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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have blocked the CF?

326 replies

Sparklfairy · 25/01/2020 10:59

I've been seeing a guy for about 4 months. He works a 'normal' job and I work from home, freelance, long and anti social hours. It's not uncommon for me to work overnight, sleep pattern all over the place etc. I've had to put my foot down before with regards to him assuming that because I work for myself that I can have time off whenever I he want(s).

He was supposed to come over last night, but I cancelled due to running late on a work deadline. Said we could do something today in the day. It was left that he would call me in the morning and jokes were made about me likely being dead asleep if it was early and not hearing it etc.

At 6.30 this morning I woke to my phone buzzing. I saw it was him and ignored it, as had only got to bed a couple of hours before.

Then my doorbell buzzed.

I was annoyed that he just rocked up at my house (15 miles from his) at 6.30am with no prior warning. My phone kept ringing so I decided to ignore it. He continued to ring the doorbell, long sustained buzzing 10-12 seconds.

I keep my window which faces the road open most of the time (first floor flat). He shouted through the window "ALEXA! TURN BEDROOM LIGHT ON!" which of course she did. Okay, annoying but maybe, just maybe he was kidding around and didn't think it would work.

Then he shouts, "ALEXA! SET ALARM FOR FIVE MINUTES"

I lost it then. I went to the window, said, 'Well you can fuck off', slammed it shut and locked it.

He then continued to ring me and buzz my doorbell until I threatened to call the police. He then resorted to just yelling up at me from the street Confused

I'm so utterly bewildered that he thinks any of this is normal!? I've blocked him and very firmly told him to fuck off. He's texted saying that I said he could come round (not at 6.30 unannounced I fucking didn't) and if I was clearly asleep why did he think it was okay to force me to wake up? What the fuck.

I've blocked him and never want to speak to him again (but of course am still furious so don't know if it's that). Starting to think maybe I was too harsh...?

OP posts:
Itsalready · 25/01/2020 12:05

AngryShock unbelievable behaviour.
@sparklfairy He's saying that he won't contact you again unless you do first to try and make you think he's being reasonable and leaving it your decision. In reality, I'm guessing, if you don't contact him again, he will start calling/texting trying to make you reconsider. He's trying to make you think "oh maybe I overreacted and actually maybe it was funny and I did say he could come round", so you let him back in to your life and he can start with the ludicrous control behaviour again!!
When I read this, I was so Annoyed for you OP, anyone waking me up at 630am ringing my door and calling would NEVER be spoken to again (obviously unless it was an emergency). The whole thing, including Alexa, is Not funny and you are well rid of him!! X

Bluebutterfly90 · 25/01/2020 12:06

You dodged a bullet there! What a lunatic!

Trying to wake you up at 6:30 when you went to bed late and don't need to be up is over the line to start with, not to mention all the other crazy behaviour. Depriving someone of a lie-in is unforgivable. Grin

Ginkypig · 25/01/2020 12:07

He knew what he was doing, it sounds entirely premeditated to me.

He had already "joked" something like this was going to happen!

He was supposed to come over last night, but I cancelled due to running late on a work deadline. Said we could do something today in the day. It was left that he would call me in the morning and jokes were made about me likely being dead asleep if it was early and not hear

This comment probably sparked the idea for him and he then decided that was what he was going to do later, then he did.

My (abusive) ex used to do things like that. It was only much later that I was able to see and connect "the innocent spark" (usually a simple or passing comment or joke in normal conversation) for some of the more odd and sometimes scary behaviours. For a long time it was hard to see the connection because it may have just been a really vague nothing thing in the middle of a conversation that sometimes days later he had used as a spark for a horrible experience for me. It's scary to realise how his brain worked because before during and after our interaction he appeared normal but had quietly in his brain stored things to bastardise and hurt me later.

Lindy2 · 25/01/2020 12:09

Blimey. Even if I'd had a full night's sleep I'd be mightly pissed off about being woken up at 6.30am at the weekend for no good reason.

I think it could be any of these:-

  • he thought you would find it funny (possibly forgivable if you are otherwise happy with everything else and he promises never to do it again).
  • he thought this was a normal thing to do (in which case he's a bit crazy which is worrying)
  • he was either checking up on you or "punishing "you for working last night rather than prioritising him (ditch him asap).

I hope you went back to bed and got some more sleep.

Purplecatshopaholic · 25/01/2020 12:09

Controlling behaviour dressed up as sweet/caring or a ‘genuine’ error... you are well rid. You were not over-reacting

ActualHornist · 25/01/2020 12:09

Wow. He’s a crazy person.

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 25/01/2020 12:10

wellbehavedwomen and it's already you're exactly right. I was aware that there were certain things he says/does that could be seen as controlling, but when I call him out directly he always denies he said it, or says that I said something that absolutely didn't happen. And because he always does it in a 'nice' non aggressive way but absolutely sure of himself I question whether I'm being unreasonable.

I deliberately didn't go apeshit at him so he didn't have anything to turn around on me. He was out of line and I calmly said so, and he still escalated it and tried to bully his way in/talk me round. It's almost more insidious when they act like the 'nice guy'

OP posts:
Thedeadwood · 25/01/2020 12:11

What lunatic does that at 630am?!!

HillAreas · 25/01/2020 12:12

I dread to think what life will be like for the poor woman he eventually snares. He sounds absolutely dreadful. Well out of it, OP.

OhMeows · 25/01/2020 12:13

Absolute bellend.

justilou1 · 25/01/2020 12:13

I think you have narrowly avoided a wannabe cocklodger!!!

Notthebloodygym · 25/01/2020 12:14

It isn't even the time. Put that to one side and imagine it was 10am. His behaviour was still outrageous and you did the only thing possible in threatening to call the police. The man is a crazy control freak and you're right to stay away from him.

45andfine · 25/01/2020 12:14

I get pissed off if my DP wakes me from a cat nap, let alone wake me in middle of my nights sleep. F**king inconsiderate. You're well rid.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 25/01/2020 12:17

I need to have words with Alexa. Traitorous bitch.
I set up voice recognition but admittedly it doesn't always work Confused

It sounds like he thought it was a hilarious turn of events, whereas I'd have been steaming, but then reading your other comments he's a bad fit for you.

Overstaying his welcome, spending more and more time at yours
Pushing your boundaries
Denying he's said or done things and turning it on you
Trying to change arrangements so they always suit him without consideration of you, your work and your schedules

He's displaying a total lack of care or consideration for you, your space, your time and your feelings.

Lunafortheloveogod · 25/01/2020 12:17

I’d have flung Alexa the fucking traitor out the window at him.. water would only hurt his ego not knock sense into him.

See it as a lucky escape.. who the fuck turns up at someone’s door at half 6 if they aren’t expecting it or it isn’t an emergency..

Who cares if he calls you crazy, all his ex’s are.. now you know why.

MotherofTerriers · 25/01/2020 12:17

I bet he contacts you again
Maybe he'll leave it a day or so to see if you get in touch first

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 25/01/2020 12:18

Ginkypig that 'innocent spark' you're talking about really resonated with me. He's done that more than once Confused

OP posts:
dontgobaconmyheart · 25/01/2020 12:22

Not finding it funny at all tbh OP, it's red flags galore and you are well rid. He sounds like a controlling dickhead who has no legitimate sense of respect for you or your opinions and feelings. Clearly he wants life revolving around his need for attention being met and had too much bloody time on his hands (wonder why Hmm).

Who cares what he says, he's a weirdo with ocerbearing social skills and no boundaries, who you were tolerating anyway. Its him, not you OP!

Antihop · 25/01/2020 12:25

What a weirdo. You're well rid.

6demandingchildren · 25/01/2020 12:29

My husband wouldn't dare wake me at any time let alone at 06:30 and we sleep in the same bed.
You are well rid.

tweedler · 25/01/2020 12:30

Holy moly. Even my kids approach me with caution at that hour, but if I'd had to pull an all nighter.... wow.

Honestly, it's funny in a tv sitcom kind of way but definitely not in RL. Who the hell thinks someone wants to be woken up by a) switching into your bedroom lights b) setting an alarm on Alexa c) causing a commotion on the street?

I would be f**king livid.

But I am generally like the living dead until about 9am

WillLokireturn · 25/01/2020 12:34

You've definitely dodged a bullet as his crazy is coming out now and he's trying to get his feet under the table.

He's outstaying his welcome when he does come round for 2-3 days!! You can send bfs home the next day, when you want!

He's trying to put his wants over your wishes to have your own time

He's controlling

He's abusive turning up like that and all the crazy things he did to get you up at a ridiculous early time on so little sleep because HE wanted to see you despite you not wanting to.

It's your life not his, you're not his puppet. You do get to sleep you know, it's a basic human right!!

You also get to say what you want to do when you want to. That includes your spare time.

Really would stick with the blocking him if I were you, dump him and cut him off. He sounds like a controlling stalker in the making and his behaviour is worrying.

I dated a chap like this who St attend turning up uninvited and expected to stay endless despite me saying no, all as a 'nice surprise for me' turning up with flowers and food (for me to cook him! Hmm) for a nice meal "for me/us"and kicking off about how selfish I was when I said it's time to go home and no Thankyou, I said no.

It just got worse rapidly until I repeated that we were over, totally blocked him and threatened to call police when he turned up again 'because (in his mind) we needed to talk and he wouldn't go away until I let him in (I didn't) because he loved me so much and could be there for me' ... All sorts of crazy!!

MitziK · 25/01/2020 12:34

I wonder how many neighbours also had to deal with their Alexas switching on the lights and setting an alarm? I'd be murderous. It's another good reason to not have one of the blasted things.

Dumping and blocking is definitely the right thing to do here. And calling the police if he turns up ever again.

Panpastels · 25/01/2020 12:35

Absolutely well rid. You dealt with it perfectly -don't let any doubt creep in!

WillLokireturn · 25/01/2020 12:36

But your Alexa is a traitorous biatch!! GrinShockGrin That was comedy gold you'll laugh about in a few months ... (when Crazy ExBf is off the scene totally)