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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have blocked the CF?

326 replies

Sparklfairy · 25/01/2020 10:59

I've been seeing a guy for about 4 months. He works a 'normal' job and I work from home, freelance, long and anti social hours. It's not uncommon for me to work overnight, sleep pattern all over the place etc. I've had to put my foot down before with regards to him assuming that because I work for myself that I can have time off whenever I he want(s).

He was supposed to come over last night, but I cancelled due to running late on a work deadline. Said we could do something today in the day. It was left that he would call me in the morning and jokes were made about me likely being dead asleep if it was early and not hearing it etc.

At 6.30 this morning I woke to my phone buzzing. I saw it was him and ignored it, as had only got to bed a couple of hours before.

Then my doorbell buzzed.

I was annoyed that he just rocked up at my house (15 miles from his) at 6.30am with no prior warning. My phone kept ringing so I decided to ignore it. He continued to ring the doorbell, long sustained buzzing 10-12 seconds.

I keep my window which faces the road open most of the time (first floor flat). He shouted through the window "ALEXA! TURN BEDROOM LIGHT ON!" which of course she did. Okay, annoying but maybe, just maybe he was kidding around and didn't think it would work.

Then he shouts, "ALEXA! SET ALARM FOR FIVE MINUTES"

I lost it then. I went to the window, said, 'Well you can fuck off', slammed it shut and locked it.

He then continued to ring me and buzz my doorbell until I threatened to call the police. He then resorted to just yelling up at me from the street Confused

I'm so utterly bewildered that he thinks any of this is normal!? I've blocked him and very firmly told him to fuck off. He's texted saying that I said he could come round (not at 6.30 unannounced I fucking didn't) and if I was clearly asleep why did he think it was okay to force me to wake up? What the fuck.

I've blocked him and never want to speak to him again (but of course am still furious so don't know if it's that). Starting to think maybe I was too harsh...?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparklfairy · 29/01/2020 12:37

Ugh my doorbell has just rung (not expecting any deliveries etc) and then again. It's likely to be him but not 100% as he often works in the area but he's made me feel so on edge. I shouldn't feel sick when the doorbell goes FFS Sad

OP posts:
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 29/01/2020 12:55

Urgh did you answer OP? I'd be sneaking a look out the window first..

DinaCaliente · 29/01/2020 13:02

Get Alexa to order you a Ring doorbell pronto then you can see who's there.

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 29/01/2020 13:04

I didn't dare sneak a look out the window. Whoever it was would know I'm in as I lock it when going out but leave it open all the time when I'm here. Some of his clothes are here. It's not over is it Sad I'm going to have to text him

OP posts:
MRex · 29/01/2020 13:06

Post his clothes back and text him "Your possessions are in the post. You have been harassing me and I do not want you to contact me again, if you contact me again I will call the police."

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 29/01/2020 13:18

Ugh. Can't I just let him know a time and just throw them out of the window at him? Grin

I feel like a prisoner in my own home right now.

OP posts:
MzHz · 29/01/2020 13:25

Sweetheart you do need to get a Ring doorbell!

I’ve seen what they do and it’s utterly amazing!

Can you put his crap in a bag and leave it outside? Also lock the door so he thinks you’re out.

I’d also call 101 to ask for them to support you too.

acatcalledjohn · 29/01/2020 13:45

Put his stuff in bin bags, unblock him, tell him that his stuff will be available to collect outside of your house at X time, and to not knock on your door or contact you in any way, shape or form. Then block him again.

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 29/01/2020 13:46

I don't think I can get a ring doorbell as the main door is a communal door to the building of four flats. You can't get in without a key and the other neighbours (I think) know not to let this guy in without my permission. It still sets me on edge though as the person buzzed my doorbell (no one else's as I can hear them too and they're all different) and then pounded on the main door Confused

Probably just letting anxiety get the better of me I guess

OP posts:
Happityhap · 29/01/2020 14:06

Do what acatcalledjohn said.

NearlyGranny · 29/01/2020 14:07

No, you have every justification to be anxious, I think!

He will almost certainly use the fact that he has belongings at your place to try to force contact. (Why else did he leave things at yours except to be a figurative foot in the door?)

And he will probably initiate lots of back and forth about times and arrangements regarding these items, milking the opportunity for contact and trying to get himself bodily into your home, where he can initiate talks; the kind of talks where you are called on to explain and justify your behaviour and get worn down by his demands.

Don't be contacting him, please!

Best idea is to bag his stuff up, then talk to a trusted ground floor neighbour, ideally a sturdy male. Give the neighbour his number and ask him to contact the owner to arrange collection, making clear you want no contact and only want to know when it's gone, not have anyessaged passed to you, etc. Then the neighbour cal alert you when ex is coming so you can bring the bags down to the outer hall and be somewhere else or locked in and lying low when he comes. That way the NC is maintained and your neighbour can block him when it's all done, too.

Some departing partners may expect to be let in to go through a house and pick over your belongings, deciding what's theirs, but that is clearly unacceptable.

Do you know any of the ground floor people well enough to ask this favour? It's not a small one! Of the neighbourly has seen and heard him, it will be clear that he's on the crazy side and everyone will want him gone.

Meanwhile, keep your personal front door locked whether you're in or out, in case entitled man decides to lie in wait and slip in behind someone or blah his way in! Make safety your watchword.

Good luck, don't be drawn into contact.

Happityhap · 29/01/2020 14:09

And have your window shut at X time when he's to collect the stuff, so he thinks you're out.

WhoAmIToTellYou · 29/01/2020 14:18

Jealous? Controlling? Unhinged?
Has he displayed signs of the above before?

He has no care or respect for you.

WhoAmIToTellYou · 29/01/2020 14:22

Oooh, i see he had form for gaslighting too- take this as a good enough excuse to get rid of him, please.

messolini9 · 31/01/2020 11:56

How's it going @Sparklfairy?
It was good to see that you are able to enlist neighbourly support, some of it of the burly male variety Smile

I'm hoping you have been able to deal with the Great Collection of Belongings Issue without any further ridiculousness from Mr Controlfreak.

If that WAS him calling round a couple of days back ... has he tried again? Or has he used any form of messaging to ask for his stuff to be returned?

The cynical voice of experience in me is wondering if he is avoiding any form of e-comms with you now, lest it leave a trail - as per PP's speculation upthread that he may have got obsessive previously, & been warned off.

The nosy part of me is just wondering how you are feeling & have you been able to put this episode behind you yet?!

Also, did Alexa survive the experience, or have you been forced to execute her for fifth columnist activity?

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 03/02/2020 21:14

I'm doing ok messolini9 Smile he sent me a message saying that on reflection he realised there were "issues" that meant he didn't want to continue the relationship what is he talking about I'm fucking delightful and nothing now for a few days.

He only has a t shirt and tracksuit bottoms here so I didn't think it was worth opening up the dialogue if he hasn't mentioned them. Anyone with any sense would just write them off.

Alexa and I have a strained relationship. Everytime she ignores one of my requests, I internally scream "BASTARDING MISOGYNY' and mutter to myself.

I really think I dodged a bullet here. So much stuff he used to try and pull that you read on places like MN and think wtf? But because he did it with a smile on his face then I was unreasonable for saying nope, that is not ok.

OP posts:
BruceAndNosh · 03/02/2020 21:32

HE didn't want to continue the relationship?
Didn't he realise that he had already been dumped?

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 03/02/2020 21:37

BruceAndNosh isn't that just make entitlement personified? That I'm not dumped until I say so? Sums him up really. I said don't contact me again; it was pretty clear. Then I get that Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparklfairy · 03/02/2020 21:37

Male not make

OP posts:
MRex · 04/02/2020 08:30

Wow! He won't even allow you the "control" of deciding to dump him without trying to take over, that's some next level control freakery. DH reckons he's trying to change the narrative because he doesn't want to acknowledge his utter madness even to himself, which may also be true.

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 04/02/2020 12:23

MRex everything you've said rings true Confused at least I found all this out now!

OP posts:
MRex · 04/02/2020 13:18

Yeah, onwards to the next one. Any prospects as yet?

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 04/02/2020 17:20

MRex no, I've got back on tinder/POF but it has put me off a little. I wanted to get out and meet people a couple of times a week. Get out of the house because of work you know? But nope, he came bombarding in dictating everything and I couldn't take it the pace that I wanted Hmm just kept asking for the next date sooner and sooner, just enough that I thought it was weird but not weird enough iyswim?

OP posts:
MRex · 04/02/2020 19:01

The others will be weird in different ways though! Maybe even one who's actually nice and only weird in ways that you like.

MissPepper8 · 04/02/2020 22:23

I've got back on tinder/POF

Noo these are the wrong places to be, sibling went though dating using those sites and she never met anyone who was looking for more than a quick shag. They had girlfriends or were non committed.

You will find someone, I'd try a different platform or even going out and meeting people at events. Good luck op

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