To never clean my house

[DramasticChanges]

I know everyone hates cleaning but I loathe cleaning. Every bit of my body prickles when I think about trying to do housework, I don't know where to start, I feel like what's the point with two under fives?
We have guests coming over tomorrow so I'm going to have to clean today. I just can't face it. The house feels too messy, like a lost cause. Usually dp cleans on his days off whilst I take the kids out for the day but he's working. I don't think I've cleaned in about six months (apart from washing up and laundry.)
The irony is that I used to be a domestic cleaner and I was really, really good, very thorough. It's different with my own house, there's too many other things I could be doing. Right now I want to leave and go watch the Chinese New Year parade in town and cancel our guests tomorrow. I know that's no way to live but that's how I feel.

No we can't afford a cleaner (and I don't feel it's fair given the shittiness of our house!)

OP your arrangement is totally fine!!!

You don't like cleaning, your DP doesn't mind it. You take greater load in other areas of family life. Everyone is happy.

Why do you feel guilty for not cleaning and like you should be doing it? Because you're female?

Do you honestly think the DPs of the female Mrs Hinch fans are sitting there feeling bad they do not clean their houses?!

It is honestly so incredibly gendered.

I must be the only dissenting voice on this thread because the DC's still remember going to see the Chinese New Year parade but they don't have any happy memories based on me keeping the house clean and tidy.
Can't you do both?

You don't have to tidy up if you don't want to, but you do have to clean the bathroom and the kitchen, and you do have to do the washing and the washing-up. Dusting/hoovering can pretty safely be left for quite long periods, to be honest.

Why do you all seem to think the OP is responsible for cleaning her house? Why is it not just fine that, in her household, her DP takes that responsibility? You seem to all be assuming that if she doesn't do it herself it must be a shit tip - didn't she say her DP does it?

What am I missing here?!

I hate cleaning too. We both just do it as you have to. If your DH is left at home cleaning though, he is missing all those day out trips. Is that fair on your dc/good for your marriage?

OP If you are out all weekend "having experiences" with the children, when do they poor wee souls get rest and relax in their own home ? If they are at scool most of the day and then out all weekend when do they get time to make a mess ? Children time to just be.

I hate cleaning but I still do it. I work full time and have alot of health issues. I clean as I go and I'll do a big clean once a week. DH does his part, he is in charge or the bins too. You sound a bit immature tbh.

As others has said, the cleaning needs to be done. I hate it cleaning, DH hates mess. He tidies and I clean because I love the end result.

In your position I would follow Mitzik’s plan. Then move forward with something like the Organised Mum Method. She has lots of videos on YouTube.

I don't think many people like it, but if the arrangement suits you both as you do more of the drop offs etc then meh. If the issue is that it gets messy, could you maybe do your bedroom and kitchen which presumably they don't run riot in?

I can't stand living in a cluttered shithole.

So I try and tidy and clean little and often, can't say I enjoy the process but I enjoy the results.
I have a touch of the ocd.

but they don't have any happy memories based on me keeping the house clean and tidy

This is nonsense. Children might not be actively aware that the fridge is clean or that their parents have vacuumed under the sofa, but living in a clean and pleasant environment is beneficial to them and plenty of adults grow up to be negatively affected by growing up in dirty, cluttered homes.

Seems fair to me if you do all of the school run, and DP does all the cleaning. Both big chores, and you’ve each chosen the chore that the other partner doesn’t like.
As long as it suits you both, what’s the problem? Your family life is much more important.
Have fun with DP and DC at Chinese new year celebrations!

It has to be done, unless you want to live in a shit pit.

I work from home, so when my wife goes to work, I crack the hoover out and do downstairs every day and upstairs every other day. Dusting downstairs every other day and upstairs is done on a Saturday.

My wife does the bathroom every morning as I'm severely immunocompromised, so it's not far off a sterile environment. I do the kitchen every morning while the youngest has his breakfast (eldest doesn't bother with breakfast).

To be fair, I'm a clean freak, but it really doesn't take that long to do. I'm usually logged in and working by 8:45

I don't think our house is a hovel as some are making out! My dp does a full house clean on Tuesdays and Sundays. That's ok but there's always times like today when Tuesday was quite a long time ago for a busy family of four and guests are coming tonight. I just have to get on with it, but I loathe it.
To the people saying that I shouldn't feel guilty as there are many men that don't clean as their dw/dp/Dm does it all. I guess I look down on those men, why don't they help more? So by that logic I should be the one helping out around the house. I also long for him to come on days out with us as he misses so much. That's our New Years resolution and will only really happen if I get over this petty hatred of all things Hinch and just crack on.

If you're out all the time, when does the mess happen?

Are you all untidy? Do you lack storage? Does your house need decorating/refurbing? All of those make it a hill to climb before you start cleaning.

Why don't you clean together and then take the DCs out together? There's be time for both then.

I hate cleaning too, I don’t have a dh to do it for me 😂.
I tend to clean on a Friday so then on Saturday I can leave the house with the dc’s and not worry about coming back to a mess. I also agree that going out and having experiences is more important when the kids are young. I try and keep downstairs clean ant tidy incase anyone visits, upstairs I have given up with and the dc’s are so messy and undo everything within a hour of me sorting their rooms out. I hoover once or twice a week and mop the kitchen floor maybe once a fortnight.

but they don't have any happy memories based on me keeping the house clean and tidy

I have a very clear memory of always feeling sick in my Aunt's house because it was disgusting. There was nowhere to sit and I can remember watching her brush food onto the kitchen floor as she was making a sandwich one day. The place was full of mice. I'm 53 and can still remember the smell of that house.

I also long for him to come on days out with us as he misses so much.

I can understand that, but if he's quite happy doing the cleaning, he's more than likely ok with the arrangement. To be honest, I don't mind doing it, I can take great pleasure from looking at the end result. I must be weird!!

I don't think our house is a hovel as some are making out!

To be fair OP, you've given that impression yourself by saying you 'never clean' and haven't cleaned your house for 6 months. What do you actually mean then? @DramasticChanges

Thelnebriati says her DCs still remember going to the Chinese new year parade. Wonderful memories. Do this for your DCs. Your visitors won’t die if the house us untidy, and your kids may have exciting stories to tell them.

Have to say I agree with your partner. I'd much rather spend the day cleaning than at soft play with loads of screeching kids. I don't particularly like cleaning either 😂

I have a very clear memory of always feeling sick in my Aunt's house because it was disgusting

Yup! Same with my nans house bless her. I never wanted to drink tea there as the cups were all gross and stained and everything had a layer of dust on it and the floor was always sticky. You might not appreciate everything being clean as a kid but you CERTAINLY remember grubby houses and how they smell and how you felt when you were in them and its not pleasant

Why do you all seem to think the OP is responsible for cleaning her house?

because she is. Even if a job is normally done by one partner, it's up to the other adult to take over when needed - and her DH is unavailable today.

If the system was working perfectly, there would be no thread, would it.

If the DH was in charge of cooking, but away this weekend. Would you query that it's now up to the OP to feed the kids?

It doesn't matter who is usually in charge of a chore or another, but it's ridiculous that the other adult doesn't pick up the work when needed.

but they don't have any happy memories based on me keeping the house clean and tidy

It's not true, no one fondly remembers frantically looking for their stuff around the house, running late because of it, and getting in trouble because they forgot or couldn't find something needed at school.
No one fondly remembers being unable to play because the floor was too full of mess, no one fondly remembers broken toys because no one could be bothered to put them away properly.

@AlaskaElfForGin I said I personally haven't cleaned the house in six months. I did say that my dp did on his days off.