AIBU to expect to be offered a drink?

[PurplePunk]

Just that really. Went over to MILs for a meal / drinks. I drove and was the only one not on alcoholic drinks.
AIBU to be slightly annoyed that I wasn’t offered a drink all night?! I don’t feel comfortable enough around MIL to help myself and was always taught it’s rude to outright ask!

It's more likely an oversight than rudeness or exclusion, and would have been easily sorted if you'd said something. It sounds like you are looking for reasons to be annoyed.

Ask in future, it really isn’t rude.

Grow up. If you want/need something ask for it, if you really are that spineless ask your DH. DIL often doesn't drink alcohol, I always try and make sure I specifically get her a drink as everyone else usually just helps themselves to the wine on the table and if I see her with an empty glass I will offer a refill but if I am chasing around I will say "help yourself if you want anything" even though I would hope she doesn't need to be told. She is family.

Yeah she should have offered but you could have asked as well op. Silly to be thirsty all night when you can just use your words and ask for a drink

I invited my parents to dinner last Sunday. It was only when we were actually eating I realised I hadn't done any drinks at all. I didn't want to get up and sort them then as the food had been dished out - but if they'd asked of course I would have. Or they could have helped themselves. No one minds someone asking.

I'd expect to be offered a refreshment if I visited someone's home as it's common courtesy. If it wasn't forthcoming then I'd ask for one.

Put your big girl pants and stop being so precious. If your thirsty, ask for a drink!
It was your MIL not an acquaintance, if she was cooking she maybe forgot or assumes you'll feel comfortable making your own seeing as your family.

You can’t ask the mother of the man you married “hey Gwen, can I get a glass of water” to which she would likely say “sorry purple, help yourself there’s a, b and c in the fridge”

It's taken nearly 10 bloody years for my inlaws to get me some diet coke on hand when we go as I don't drink alcohol.

Don't be such a wet blanket. You could easily have asked instead of sitting there thirsty with the hump! I would not stand on ceremony at my MILs house.

OMG, just ask for one, rather than sitting there being annoyed about it.

Is there a FIL too, or is this type of thing women’s work so MIL gets all the blame? Why didn’t you ask, that’s stupid to sit there and say nothing, you’re an adult not a 6 year old. Or if you want someone else to blame what about your DH, if he knows you’re not capable of speaking up for yourself why didn’t he get you one?

Stop being a mate yer and stop "I was told it was rude to ask outright" rubbish! But at least you've got something to moan about your MIL about? I can hear it now "she didn't even offer me a drink"!

Also what's wrong with your DH sorting you a drink?

Ridiculous behaviour for an adult!

Who taught you that it's rude to ask? It isn't.

There might be circumstances where you'd be reluctant to ask and try to hold out, but that's around strangers and first time visits etc. Not family.

Blame your upbringing, not your MIL.

And don't do the same to any children that you have. Teach them to ask for what they need.

I'm surprised at so many people saying they wouldn't feel rude asking. Surely there is no way to make that request without also (silently) saying "Your hospitality is sufficiently shit that I've had to fend for myself"? I'd be worried that they'd be angry at me for making their lack of attention obvious, and that it would then be considered my fault for saying anything.

Ooh, this happens to me all the time. I get offered soft drinks throughout the evening but only the men are brought beers. Sometimes I sit there with my squash quietly getting annoyed, but sometimes I get brave and ask for a glass of wine or something. It's just a bit awkward, but I'm socially awkward so that's probably why. Although they seem to be a bit old fashioned with these things, as when it's a larger gathering it's still only men who are offered beers or cider, and women are given small glasses of wine. I asked for a beer once and everyone looked at me like I had two heads.

Sounds like an oversight on their part. It isn’t rude to ask.

I had this situation last week at my in-laws. I just said in a joke stroppy way "Oh right, I'll get my own drink then". Everyone laughed and FIL jumped from his seat to get me one saying "how very remiss of me!" It was funny. I can't believe you just sat there.

How odd. I can't imagine just sitting there is a state of thirst, and not asking for a drink You're a grown up and not a child. And she's your MIL, not a stranger in the street

It is bad etiquette of your MIL not to offer. However, in your shoes I would have expected DH to notice and if he didn't I would have said something myself.

But I don't think you deserve some of the vitriolic comments on here, OP.

Here

Really shocked nowadays at how bullying other MNetters can seem sometimes!

Rude to ask at a family members house? My sil recently got stroppy as she hadn’t been offered a drink at my house, we had a dinner to cook for several people and DC to sort out and whilst I felt bad for the oversight I also was annoyed that she made such a fuss when it would have been much easier just for her to ask

So is this going to be one of 'those' threads. OP has to get permission from her DH for a drink or not allowed to ask herself

Or indeed just too precious!

YABU! You should have just asked.