To have blocked the CF?

[Sparklfairy]

I've been seeing a guy for about 4 months. He works a 'normal' job and I work from home, freelance, long and anti social hours. It's not uncommon for me to work overnight, sleep pattern all over the place etc. I've had to put my foot down before with regards to him assuming that because I work for myself that I can have time off whenever I he want(s).

He was supposed to come over last night, but I cancelled due to running late on a work deadline. Said we could do something today in the day. It was left that he would call me in the morning and jokes were made about me likely being dead asleep if it was early and not hearing it etc.

At 6.30 this morning I woke to my phone buzzing. I saw it was him and ignored it, as had only got to bed a couple of hours before.

Then my doorbell buzzed.

I was annoyed that he just rocked up at my house (15 miles from his) at 6.30am with no prior warning. My phone kept ringing so I decided to ignore it. He continued to ring the doorbell, long sustained buzzing 10-12 seconds.

I keep my window which faces the road open most of the time (first floor flat). He shouted through the window "ALEXA! TURN BEDROOM LIGHT ON!" which of course she did. Okay, annoying but maybe, just maybe he was kidding around and didn't think it would work.

Then he shouts, "ALEXA! SET ALARM FOR FIVE MINUTES"

I lost it then. I went to the window, said, 'Well you can fuck off', slammed it shut and locked it.

He then continued to ring me and buzz my doorbell until I threatened to call the police. He then resorted to just yelling up at me from the street

I'm so utterly bewildered that he thinks any of this is normal!? I've blocked him and very firmly told him to fuck off. He's texted saying that I said he could come round (not at 6.30 unannounced I fucking didn't) and if I was clearly asleep why did he think it was okay to force me to wake up? What the fuck.

I've blocked him and never want to speak to him again (but of course am still furious so don't know if it's that). Starting to think maybe I was too harsh...?

your refusal made him increasingly desperate and crazy

🙄 Yet again a man does something shitty and someone rushes to blame the nearest woman.

Well done, OP.

It sounds like he is definitely more into you than you him. Sounds like he was disappointed and just wanted to see you.

However his actions were scary and he sounds a bit crazy!!

YADNBU

I also suspect you've dodged a prime Cockloger

Was he drunk ? I think it sounds funny if you really liked him that much you’d of seen the funny side and let him in gone back to bed together

And other apologists for controlling behaviour on here.

Can nobody read a thread?

It wasnt sweet nor funny nor him wanting to spend time with op. He doesnt give a flying fuck.about op.

He Knew op was working late into the night.
He knew he was supposed to phone her later in the day to arrange meeting up.
He decided he wasn't being told what was ok by the op and was out to.teach her that what He wanted was all that matters.

I cannot believe anyone reading all ops posts on his previous behaviour can continue to be blind to what his game is and try and justify it.
Op isnt responsible for his craziness he is. He has been trying to control her all along and has just upped his game and it backfired on him. (Thankfully)
Fuck me the bar is set so low in some people you need an excavator to dig it out.

@teastory I think completely ignoring someone you've dated for 5 months, rather than just go down and tell them you never want to see them again, is rude. Given the OP had a thread last year where she was upset that her DP had broken up with her over text and then blocked her, think she could have ended things more civilly.

There's a lot of assumptions here about why he came over and he deserved the chance to explain why, in person and be told why it was inappropriate and so relationship was over. Rather than be ignored completely and treated like a criminal and then blocked. It's just a brutal way to end things.

*4 months rather

He was behaving like a criminal... if that was a stranger the police would be called, why should her boyfriend be held to a lower standard? Her should want to treat her better than a stranger would. He’s already displayed controlling behaviour so combined with his antics this morning, no way would I have gone outside half asleep to tell him it was over while he was behaving like that!

*he should want to treat her

She already said the man doesn't drink, too.

And waking someone up.at 6.30 am on a saturday that you knew were going to be still asleep, by constantly ringing the door bell and phoning them with no good reason. Making a scene in the street and shouting even when told to.stop is what? Not rude but the act of a loving caring bf?
Give me a break!
He acted like a selfish controlling pratt and doesnt deserve a face to face chat. He didnt give two about op at 6.30am so why does he 'deserve' any consideration?
Where would that get op? More gaslighting, more "I did it because i love you" shit.

NO ONE deserves to be dealt with like a child when they demand entry to another person's home after being told NO.

@JurassicParkaha did you not read the OP fully? 6.30 am and he’s harassing her like some crazy lunatic? It’s weird, it’s scary, it’s controlling. He lost all right to be treated civilly. He didn’t exactly exhibit civil behaviour himself.

He was the one shouting the odds on the street at dawn while the OP was sleeping and she should have invited him in for a chat!!! Ffs I don't know what planet some people live on but where and under what circumstances is that ok. He had been told to stay away as she was working and didn't. You handled it perfectly. Now all you have to do is keep to what you said earlier.

he deserved the chance to explain why, in person and be told why it was inappropriate and so relationship was over

There’s no reason to bang on someone’s door at 6am bar the house on fire.
He’s a grown up and should know it’s inappropriate. No explanation needed.

Ha ha I’m told! In no way do I think his behaviour is OK but as a stand-alone event I’d assume he was more strange than sinister. I hope for OP’s sake this is the last she hears from him.

Some people seem really determined to try and explain away and excuse this twat's behaviour.

Given that he knew the OP had been working, AND that they had an agreement that they would chat later on to arrange meeting up, there was absolutely no reason whatsoever for him to rock up at 6:30 trying to wake the OP up and be let in.

And when you look at the rest of his behaviour, as described by OP, then no, I don't agree he deserved a sweet and fluffy face to face dumping.

@catsandchardonnay I also read the part where he joked the day before that if she were dead asleep she wouldn't hear him ring. Why can't it be that he buzzed repeatedly because he got no response and thought she hadn't heard? And after driving 15 miles wanted some response. If so, yes he clearly doesn't understand boundaries but to accuse him of being a controlling maniac is over cooked IMO.

Tbh this is why people ghost, dump by text, pack their bags and leave with no explanation. It doesn't matter a jot to me as I'm not dating anymore, just pointing out that dating can be rough and people can have different expectations so treat as you would like to be treated.

According to Invisible Women voice recognition works better on male voices than female because of how they were initially trained by predominantly male programmers and the tendency to default to male as the norm.

Men perform best at cognitive tasks in cooler conditions, research reveals, but women show increased mental dexterity in warmer environments.

There is ample evidence that office environments are tuned to male biology. Air conditioning is often set according to a 1960s formula based on the metabolism of a 40-year-old man who weighs 11st. Previous studies had suggested that the average woman was most comfortable at about 25C, 3C higher than for men.

I wfh, keep non 9-5 hours, and often fellwalk with a friend who is a medic. Yes people in healthcare often do not work strictly 9-5, M-F. If he told me he was working the night shift but to ring him later in the day (which I'd clarify but would take to mean past 1pm) to perhaps hook up for a walk (in Summer the days are a lot longer), would I drive to his house at 6.30 and do what the OP's guy she was dating did? No, of course not. So think, if you wouldn't mete out such treatment to a friend, or put up with it/find it bloody funny/explain it away, why is it acceptable to do someone you've been dating for a few months? Or put up with it?

A worrying amount of doormats on this thread. There is a reason men like this behave in this way - they always manage to find someone who’ll put up with their obsessive control. Well done OP - you did the right thing I’d have bloody killed the bastard

Why can't it be that he buzzed repeatedly because he got no response and thought she hadn't heard? And after driving 15 miles wanted some response. If so, yes he clearly doesn't understand boundaries but to accuse him of being a controlling maniac is over cooked IMO.

Of course it isn't. There was no agreement that he'd rock up at that time, so turning up after driving 15 miles and expecting a response is controlling, especially when he knew that she'd been working late the night before so was almost certainly going to be asleep. It denotes that he feels his wants are more important than hers.

And I would bet, if OP comes back, that this bloke doesn't normally get up this early on a Saturday, so to be there at 6:30 am means he had to have got up about 5:30. That's really creepy and control freak behaviour, to have planned to disrupt OP when he knew she wouldn't want it. It's well past "clearly doesn't understand boundaries", because it wasn't something impulsive, he had to have planned it, eg setting an alarm.

Why can't it be that he buzzed repeatedly because he got no response and thought she hadn't heard? And after driving 15 miles wanted some response.

In what world is it at all reasonable to turn up on anyone's doorstep at 6:30am on a Saturday?! 15 miles is nothing, it's not like he trekked across the fucking Andes.

Doesn't matter if it was 6:30 am or 1pm.
That forced behaviour is madness!

Op isn't an elderly women who needed to me checked, he was pissed of from the night before and wasn't going to be made a mug of - simple!

4 months and this guy thinks he can come round and act like this. Too many women have allowed this behaviour from him before.

I would've thrown a bottle/ glass of water over him and told him to fuck off, feckin plonker.

53PatellarTendonitis

Can you post the link to the thread please?