AIBU to expect to be offered a drink?

[PurplePunk]

Just that really. Went over to MILs for a meal / drinks. I drove and was the only one not on alcoholic drinks.
AIBU to be slightly annoyed that I wasn’t offered a drink all night?! I don’t feel comfortable enough around MIL to help myself and was always taught it’s rude to outright ask!

Should you have been offered as everyone else was? Yes, but you could she asked or just helped yourself. Or told your husband to get something.

I find this bonkers. At my parents' we all just help ourselves to drinks, my DH included. Other people's family dynamics are weird

@SoupDragon Yes! Surely when they were offering drinks, they got to OP who presumably said 'no thank you' to wine. But why didn't she follow up with 'No thank you, I'll just have whatever' This whole thing is batshit. Families who can't speak to each other. Christ, even if my MiL was an absolute dragon and I honestly couldn't dream of asking her, I would just whisper to DH and ask him to sort it.

This is just weird and a non issue. Just ask for a drink or get yourself one. They probably feel you're part of the family so don't need to be treated like royalty. No idea why you'd post on here and not just either get yourself a drink then forget about it, or ask your husband to get you a drink and then forget about it.

@DDIJ do you partake in amateur dramatics? Jeez such drama jumping up, bursting into the kitchen!

Please don't pass your family dynamics to the next generation, they're very extreme!

clappy I have a tendency to massively overthink some things and underthink others. Guidance on appropriate topics for each category probably does me good overall

You may not just have water because you feel like it or are thirsty. If wine is not being served, which it usually is not, you drink nothing. Not my rules.
Your mum's rules are ridiculous and controlling.

Yeah sorry @DDIJ That's just dysfunctional and controlling, nothing to do with rules. Sorry you had an upbringing like that.

@DDIJ This is clearly an abusive situation and I urge you to get help.

Not normal in any way.

@DDIJ do you think you could start a thread in relationships? Just to start.

Your a grown woman, why didn’t you just ask for a drink? So weird an adult didn’t do this.

If it was a strangers house I might understand but this was your mil.

What’s with all the posters saying DH should of asked? Why is op a s5upid little woman without a voice?

What’s with all the posters saying DH should of asked

I think people were saying if OP wasn't comfortable asking her MIL, she (OP) should have said it to her husband and then her husband should have organised a drink for her ie gone and got her a glass of water or a soft drink from somewhere if it were available.

was always taught it’s rude to outright ask

If you had a child in your house who was thirsty would you prefer they were "polite" and sat there saying nothing, or would you like them to politely ask you for a drink of water?

My Friend called for her dinner one Friday night. We had a lovely time I made her a two course meal and provided lots of wine. She even took a doggy bag home for her husband.

She left her purse in mine and asked me to drive it over to her the next day. I called to her house and her DP opened the door and told me to go on into the kitchen as she was their with a mutual Friend.

While I was in the kitchen she made herself and the mutual friend a cuppa and a slice of the most delicious looking cheesecake I'd ever seen and didn't offer me so much of a glass of water or a thank you.

I really couldn't believe the rudeness of it. But I honestly think she wouldn't see it that way.

@DDIJ please accept my genuine apology, I was unnecessarily harsh having read your update. Please do not let your mother define how you are now, consider some counselling I think it would help you.

Take care

All the posters who think the OP has a DH problem, try this:

We've just got back from my wife's parent's house. I feel annoyed and upset that no one offered me a drink. I didn't want to ask my mother in law for a drink myself. AIBU?

Would posters be saying it was the DW's fault for not sorting it all out for him? No way. In MN tradition, he would be labeled a pathetic manchild.

Trying to blame the attendant man for stuff just doesn't work sometimes, and does no one any favors.

@NeckPainChairSearch yeah I would say why didn't your DW sort it out actually! One of those rare MN posters who thinks it works both ways, that's what I am!

A sweet, long-suffering smile and an, "Is it alright if I fetch myself a glass of water from the kitchen tap?" should elicit the desired response.

If not, don't go again!

One of those rare MN posters who thinks it works both ways, that's what I am

That's my point - I agree, it should work both ways.

However, I struggle to imagine a thread where the consensus of opinion was that the DW should instinctively realize that their DH was thirsty, needed a drink but inexplicably wanted to sit suffering instead of just doing something about it.

This used to happen at my in laws' house!

When I was young and shy I also found it hard to ask. I learned eventually though - it was either that or be thirsty.

@BlueChangeling wow that is rude! I hope you don’t let her call in for dinner again the CF!

This is so strange.

It seems I may have been mortally offending my hosts all my life by asking for the occasional drink when I got thirsty.

If I have visitors, I much prefer them to feel sufficiently comfortable to pipe up if they want something, not sit there suffering from ever worsening thirst.

Why wouldn't you just have gone to the kitchen and got yourself a glass of water? It's not rude, it's saving the host some bother even! I'd have just done that but maybe MIL and I are a little more familiar after 13 years of being family.

This whole thing is very silly.