To have blocked the CF?

[Sparklfairy]

I've been seeing a guy for about 4 months. He works a 'normal' job and I work from home, freelance, long and anti social hours. It's not uncommon for me to work overnight, sleep pattern all over the place etc. I've had to put my foot down before with regards to him assuming that because I work for myself that I can have time off whenever I he want(s).

He was supposed to come over last night, but I cancelled due to running late on a work deadline. Said we could do something today in the day. It was left that he would call me in the morning and jokes were made about me likely being dead asleep if it was early and not hearing it etc.

At 6.30 this morning I woke to my phone buzzing. I saw it was him and ignored it, as had only got to bed a couple of hours before.

Then my doorbell buzzed.

I was annoyed that he just rocked up at my house (15 miles from his) at 6.30am with no prior warning. My phone kept ringing so I decided to ignore it. He continued to ring the doorbell, long sustained buzzing 10-12 seconds.

I keep my window which faces the road open most of the time (first floor flat). He shouted through the window "ALEXA! TURN BEDROOM LIGHT ON!" which of course she did. Okay, annoying but maybe, just maybe he was kidding around and didn't think it would work.

Then he shouts, "ALEXA! SET ALARM FOR FIVE MINUTES"

I lost it then. I went to the window, said, 'Well you can fuck off', slammed it shut and locked it.

He then continued to ring me and buzz my doorbell until I threatened to call the police. He then resorted to just yelling up at me from the street

I'm so utterly bewildered that he thinks any of this is normal!? I've blocked him and very firmly told him to fuck off. He's texted saying that I said he could come round (not at 6.30 unannounced I fucking didn't) and if I was clearly asleep why did he think it was okay to force me to wake up? What the fuck.

I've blocked him and never want to speak to him again (but of course am still furious so don't know if it's that). Starting to think maybe I was too harsh...?

You need to seriously stop dating if you felt for a second you were 'too harsh'. You should have dumped him the minute he assumed you'd be free whenever he wanted because you work for yourself. Change Alexa's name, turn your buzzer off when you're not wanting to be disturbed, block him on everything and if he tries to get hold of you again call the police.

And the time I whispered to her to turn dd's light off as she was asleep and I got the reply
IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE WHISPERING. TO ENABLE WHISPER MODE SAY "ALEXA ENABLE WHISPER MODE".

Sounds like you both have weird lifestyles.

Because op doesn't work 9-5 its weird?
Wtf?

I'm a freelancer working from home too, so understand about a) the weird hours and b) other people expecting that you can take time off whenever you feel like it.

Anyone who I dated would have to understand my job and what it meant. My partner is great, and shows an active interest in what I do. I'm a writer, and he even helps me with my research if I'm working and he wants to spend time with me!

Stealth I'm crying I've had all of these! I also said 'Alexa needs to add 'sass' to her repetoire' to my friend when she made some quip at me.

She responded 'I've added sex to your shopping list'

I've had exes like this and it was creepy what he done. It's like he was checking up on you to make sure you're alone. The whole disrespect for your boundaries is a big red flag and you done the right thing getting rid of him.

Oh yeah and one of them had an alexa ( I hate those things by the way ) and he loved ordering it to do things all the time.

That's really weird. How old is he that he still lives with his parents?

And clearly he doesn't want to be there, so is trying to stay at yours as much as possible.

Really never unblock this one, he's just trying to move in by stealth.

I have to refer to her as The A Word unless I want something. She hears me from so far away.

I have no doubt at that time in the morning she picked up his voice.

Bluntness100 early 30s. Moved back in with them after a break up so I'm told

How longs he been living there? I'd wonder if he ever moved out. Or if he moved in by stealth to some other poor woman's house.

My take is he wants to spend as much time at yours and then move in.

I'd also ask why he's still there. He's early thirties, he's been there at least four months if not longer, that's long enough to get someplace to live,,

but when I call him out directly he always denies he said it, or says that I said something that absolutely didn't happen. And because he always does it in a 'nice' non aggressive way but absolutely sure of himself I question whether I'm being unreasonable.
That's gaslighting - do NOT let him back into your life. If you feel yourself getting tempted then get back here pronto and MN can be your backbone.

If I let him in he would then think that was acceptable behaviour.

Oh Sparkle you have done so bloody marvellously.
I wish more women could access their righteous fury like this - it would save so many of us from ending up with, as you say, partners who think they get to dictate what is acceptable.

Twats who can't respect my office (another wfh here) deserve a special kind of ire anyway, so I may be biased - but fwiw your ex had too many of the hallmarks of potential coercive control. In just 4 months you had to do far too much 'explaining' of why he doesn't own your time, you do. As you need to justify your own decisons to him ffs!

Imagine what you might have been posting here in another 6 months if you hadn't reacted so well this morning.

It's early, so have although you deserve

I agree with Bluntness that this guy was trying to move in, it would only be a matter of time before he would be inviting his mates around to your home and offering your hospitality.

I think he will be back in touch in a few days to allow you to apologise to him for "overreacting" he sounds a right prat.

Batshit behaviour. Keep him blocked. Stay safe.

StealthPolarBear Sparklfairy FFS Alexa 😂

Is he even viewing properties to rent or buy op? Talking about it?

The fact he comes round, sometimes stays for two or three days, would come round every night if he could, comes round so early in thr morning, and then says weird childish things like "you said I could come round".

Indicates this isn't about you. It's about your home, he wants you to let him live there. HEd start coming more and more, staying longer and longer, leaving his stuff, before eventually he's moved in and you didn't even see it happening.

Yup. Potential cock lodger dodged.

Bluntness maybe you're right? He hasn't ever talked about moving out from where he is (either renting or buying), apart from one occasion when his mum was 'nagging' him about something or other and he said he would be out by the end of the year! Yeah, end of 2020

My place is a tiny studio, so no room for him to actually move in. He has on occasion 'suggested' I move closer to him, as rent is much cheaper in his town and I can get 'more for my money'. I've shut that conversation right down as I like where I live and don't like where he lives! I think on reflection you and PPs are probably right, he was trying to get his feet under the table here

If I was your neighbour he would have got a bucket of water and a screech if ‘shut up ya utter fud!’

Well they say the path of true love is never smooth but you'd be hard pressed to make this one up;!!

He says that he won't contact you again unless you contact him first seems very at odds with what you know of his personality which is to be pushy and only consider his wants and not yours. It makes me think that he may have had police involvement in the past because he was harassing someone and knows not to keep in contact by any traceable method once he has been explicitly told not to. I suspect you may find that you are still contacted by him in some unprovable way, like 'coincidentally' bumping into him.

Yes, that convo on moving closer so you could get a bigger place was so he would have more space in your home.

Also he fully intended to spend last night at yours. Today and likely tomorrow, so the fact you said no pissed him off, he felt he was entitled to be there, so fronted up early to get into the property. And acted as he did because he wanted in.

Honestly keep this one blocked. He's s cock lodger. If he was only back at his parents because of a break up he'd be discussing plans to move out.

That's where he lives, unless some woman gives him her home.

OMG he is a loser!