AIBU to expect to be offered a drink?

[PurplePunk]

Just that really. Went over to MILs for a meal / drinks. I drove and was the only one not on alcoholic drinks.
AIBU to be slightly annoyed that I wasn’t offered a drink all night?! I don’t feel comfortable enough around MIL to help myself and was always taught it’s rude to outright ask!

@highlandcoo and your husband chose not to say anything? And you just accepted that? Seriously?

I don't sense that Princess Anne would have any issue asking for anything ever. She seems the type that would have a round of tea on the go for everyone as soon as she came in

True, and I doubt the queen would be offended by her asking for a glass of water either.

GiveHerHell

No, of course not. I totally challenged her. I spent a lot of time doing that over all sorts of issues over many years.

We had a lot of interesting discussions.

I've never had to argue with anyone else over a cup of boiling water before. The woman was crazy.

AIBU to be slightly annoyed that I wasn’t offered a drink all night?

Who are you annoyed with?

Oh that's ok @highlandcoo - I got really angry reading your post and it sounded like you just waited when she told you to. I apologise for assuming and sorry your MIL is a knob!

I don’t feel comfortable enough around MIL to help myself and was always taught it’s rude to outright ask!

It isn't rude to ask at all. It would be rude to say 'oi MIL, get that bloody kettle on I'm parched' but not to say 'would it be possible to have a glass of water please' 🤷🏻‍♀️ I am also baffled that people can't in MIL's (or good friends houses) help themselves to a glass of water of say 'I'm going to put the kettle on, anyone else want a cup of tea'.

Is it an extreme form of people pleasing or is MIL really odd and ridiculously easily offended by everything?

DDIJ If you won't ask for water, your mum won't offer it nor will you help yourself, how do you stay hydrated?

I'm assuming you are offered tea/coffee/soft drink, etc, but let's imagine you just wanted water - surely what's rude is not ensuring that your guest is comfortable and adequately refreshed regardless of the form it takes? Water is a basic biological need, after all!

That said, I remember visits to my MIL's and asking my husband to bring me a glass of water as I didn't like hot drinks back then, and this was perceived by her as being "unusual", i.e. odd. I didn't want to appear rude by asking her for a glass of water, and certainly wouldn't have felt right going to the kitchen and helping myself! I can laugh at it now but it stressed me at the time... age and experience has made me less tied to societal 'norms'

Your mil is rude for not offering you a drink, but surely 'any chance of a glass if water mil), or couldn't you ask your dh to get you something

Rude but no doubt accidental of them to not offer you one.

Silly of you to allow yourself to feel like you can't get yourself a drink.

No one's realllly done anything wrong though.

I find it much more rude that you refuse to ask and then go complain about it.

For heavens sake you're visiting family and seriously cant ask for a drink? Thats ridiculous. If you were so uncomfortable mentioning it why didnt you do the obvious thing and say to your husband 'could you get me a drink'

Honestly do people deliberately go looking for drama

I would be annoyed at myself for being a grown woman unable to ask for a drink.

It may be rude to walk in and say "give us a drink" but it is certainly not rude to ask politely when the host has offered others and forgets you. I also wouldn't judge the host for the oversight.

Sorry but I DO think it is rude to jump up from the table, burst into someone's kitchen and start rummaging in cupboards looking for a glass and help yourself to a drink

I don't think anyone said that's what they do. There is however a happy medium between being that and being a bloody martyr and saying nothing

Sorry but I DO think it is rude to jump up from the table, burst into someone's kitchen and start rummaging in cupboards looking for a glass and help yourself to a drink.

But saying "MIL could I get a glass of water please?" isn't.

She was a very strange one GiveHerHell, quite intimidating, and the problem was I first got together with my husband when I was very young so not able to stand up for myself .. and the rest of the family danced to her tune including her quite sweet husband. So the dynamic was set and it takes a lot to claw your way back from that. If I'd become part of the family in my 30s rather than my mid-teens I'm sure it would have been very different.

On that occasion I remember saying to her "Are you seriously refusing to let me make myself a cup of tea with my own teabag? So if you come to visit me and you fancy a cup of tea does that mean I won't be letting you have one until I decide it's an approprIate time?"

But there was no reasoned debate with her about anything. I think she just liked the power. Very odd.

This always happens at my mams as DH doesn't drink!

He just says to me "mammy can you get me a drink please?" And then I do and my mam apologises that she forgot about him again.

No drama.

She won't have water on the table so it would be rude to start demanding water.

"Please may I have a glass of water" isn't demanding.

@DDIJ someone came to your house and said "could I have some water please?"would you honestly think they were rude?

Why are people saying that it happens because they "don't drink"? I don't understand this - doesn't a host usually just say "would you like a drink/what can I get you?" and the person replies "vodka/whisky/wine/lemonade" as appropriate? I genuinely don't get why whether it is alcoholic makes a difference.

Just that someone could sit all night without a drink and not say or do anything.

This is so weird! Go to the kitchen and get yourself a glass of water? Or say, do you mind if I get a drink? then do it. I expect she put out wine glasses and a couple of bottles? She probably just forgot the water - I wouldn't take it as a slight and she's not being unreasonable. YABU for being a grown woman sitting there feeling thirsty, asking strangers on the internet what to do instead of getting yourself some water.