To have blocked the CF?

[Sparklfairy]

I've been seeing a guy for about 4 months. He works a 'normal' job and I work from home, freelance, long and anti social hours. It's not uncommon for me to work overnight, sleep pattern all over the place etc. I've had to put my foot down before with regards to him assuming that because I work for myself that I can have time off whenever I he want(s).

He was supposed to come over last night, but I cancelled due to running late on a work deadline. Said we could do something today in the day. It was left that he would call me in the morning and jokes were made about me likely being dead asleep if it was early and not hearing it etc.

At 6.30 this morning I woke to my phone buzzing. I saw it was him and ignored it, as had only got to bed a couple of hours before.

Then my doorbell buzzed.

I was annoyed that he just rocked up at my house (15 miles from his) at 6.30am with no prior warning. My phone kept ringing so I decided to ignore it. He continued to ring the doorbell, long sustained buzzing 10-12 seconds.

I keep my window which faces the road open most of the time (first floor flat). He shouted through the window "ALEXA! TURN BEDROOM LIGHT ON!" which of course she did. Okay, annoying but maybe, just maybe he was kidding around and didn't think it would work.

Then he shouts, "ALEXA! SET ALARM FOR FIVE MINUTES"

I lost it then. I went to the window, said, 'Well you can fuck off', slammed it shut and locked it.

He then continued to ring me and buzz my doorbell until I threatened to call the police. He then resorted to just yelling up at me from the street

I'm so utterly bewildered that he thinks any of this is normal!? I've blocked him and very firmly told him to fuck off. He's texted saying that I said he could come round (not at 6.30 unannounced I fucking didn't) and if I was clearly asleep why did he think it was okay to force me to wake up? What the fuck.

I've blocked him and never want to speak to him again (but of course am still furious so don't know if it's that). Starting to think maybe I was too harsh...?

Yet another reason to not get Alexa

[Misses point of thread]

@messolini9 he was the first one I dated who actually had an alexa device and I most likely wouldn't date anyone who had one in future.

To answer a PP, the people voting YABU probably don't believe the Alexa story.

He could have wanted a cuddle in the morning (my bf comes over after a night shift - when I'm sleeping just to cuddle for a few hours or we'd hardly see each other) or to make you breakfast or anything really. You wouldn't know as you didn't ask him, your refusal made him increasingly desperate and crazy.

Her refusal did not make him desperate and crazy. If he reacts to a refusal in such an outrageous manner he already is desperate and crazy.

Also I don't understand why these posters who wouldn't mind their boyfriend showing up at this time in the morning can't grasp the fact that the OP did not want this and they had made arrangements about the day in questions. The bf was supposed to phone in the morning to see about doing something that day. That did not mean phone at 6.30 while stood outside the front door and then go apeshit because the OP was trying to sleep.
He's not respecting OP's boundaries. And it sounds like it's not the first time though this was a more extreme incident.
If other posters have different boundaries that's fine but don't apply your own boundaries to someone else.

JFC, trawling through someone's past threads to try to shame and blame them is not only poor form but also stalkerish AF. Think your ex found your thread, Sparkle

PatellarTendonitis did cross my mind!

I liked him a lot and keep thinking my reaction has maybe given him a kick up the arse and maybe we can move forward. Then I remember (thanks to this thread) that it wasn't an isolated incident and you can't change people and I don't want to spend my life "teaching" someone basic manners!

It's not even basic manners, he had not only NO respect for your boundaries but also actively sought to obliterate yours and foist on you his own.

As for clingy creeps who need to wake their OHs for bloody 'cuddles', cringe!

I expect even those clingy creeps agreed to the cuddle by prior arrangement. I doubt any of the DPs just turned up, attempted to smoke out their partner via technology and then was let in because they wouldn't stop yelling in the street.

Was he drunk ?
Although it's the only possible excuse for such oddball behaviour, it's still not ok. Who wants a controlling b/f who gets so pissed he "can't help himself" & feels that's ok because his wishes trump yours?
And let's hope he wasn't pissed - he'd driven 15 miles to get to OP's.

I think it sounds funny if you really liked him that much you’d of seen the funny side and let him in gone back to bed together
Please go back & read PP's who state exactly how & why this isn't funny, & learn from it. Really. Not because I'm looking to scold or one-up you - but because if you genuinely don't understand why it's not fucking funny, you need to educate yourself so it doesn't happen to you.
Also try to remember that this is not an isolated incident - it was part of a pattern of behaviour that points to some seriously unpleasant potential for abuse escalation.

I’d still be annoyed but wouldn’t block him for it if i really liked him
You'd be functioning on stronger footing if, instead of wondering whether you liked him enough to put up with his actions, you spent a lot of time wondering if you disliked his actions enough to put up with him.

Not trying to sound bizarre. Is there not a chance he didn’t appreciate you were up until 4am on a Saturday morning working?

I think PP is bang on the money here, altho' sadly perhaps not intentionally.

He "didn't appreciate it" in the same way your parents "didn't appreciate" you making a racket early in the morning. i.e. he knew it was happening, was pissed off about it, & decided to make OP 'behave properly'.

Can you not see how sinister it is that he knew damn well that OP was going to be working nearly all night - because SHE TOLD HIM SO, that he agreed with her that he would not come round without phoning because she would be needing sleep ... but then decided it was ok to completely disregard the agreement he had just made with his g/f?

And then get so shitty about it the only way to remove the angry shouting man from OP's front door was to tell him the cops would be called?

Do you still want to make excuses for him, or would that not scare you a bit if it happened to you @BettyAll1?

Do you appease your b/f in case he kicks off like OP's b/f did?
Or is he a decent geezer who would never do this to you?

And let's hope he wasn't pissed - he'd driven 15 miles to get to OP's.

And especially as she said that he's teetotal.

On another note- I've just tried to get Alexa to make me a coffee too. Lazy sod said exactly same as yours! I guess "let crazy boyfriends give you irrational commands" is an in built setting...

@Chesntoots ha! - Sing it, sister

@DeTwamps fucking HELL mate congratulations on a handy escape

Despicable behaviour and an omen of things to come. Yup.

On what planet, unless previously arranged or the norm after night shift, is it ok to turn up to someones home at 630AM and purposely wake them knowing they're likely asleep and not expecting you.

@Itsalready I have been reading some PP's in despair, & can only guess that it's ok on "Planet Twilight" or "Planet Love Actually".
You know - those planets where creepy guys are celebrated for taking over women's lives & the woman is portrayed as all dizzily gratefully overwhelmed by it ...

Completely missing the point, but you this bean to coffee maker that you can use Alexa to start for you.

I think completely ignoring someone you've dated for 5 months, rather than just go down and tell them you never want to see them again, is rude.

Funny how you DON'T think completely ignoring an agreement you have made with someone not to wake them up after their night shift is rude @JurassicParkaha

Heavens forfend any woman have the temerity to "be rude" to a man who only wants them to abandon their needs in deference to accommodating his wants, huh?

The fucking handmaidens are out in force, I cannot understand their desire to not only appease toxic masculinity, but to scold women who have the guts to challenge it.
"Rude" - my arse.

It IS possible to end relationships without blocking

It's also possible to conduct them without stalkery behaviour, boundary-testing, rude & unwarranted sleep-interruption, ignoring the other person's needs & shouting in the street @JurassicParkaha.

In the event that one party does not seem to know these simple facts of grown-up life, blocking is exactly what's necessary. Ask any expert therapist specialising in helping women escape & recover from coercive control. They know more than you do. HTH.

I think completely ignoring someone you've dated for 5 months, rather than just go down and tell them you never want to see them again, is rude

Clearly, youve never dated someone who seemed nice at first then gradually started letting their crazy out. There are times when you have no choice but to block someone because they get threatening or aggressive when you try to let them down gently.

The OP told the guy not to contact her again.
Nothing else is necessary.

Yeah, it is not about basic manners OP, he just disrespected you and your boundaries and then on top of it acted totally crazy. Anyone you feel the need to threaten to call police on just to get them away from your door is not someone you want to let back in your life, ever.

For those of you saying that it's entirely okay for this guy to come round at 6.30am and that OP should have let him in "for a cuddle" I have to ask what your reaction would be if your DP leaned on your doorbell at 2am (for no other reason than he wanted to see you) would be. That's what the OP's ex effectively did, he disturbed her at her 2am. Now she ain't Mrs Doyle, waiting up all night, just in case someone wants a cup of tea.

I should be out of bed at 6.30am. I also look like crap at that time of the morning, so would be utterly horrified if my BFF (without a DP at the mo, so BFFis the closest) knocked at my door at 6.30am and saw me in that state. Even if he was taking me to work. Heavens, I sometimes blindfold the cat.

Absolutely no contribution to the thread whatsoever, but this made howl: 'Heavens, I sometimes blindfold the cat.'  Thanks for the laugh, @TheSecondMrsAshwell

He's nuts! Although that is a very funny story! If only you had emptied your chamberpot over his head!

This might have been a nice gesture if he had turned up much later in the morning and bought lovely food for brunch as a surprise for you but who the f**k turns up at 630am uninvited???
Lucky escape.

Not just unreasonable but also very scary. Sounds like a total nut job.