Poorly baby and MIL visit, AIBU to keep them apart?

[TeenyQueen]

MIL invited herself to visit us this weekend. She visited us once previously when DD was a little newborn and that visit was stressful for me because MIL just wanted to hold DD constantly, regardless of whether I needed to feed her etc, and insisted on sitting right next to me when I did feed DD. In short she lacked some boundaries.

So MIL is visiting us again and DD has developed a nasty cold, she's snotty and struggling to breathe occasionally. Been checked by GP and told she just needs lots of sleep and feeding. DD is also due her second lot of vaccines on Monday so ideally she should be feeling normal by then.
AIBU asking MIL to keep a slight distance from DD i.e not cuddle her this weekend? She can still hang out with us and obviously spend time with DH but DD struggles to sleep at night and she's cranky during the day whilst she's poorly.
I should say that MIL sometimes lacks common sense, e.g. not washing hands before wanting to hold DD.

[greenlavender]

Maybe that wasn't the best place for the baby

[Newbie1981]

Shouldn't you be keeping the baby's germs away from MIL, not other way around? It's not like they can catch a second cold so I have to say I think you're using this as an excuse/power tool. I'm all for a bit of MIL bashing, can't stand mine but I think you just don't like her and want an excuse to exert your power!

[LIZS]

It could just have easily been you or dh making noise to wake the baby.

[Berrymuch]

Why would you put the pram in the kitchen?

[Waiting1987]

You sound like an absolute brat. God forbid someone makes tea in the kitchen.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

Your poor MIL OP.

I hope your dh is over the top in making up to her in view of your low regard and lack of manners to her.

[Ineedcoffee2345]

Yea unreasonable. Second time meeting her gc and not aloud to hold her
Personally when my dc are sick I would like nothing more than an extra set of hands to help soothe baby give me a bit of a break

[sweeneytoddsrazor]

This is the 2nd time she has seen her in 12 weeks. She has made herself a cuppa instead of expecting you to do it for her and you sarcastically say theres your loving grandmother. I would say you are an unpleasant daughter in law.

[Redshoeblueshoe]

Why on earth would you put a baby in the kitchen to sleep ?
Your poor Mil, you really don't like her

[SimonJT]

Where else is she meant to boil the kettle?

[TeenyQueen]

You clearly didn't get my point. Mil was due to leave soon and hadn't set foot in the kitchen since lunch, all of a sudden she just must boil the kettle, bang kitchen cupboard and start opening food packets whilst DD is having her first nap of the day? You honestly think it's a coincidence? DH noticed that she was doing it on purpose and told her off, unfortunately DD had already been woken up by the noise. I've just spent the last 30 min trying to settle her down.

Yes DD was sleeping in the (large) kitchen because it's quite shaded and cool, plus she was away from noise coming from the living room to give her peace and quiet, whilst we could still hear here if she woke up, which she obviously did.

[sweeneytoddsrazor]

Calpol not carpool

I dunno a bit of karaoke might work better than calpol.

[Seaandsand83]

Did you let her hold the baby in the end OP??

[Ineedcoffee2345]

Oh god OP dramatic and over the top. I feel for MIL here not aloud to touch gc as she has a cold

[DesLynamsMoustache]

Yes I think there's anxiety underpinning this. My DD had a cold at about 9 weeks when my SIL and BIL came to visit for the first time, and I told them she had a cold just so they could choose to avoid her baby germs if they wanted. Of course they didn't and had plenty of cuddles! And I never even thought about them washing their hands before cuddling or touching her. It just wasn't on my radar.

If she was asleep in the kitchen, why didn't you just say to MIL not to go in there when she got up to go through?

[TabbyMumz]

If your baby is sick, the grandmother is currently at more risk of catching germs from her rather than the other way round.

[Nanny0gg]

All the answers were before your post!

How old is DD?

[fishonabicycle]

Do people actually wash their hands before they touch a baby? It would never occur to me at all. I have a son and a grandson (still alive despite my filthy unwashed hands).

[TeenyQueen]

MIL did hold the baby several times, or at least tried. We showed her how DD likes to be held but DD didn't like being held by MIL. Before you accuse me of deliberately sabotaging MIL's cuddles with DD, we tried it with me in the room and out of the room but she simply didn't like it and wouldn't settle for MIL. What were we supposed to do, let DD cry and cry so that MIL could hold her?

Yes I have a problem with MIL, that problem is that MIL doesn't seem to be able to judge what's best for DD but rather she thinks about what she herself wants to do, I.e. take a content sleeping baby from her mother's arms because she wants to hold her and doesn't want to wait until the baby is awake, playing loud music when the baby is having a nap in an attempt to wake her up, and now purposefully making noise to wake her up just before she's leaving? On her previous visit she tried to get into our room in the middle of the night whilst I was trying to feed and settle DD.

Yes we offered and made MIL cups of tea, DH made us a lovely dinner. We paid for her train tickets and believe it or not, we both made an effort to make her feel welcome. When I said she'd invited herself I meant it literally, she messaged DH to say she was coming on date X, buy me a train ticket. I've never stopped her from visiting us but I think it's up to DH to invite his own mother to visit if he'd like her to do so. I wouldn't expect him to communicate with my parents to arrange visits etc.

[fishonabicycle]

Ps babies have colds almost constantly until they are 3 years old! You need to get used to this being normal ...

[Yesterdayforgotten]

Unless baby has a fever they will still vaccinate as per NHS policy.

[Bigpaintinglittlepainting]

She sounds thoughtless and actually when you have a very young baby their immune system is comprised so illness like the corona virus (which is being spread all over the world by people travelling) is a concern

[Yesterdayforgotten]

When you have a young baby you dont need unhelpful guests you have to host. They need to be making their own cups of tea and generally make life easier not harder.

[Soffy]

You sound precious OP.

Babies sleep through all sorts so I cant see someone making tea would have woken her.

I bet your MIL has a different version of events. Poor woman.

[TeenyQueen]

If you read my later message you'd see that MIL did hold DD, DD just didn't like it so she'd burst out crying after a minute or so and wouldn't settle down again until DH or I took her back. We did give MIL time to try to soothe her, showed her what to do, it just didn't work.