AIBU to expect to be offered a drink?

[PurplePunk]

Just that really. Went over to MILs for a meal / drinks. I drove and was the only one not on alcoholic drinks.
AIBU to be slightly annoyed that I wasn’t offered a drink all night?! I don’t feel comfortable enough around MIL to help myself and was always taught it’s rude to outright ask!

Just ask your husband to get you one. That's what I do.

The OP can hardly ask for "another" drink when she hasn't had the first one . It's just dawned in me I'm always asked what drink I want after everyone else.

What @GlummyMcGlummerson said.

That big pink wet thing in your mouth is a tongue. It can be used to speak.

So you sat there thirsty all evening? Why? Has the cat got your tongue?

She is your MIL, not a random stranger. Just ask next time, and don't be such a martyr.

Why on earth couldn’t you asK? Even for a glass of water? Probably just an oversight and she’d have then said ‘oh sorry’ would you like a Coke, orange juice or whatever you normally drink. If she’s that terrifying that you can’t ask (which is rather concerning) you could ask your DH to get you one or ask on your behalf. Going thirsty all night is just silly.

"Did you want a drink of water or something else? I would not dream of asking for water at my mum's and it's not something she would offer. I certainly wouldn't get up and help myself."

At your MUMS???? Why on earth can't you help yourself at your mum's house??

You just get up and say, I'm just getting myself a glass of water. Then they might offer you something and if not you go and get the glass of water.

Yanbu but it’s not rude to ask for a glass of water. I agree with PP that your DH should have noticed and got you a drink. Very strange.

*At your MUMS???? Why on earth can't you help yourself at your mum's house??

It would be rude!*

Totally bizarre!

Your DH happily drank all night while you were empty handed?

You're angry at the wrong person, but yes, my MIL would have offered drinks and food ten times.

I would not dream of asking for water at my mum's and it's not something she would offer. I certainly wouldn't get up and help myself.

I have a key to my mums house and if she's not home, i take home her cooking in tupperware. I would not ask for a drink or food at hers and she wouldn't ask at mine, we help ourselves.

If family or friends invited me to visit, even ones I hardly know, I'd always ask for a glass of water if I wanted one

Wouldn't occur to me to be embarassed

Too many people here seem unable to look after themselves properly in very ordinary situations
All this agonising about causing offence - is this just a refined mc MN thing ?

Why on Earth is it “rude” to ask? Is your mother Hyacinth Bucket?

Yes she should have offered but maybe she forgot, hardly crime of the century. You’ve got a tongue in your head and a pair of legs. You were at your MIL’s house, not at Buck House for tea with the queen.

YABU, a martyr and precious

Pathetic! Either ask for an orange juice or whatever you want, or ask MILs son to ask for you

Yes, it was thoughtless of your MIL not to offer.

It isn't considered rude, as a guest, to ask for 'a glass of water'. This is polite code for 'I'm thirsty and you haven't offered me a drink'. A good host should then step up and offer you whatever non-alcoholic beverages they have to choose from.

I always ask at MIL's house if I want a drink (or offer to put the kettle on myself). At my own parents' house, I wouldn't dream of not helping myself.

@ContessaferJones I would feel like that. The subtext of 'argh this is embarrassing I've got to point out that the hosting is crap'. Totally agree with you.

I'm surprised at so many people saying they wouldn't feel rude asking. Surely there is no way to make that request without also (silently) saying "Your hospitality is sufficiently shit that I've had to fend for myself"? I'd be worried that they'd be angry at me for making their lack of attention obvious, and that it would then be considered my fault for saying anything.

Jeezo.

There are really people who overthink like this?

Baffling.

In my world the conversation would go like this

“Excuse me, would you mind if I got a glass of water?”

“Oh sorry yes, I’ll get you one” or “of course not, help yourself”

Gets water and/or other drink, matter is entirely for forgotten.

No being “angry” or “at fault” required.

Was your husband not there? It's not rude to say "would it be ok if I had a glass of cola" or whatever. Even if you're really nervous round her you could have said to your husband.

It's odd to just sit there and say nothing to anyone.

It might be rude to ask for something your host doesn’t have and embarrass them. I agree that water is the safe option as she presumably has a tap. It then serves as a reminder to offer you alternatives.

I would not dream of asking for water at my mum's and it's not something she would offer. I certainly wouldn't get up and help myself

Are you Princess Anne?

This reminds me of a classic with my MIL. She was unbelievable. The sun shone out of DH's arse and the rest of us, especially me, counted for nothing.

I remember one evening DH and FIL were tucking into cans of beer. I hadn't been offered one, being a woman .. and I said "Is it OK if I just make myself a cup of tea, MIL, would you like one?"

"Sit down! You can have a cup of tea when your DH is ready for a cup of tea," was her response

I pointed out that I had my own teabags ( I carry decaff ones in my bag) but still not allowed.

So asking doesn't always work

I would not dream of asking for water at my mum's and it's not something she would offer. I certainly wouldn't get up and help myself

Some people have very weird family dynamics.

"Are you Princess Anne?"

I don't sense that Princess Anne would have any issue asking for anything ever. She seems the type that would have a round of tea on the go for everyone as soon as she came in.

Are you mute? Although she probably should have offered, you could have asked your husband to get one if you couldn’t face asking your mil for one, it’d be much easier than going thirsty and then moaning to mumsnet.