Poorly baby and MIL visit, AIBU to keep them apart?

[TeenyQueen]

MIL invited herself to visit us this weekend. She visited us once previously when DD was a little newborn and that visit was stressful for me because MIL just wanted to hold DD constantly, regardless of whether I needed to feed her etc, and insisted on sitting right next to me when I did feed DD. In short she lacked some boundaries.

So MIL is visiting us again and DD has developed a nasty cold, she's snotty and struggling to breathe occasionally. Been checked by GP and told she just needs lots of sleep and feeding. DD is also due her second lot of vaccines on Monday so ideally she should be feeling normal by then.
AIBU asking MIL to keep a slight distance from DD i.e not cuddle her this weekend? She can still hang out with us and obviously spend time with DH but DD struggles to sleep at night and she's cranky during the day whilst she's poorly.
I should say that MIL sometimes lacks common sense, e.g. not washing hands before wanting to hold DD.

[Superduper13]

The baby should really be sleeping in the same room as you if it’s a newborn.
I’ve never known anyone to wash their hands before holding a baby.
Your dislike of your MIL Is clear and although she doesn’t sound like the easiest woman, you don’t seem to just allow her to be and find her own way with your baby. She doesn’t need constant guidance.

[Soffy]

And if you're MIL had really demanded a ticket in such a rude way,then I'm sure you would have said so in your first post. Seems to me that people can see through your game and so you're trying to paint MIL in a worse light to justify being an arse to her.

[Yesterdayforgotten]

'You sound precious OP.'

Alittle harsh when you dont know the background or how much sleep or support op has had.

[Yesterdayforgotten]

'I’ve never known anyone to wash their hands before holding a baby.'

Really?! That is very surprising seeing as how it's one of the most common practices in my area within the NHS. I've witnessed many health care professionals do this when making home visits and why should this not apply to a relative that has been travelling and been exposed to goodness knows what. Newborns that have not yet been vaccinated are so vulnerable, its unfortunate that the above view is held by some.

[Sugarplumfairy65]

You sound like you don't like your MIL very much?. If you wanted baby to have a good sleep, you should have put her somewhere other than the kitchen. Relax a bit and let grandma get to know baby. Go and have a nap before her next feed is due and let grandma and dad look after her for a while.

[saraclara]

I read the title and thought this was going to be about protecting MIL from the baby's germs.

You sound as though you have health anxiety. To be worried about your MIL being Chinese is frankly bizarre. Come on now. The virus isn't even in the country, and she's not been to China recently. She's not more of a risk than Mrs Whitey next door.

And there's absolutely no reason why she shouldn't cuddle the baby. I No matter how hard I try, I can't think of a reason for her not to. You seem determined to be difficult.

[londonrach]

Unless your mil is a smoker or got a cold or baby has a reduced immune system why she washing her hands before picking up your baby. Your baby needs this exposure to help her immune system develop. This is vvvvv important. Yabvvvu in this rule. Re your mil its your baby thats ill so surely its your mil who doesnt want the cold. Re the vaccine the nurse wont do it if your baby is ill so prepared to wait a week or so if thats the case.

[saoirse31]

You clearly dislike your mil and dont want her involved. It sounds as if you just sat there waiting to find a way of being offended.... not particularly nice.

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

She sounds thoughtless OP but YABU to make her wash her hands before holding DD (unless her hands are actually dirty or she's been doing a job like preparing uncooked meat etc). Hand washing before holding babies isn't common sense, it's health anxiety (unless they are actually dirty)

MIL appears to be visiting so you're going to have to have a plan with DH on how to deal with her overexcitement around DD especially at nap times.

Things that worked for us. Getting MIL to push DD in the buggy at nap time. We'd all go out for a walk and I was less concerned that DD was crying in the buggy because I was right there, she could hear my voice and TBH she probably would have been crying even if I was pushing the buggy. It made MIL feel like she was doing something. I'd also ask MIL if she wanted to change DD's nappy etc or I'd send her off to get PJs ready. Basically gave her jobs she could do. Not trying to excuse MIL's behaviour but you need a plan to cope with her.

[saraclara]

How old is the baby, OP?

[wineandtoastfortea]

Ridiculously over the top

[Yesterdayforgotten]

'Monkeynuts18
It’s not a ‘common sense’ thing to wash your hands before holding a baby.'

According to NHS guidelines it's reasonable to ask people to wash their hands before holding a newborn.

[greenlavender]

You showed her how to hold the baby...? I can just imagine trying to do that with my late MIL, who'd had 4 children & was on DGD10! Ridiculous.

[Yesterdayforgotten]

'Hand washing before holding babies isn't common sense, it's health anxiety (unless they are actually dirty)'

That's just it though, most of the dirt you can't see. Regular and effective hand hygiene is the single-most important thing you can do to protect yourself and others from infection.

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

Go help you if you ever have another child op
Dear god

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

And
Drip
Drip
Drip
I almost believe this is a piss take
But sadly I think it may be for real

[Yesterdayforgotten]

hobnobsaremyfave I hope you never go looking for help and support as a first time parent with a newborn and get some of the comments on here including yours...

[Yesterdayforgotten]

Just ignore them op; they're like dogs with bones. I hope you get the issues with your MIL sorted as I know how tricky family situations can be.

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

Op hasn't asked for help or advice
She came to bitch about her mother in law and expected mumsnetters to pat her on the back
Her poor mother in law

[saraclara]

According to NHS guidelines it's reasonable to ask people to wash their hands before holding a newborn.

The baby isn't a newborn. It was a newborn last time the MIL came to stay. Not now.

[nachthexe]

If you were on edge every time MIL had a cuddle, baby would have sensed that and started crying. MIL didn’t ever have a chance, really, did she? No wonder she did that age old trick of trying to wake the baby so she could have a last cuddle before she left- she knew damned well that the guards wouldn’t let her cuddle the baby when sleeping, and she wouldn’t get another chance to bond for at least 3 months. No wonder she hasn’t got a clue what baby likes - she isn’t allowed to see or touch her.
Bonding with grandparents is more important than being precious about colds. It’s going to be a looooong childhood if you refuse help every time there is a sniffle. Or the potential of a sniffle because of a virus in Asia.

[Disfordarkchocolate]

Dear lord the poor woman, you do know she raised a baby to a healthy adult, don't you?

Babies can be stressful and hard work but it's just a cold, she will get loads.

[StoneColdSaidSo]

Agree with other, you’re looking for a reason to moan about her. Just let her be ffs. She has children, she knows what to do. So what if your baby cries for a few mins with her? Let her sort it out and find her feet. You just want to micromanage her. Maybe she is annoying but it doesn’t sound like she’s doing it deliberately. You, on the other hand, are going out of your way to find fault with her.

[MyuMe]

Eh?

These posts are weird. My sister let me hold her 5 week old baby who had been in a&e the night before with a temperature etc.

I offered to cancel but sis says no don't worry she's been given the all clear.

I sat and held poorly baby and she is now a robust 6 yo.

She has a cold. She isn't going to break. But if you really don't want Mil over then make excuses.

[Cantwaitforsummer2020]

Posters on here should be ashamed of themselves. Have none of you experienced or at least heard of Post Natal Anxiety???? Can you not be a little more supportive?

When my child was born I had visions of my baby being thrown out of high rise buildings, being run over, stabbed it was horrific. Almost reached a psychosis.

There are kinder ways of approaching these issues.
Although I must say, OP's MIL sounds horrible & selfish. What kind of nasty bastard wakes up a baby deliberately?!?