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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To never clean my house

137 replies

DramasticChanges · 25/01/2020 10:52

I know everyone hates cleaning but I loathe cleaning. Every bit of my body prickles when I think about trying to do housework, I don't know where to start, I feel like what's the point with two under fives?
We have guests coming over tomorrow so I'm going to have to clean today. I just can't face it. The house feels too messy, like a lost cause. Usually dp cleans on his days off whilst I take the kids out for the day but he's working. I don't think I've cleaned in about six months (apart from washing up and laundry.)
The irony is that I used to be a domestic cleaner and I was really, really good, very thorough. It's different with my own house, there's too many other things I could be doing. Right now I want to leave and go watch the Chinese New Year parade in town and cancel our guests tomorrow. I know that's no way to live but that's how I feel.

No we can't afford a cleaner (and I don't feel it's fair given the shittiness of our house!)

OP posts:
formerbabe · 25/01/2020 11:11

Anyway, try to tackle in stages.

First stage...get a binbag, go from room to room and get rid of any rubbish.

yellowallpaper · 25/01/2020 11:12

You have to clean. It's part of being a parent and part of being a couple. Horrible I agree, but it has to be done.

Get a rota arranged. Do one job a day, maximum 30 minutes. Get lots of good storage. Be strict with the DCs. No new toys out unless the others are put away. This also applies to the adults. Tidy away after yourselves.

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/01/2020 11:12

It’s too late for today but you need less stuff. Easier said than done with little ones but we could all use less tat around the house.

Your children deserve a clean tidy home and your DP deserves to be in a fair partnership where both adults in the house pitch in.

Few people actually like cleaning, I’m deeply suspicious of the ones that do tbh, but it’s part of adult life and you can’t simply opt out. It’s not fair. I also detest soft play but we both do our bit around the house so our kids don’t live in a shit tip and neither of us has to do it all.

CapnSquirrel · 25/01/2020 11:13

dp says staying and cleaner is easier than a day at so I'm with your DP! I'd happily offload my children in favour of scrubbing Grin

OhNoMyCheds · 25/01/2020 11:13

I hate cleaning, too.

I divide everything up in 20 minute chunks to see how much I get done. I set the cooker timer or an alarm on my phone.

GrannyBags · 25/01/2020 11:13

I agree with a pp about clutter - we recently cleared out my son’s playroom and turned it into a games room. It looks fab, but all the toys that didn’t fit in there got moved into the guest room and are now in our room as we have guests! We need to be ruthless and have a few trips to the charity shop I think.

DramasticChanges · 25/01/2020 11:14

I have offered loads of times if dp minds but he says he likes it, he puts his music on and does it quick enough to allow for a bit of call of duty at the end!
I might even enjoy it if I had the place to myself. But right now I'm trying to clean the bathroom and I can hear the crash of a box of Sylvanian Families hit the floor. There's fancy dress costumes all over my dd's room from a play date last night. Wine from my boozy girls night on the side, dishes, washing, bloody bloody hoovering argh!

OP posts:
MitziK · 25/01/2020 11:16

For the guests, shove things in bin bags and stash them out of the way in a bedroom so they don't see them. Push the vacuum cleaner about and that'll do.

On Monday, you can do something to start getting the crap out so you feel better.

Sort the bathroom so it's just got what you need in there - bubblebath, soap, a few clean bath toys, toothbrushes, toothpaste and bog roll. You don't need ten thousand dusty bottles of things and rubber ducks that are mouldy inside. Bin everything else.

After a cuppa, clean the room. Make it gleam.

That's your lot for morning.

Then in the afternoon, do your bedroom. Open the windows. Strip the bed, vacuum it, put fresh linen on. Have a cuppa. After that, wipe the windowsills.

If there is stuff on the floor, scoop it all up and bin anything not perfect. Vacuum the floor.

Assuming that your DH has handled the kitchen, you've now got somewhere to prepare food, somewhere to get clean and somewhere nicer to sleep.

Just keep those three rooms OK for Tuesday and Wednesday, go out, even if it's raining, each morning. On Thursday, do a corner of the living room. Do a bit on Friday.

It's different to cleaning professionally - for that, usually the place is already tidy and you are completely undisturbed by Muuuuuuummmmmyyyyyyyyy. You'll have a set number of hours, too, so it doesn't feel endless - it's just two hours and you stop. Try that by doing no more than two hours before a proper break, fifteen or thirty minutes before you stop and have a cuppa.

Seems like you're at home by yourself with toddlers/babies. How long until the eldest gets preschool/nursery sessions? It'll improve once you get out every day for drop off and pickup, as being outside is good for you mentally.

You don't have to like it, but it's a lot more manageable in chunks like that. And I'm pretty sure you know it's not fair to expect your DH to do it all - it sounds like he isn't managing it completely, anyhow - help him out a bit.

Pop2017 · 25/01/2020 11:16

I have anxiety and actually find cleaning helps me. I find the amount of housework overwhelming at times and I’m always cleaning. I am pretty house proud. In fact I wish I could relax more and not worry about the house so much. I have two DC with additional needs and to be honest I find it much easier and quicker to keep on top of things compared to letting things go! I totally get how overwhelming everything is though. It’s laundry for me. I keep the house pretty clean but I find keeping on top of washing exhausting. I have to do a load every day to keep on top of it and also white washes, towels Etc too.

Yourself and your Oh need to share the chores.

Also, you will be amazed how much you can get done if you put your mind to it. Maybe aim to deep clean one room per week or something??

Also, do not write lists on what you need to do. Cleaning lists aren’t for me as I look at them and find them overwhelming.

What I do is write down all the cleaning tasks I’ve done after I do them. So at the end of the week when I feel like I’ve not achieved much, I can see what I’ve actually achieved compared to looking at a list which I might not have completed. If that makes any sense ^^

Mumdiva99 · 25/01/2020 11:17

I'm with you. I'd rather be out than cleaning..... that's why it's great to have visitors....you have to do it. Now get off mumsnet and get on with it!! You'll be pleased tonight when you flop on the sofa in the lovely clean house.

DramasticChanges · 25/01/2020 11:18

Off to clean, thanks ladies!! I can do it

OP posts:
SharpieInThe · 25/01/2020 11:21

Don't fret about toys on the floor. No one ever went into a friends house and took the vapours because the children had toys out!

Second a PP saying good storage though, half the job done with proper storage.

JosefKeller · 25/01/2020 11:22

you need a dishwasher. Run it last thing every evening, empty first thing in the morning, another load a lunch time if you do need it. Means never have dirty dishes cluttering the kitchen.

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/01/2020 11:22

Yes you can! Set short achievable tasks. Focus on the visible bits. Ignore the sylvanian carnage, kids make mess, who cares.

Tomorrow, grab a roll of bin bags, big pile of unused stuff to the chazza, chuck anything that’s broken, keep back stuff that’s used occasionally that the DC will forget about for now but might want in the future - only if you have space to store it.

Be ruthless. Remember everything you get rid of is something you won’t have to move or clean around next time.

AmelieTaylor · 25/01/2020 11:23

Jesus, another thread displaying the lack of comprehension skills of many posters. Unless they just think a house cleaned by a man can’t possibly be clean?

@DramasticChanges. I understand that it feels ‘pointless’ when small people (and some big ones) mess it up in minutes! & that you’d rather be ‘doing something with the kids’ and it is easier (when they’re so small) to do it when they’re out of the house.

Just check with DH that he’s still happy for you to taje them out if the house while he cleans, then when they’re a bit older consider changing this. Bits good for kids to see both parents as ‘fun’ & both parents as ‘responsible’ as well as learning how to clean a house. (Not just each job, but the overall task).

As for this weekend , what time is the parade & what time are your guests arriving tomorrow?

Forestwitch · 25/01/2020 11:23

OP, I know what you mean. I'm a domestic cleaner and it was something that I'd always done as my own parents never cleaned and even as a child I couldn't stand the mess anymore!
I'll spend hours making other peoples houses look immaculate, but when it comes to my own house, it feels overwhelming.
No idea why?
I do get on with it eventually (not a slattern), but it's the fact that I can see it getting dirty that gets me down.
The best cleans at my own house are the 'going away' clean.
Guaranteed to stay pristine Grin.
OP, only clean the places (for now), where the guests might venture.
No need to do everything.

Drabarni · 25/01/2020 11:24

Put some music on and have a dance around whilst doing it. A free workout at the same time.
I hate it too OP, and do as little as possible Grin life's too short and a bit of dust won't kill you.

JosefKeller · 25/01/2020 11:24

another thread displaying the lack of comprehension skills of many posters

care to elaborate, for those posters too thick to understand your brilliant mind? Grin

Changeembrace · 25/01/2020 11:27

You might as well tell me you have two heads for how relatable your post is to me!

MimiLaRue · 25/01/2020 11:27

No-one bloody enjoys cleaning but it has to be done. I think you really need to just suck it up and do it. There are always tedious, boring, crappy jobs in life that we have to do, you aren't unique in hating them- we all do but we do them. Unless you're happy with your house looking like a grubby mess, then stop thinking about it and just do it. I put headphones on and listen to music while i clean and that makes it slightly more bearable. C'mon now, be a grown up.

Changeembrace · 25/01/2020 11:29

To wake up and walk in to a dirty kitchen, messy lounge etc - doesn’t that just start your day off badly?

I am extreme but I love waking up and walking in to my kitchen and everything clean and ordered. Sets me up for the day.

I love that I know where everything is. Everything has a place. No clutter in any shape or form.

Once you get in to it, I’m sure it will have a positive domino effect on other areas of your life too

CakeandCustard28 · 25/01/2020 11:29

I know someone whose kids lived in dirt and mess as their mum hated cleaning and would rather sit on her bum on the sofa all day (probably no way as bad as your house though as it’s thick grime and dirt) and her kids soon as they were 16 moved out as they couldn’t cope with it. As long as it’s not getting to that point then I don’t see the harm in leaving the house work for a few days. Smile Cancel the guests go enjoy Chinese New Year!

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 25/01/2020 11:29

What helped me was to have one thing that is non-negotiable. So I decided that I won't ever leave the kitchen without tidying and cleaning the long worksurface. Within a week or so, it became a habit and was just automatic. I found myself doing other little things in the kitchen so it looked even nicer. It's a long road but it's still working...

JKScot4 · 25/01/2020 11:30

A house can be messy but it should be clean.
“Experiences” then home to a manky house 🙄🙄

Changeembrace · 25/01/2020 11:31

My DD has loads of Sylvanians and I mean loads

The key is to have individual boxes for each “scenario”. Plus added benefit of making it much more enticing for children to play with Th as not rooting around looking the whole time. Plus easy to tidy away

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