manoeuvres.
Or find somewhere empty like a carpark and practise your arse off.
It comes with time. I used to look around at other drivers and think how the fuck can they do it!? 7 years later I'm a wizard. But you gotta keep at it and eventually itll fall into place and that anxiety will ease off.

I started learning to drive at 18 and hated it. I did on and off lessons for years until I finally passed my test in an automatic at 25 (2015). I had a car for six months after passing my test and HATED driving so sold it.

Then in March last year I bought another car, I’ve been driving almost every day since then and I’m finally comfortable. I’ve even been on the motorway a few times and while I do get nervous driving somewhere I haven’t been before (anxious about being in the correct lane, etc), I can’t believe the difference in my comfort levels in less than a year.

chloe
I've done similar
Drove somewhere. Come back. Left car/caught bus to school. I have myself
The strange thing is I'm very confident going anywhere by foot/bus /train/plane. Good at directions navigating. But as a driver. Massive flap. Worried I'm going to end up on a road which is tight/difficult to navigate and I'm stuck with no way through.
Not likely as I haven't gone that far afield!!

I was always a terrible and anxious driver. It took me 97 lessons over 5 years (in 2 lots) to pass my test but I was always awful and I never really found it anything other than really stressful. If I had to have my blood pressure taken I used to have to go shopping our for a coffee to calm down first to get an accurate reading! Ultimately, I moved abroad and ditched the car. I now live in a city so don't need to drive she I've never been happier. My dh never learnt to drive and e we are very happy to be bus and train users!!! Life is too short to do something that makes us so miserable although it does have an impact on where you should live and the places you can easily visit. If it isn't public transport friendly we mostly don't go and we are fine with that - that's the choice we've made!

As someone who has suffered with driving anxiety my advice is to just grab it by the balls and do it. The more you do it, the better it will be. Whatever you do, don't avoid it which is what I did. Then I was forced to drive a certain route for work, which included motorway (actually I avoided the motorway to start but the route was so much longer and trafficy it was ridiculous) and now I am so much better. I am now at a point where I almost (not quite but almost ) enjoy driving on the motorway, and I am venturing to more unknown places on my own again. I wasted years going ridiculous routes or avoiding journeys altogether and I wish I hadn't.

Keep going, keep practising.

looselips
Done this. Time with instructor dual controls and then time in mine. Ok at that time with someone saying what I have to do step by step , but then mind blank when I'm alone.
I know I need to keep in with the practicing at quiet times but in a city they are few.
I'm getting embarrassed now at the car sitting outside literally all day every day.

Family still offer me a lift like I don't have a car. I don't accept as i didn't prior either.
DP does everything long ish distance and takes dc when its a car journey.
Even one of the older dc tonight has asked his dad to take him somewhere and younger dc asked when I'm ever going to use car!
Kids are kids ,so I take no notice, but I'm beginning to feel totally humiliated by adults behaviour. And annoyed.
I think they are all baffled as most people are excited when they get a new car.

welshmamma
I've considered this and while j vet exposure therapy and guess it works
(Bit like facing your fears in
'I'm celebrity ')
I also Don't get it. As why make your life miserable.i don't need extra stress forn something I have to do like say,work.
I love walking
Public transport is good.
Dh drives.

But OTOH I also get what doodee says. My life would be easier. There are times I would benefit hugely.

I love travelling and could take dc to sooooo many places.

I learned to drive aged 28 when I worked on a small island where the speed limit was 20mph and there were three roads. I was fine. Came back to the UK years later and absolutely hated driving here. Hated and loathed and feared and dreaded every journey.

Gradually town driving became much easier but A roads were tricky, and the blue M signs made my palms sweat on the wheel which I gripped tightly, hunching over it.

I took a job which required weekly motorway travel and stuck it for three years, setting the mileometer on every trip so I could count down the miles.

Then out of the blue I had a seizure (not while driving) and had to stop for a year. It was such blessed relief that I have never gone back .... I know that if I had to, I could - but I choose not to make myself do something that I really didn't like, and I gave it a pretty good shot. I salute all those who persevere and triumph.

Ah honestly, this could have been me a few months ago. I've only been driving since last summer and I hated it so much to start with. I'd find excuses not to drive places and would get myself in a right state before going anywhere. I'll be honest I still get a little bit anxious sometimes when it comes to parking anywhere busy and I really need to practice reversing, but I know I've made so much progress. I'm getting much better and I don't feel panicked anymore before I drive anywhere. It will get better - don't beat yourself up about it, just keep at it.

lobster
I agree
Sorry about your seizure amd hope you are all okay now.
I feel a bit of pity from people in RL like ive lost out by not driving up to now. Some ways,yes. Going out further afield maybe, but certainly not on a day to day basis.
Half of me thinks I perhaps will never like it
Other half thinks I may love it eventually.
Thing is knowing how long to keep going before i call it a day.

OP - take yourself off to a quiet car park and manoeuvre until it's second nature. Just do it. Even better if it's got a bit of a slope.

Don't be looking back in years to come and cursing yourself for not getting confident. You've already achieved a lot by getting this far and I know it seems like every other bugger can do it easy!

It will get easier OP.

I passed my test at just 18 and started driving straight away. I hated it at first - I hadn't particularly enjoyed learning, I really struggled with roundabouts even after passing. Just didn't get it at all.

I went out with my Dad (a police trained driver) and learnt to drive on the motorway -he said my driving was good, no issues. I still didn't like it.

In all honesty, at the time, I would have happily got rid of the car and never driven again. My parent's encouraged me to persevere and I did.

Twelve months after passing my test, something seemed to click and I no longer dreaded driving.

I've had my license 15 years now and I'm so glad I carried on. I live rurally now where the nearest bus stop is a mile and half walk through fields so I'd be stuck if I couldn't drive. Plus, I have my son and having the car means I can get him to school/hobbies/parties easily. I can take my disabled Nan out with ease. There are so many plus points.

Keep at it -you will become more confident in time.

@Gretasmyname yes, all fine thank you. Apparently many people have one off seizures. I agree with others that you may become more confident and enjoy driving. You asked how long to give it ... I tried it daily for 18 years. Still didn't like it!

I passed 18 months ago and felt like you did for a while. I wanted to get out there and have no fear but unfortunately it wasn't my reality.
I drove only to places I felt comfortable with at first, to work and to the supermarket and mastered those until I felt confident. I then added in extra journeys, to the cinema and the retail park and this is what I'm still doing.
I've not been on the motorway yet but I know I will eventually. I've taken that pressure off myself to 'get out there' and I just go where I'm confident to go.
I'm not great at manoeuvres. I've mastered forward bay parking and reversing out but I don't reverse in or parallel park as I hate it. Sometimes I have to park further away but it doesn't bother me.
Take the pressure off yourself but keep doing short journeys even if it's the same one over and over.

Well i woke up this morning and the first thing I thought was how I'm going to have to to for a drive. As i have a day off so no excuse.
This is insane.
My day will be ruined mithering about going and if I do go, it will be ruined thinking about it after.
There is a little shortish journey i could do but don't technically need to. But then I'm going to have to come back and park car in the street which will mean DH will come home later and move it to a 'proper' place. Which will annoy me for being so incompetent.
There's no way that i can attempt reversing on the drive. As 6 days a week my street is busy the entire day.
It's only Sunday that's it's emptier.
The thing is I can't keep practicing Sundays can I.

Nobody was more anxious than be through the whole process of learning. By ynr grace of God I passed and hated getting behind the wheel. I was a hot mess shaking and trembling. Then it just faded away and now I can drive anywhere anytime with confidence. The penny will drop soon don't worry.

Maybe I will attempt it.im glugging on my RR like it's water