Would you mention kids in dating profiles?

[Shadowcats]

If you are looking to date [for the first time in a decade], do you mention you have a child (a 2 year old) in your [tinder] profile?

I feel like matching is on looks and personality from a bio - baggage is a later convo.

YANBU - no mention
YABU - mention them

@RightEarlobeBreath I agree !!
Some of the people on here don't sound like they've ever online dated, but you wouldn't mention it the day you met someone in the pub so why's it different here?

What's with all the preciousness too that potential partners should have full disclosure before they even bother to message each other a few times, let alone have a date = Translation you should put your child at risk so someone who doesn't like kids doesn't waste a single second talking to you??!!! Seriously ???

What about Bankruptcy? Unemployed? Jail? Should that be in profiles too? Coz I guarantee these are always fully disclosed in profiles... NEVER!

Can you imagine the judgmental tut tutting if you were writing to say you mentioned kids in your profile and attracted a pervert... from the very same people on here telling you to do it?!!

Mention it IF you get to serious messaging that's what first level chat is supposed to be for....but don't put it in your profile and avoid inviting a jedi pedophile pervert into your kids life. Its not worth a date!

It’s nasty not to mention you have kids because a lot of people don’t want that kind of baggage.

I could cope with dating someone who had been in jail (depending on the crime) and someone who was bankrupt but not someone with kids, it's a massive deal breaker

Yes and you'd find that all out your deal breakers and fondness for jail birds as soon as you start messaging right???

My children aren’t baggage thank you very much @Kalifa you’re on the wrong site if you think you’ll get away with saying shite like that

I always tell the truth on OLD profiles inc children

Inliverpool1 I am afraid it is a massive dealbreaker for many people, so stop deluding yourself on this subject. Your kids aren’t baggage to you but they are to people who clearly don’t want to date someone who has kids.

I don’t want to date anyone with children either but I’m not rude about it. Children are not baggage, I’ve no doubt more people are put off by your personality than my child. @Kalifa

Of course children are baggage!

Inliverpool1 so your children are not baggage but you don’t want to date someone who has kids...okay. Double standards much?

YANBU

Wouldn’t mention them as it might attract the wrong type of men.

I did orginally put yabu but after reading about people actively looking for single mums i ve changed my mind!

I do think you should mention you are a parent on the first date though.

I wouldnt date someone with kids even though i have 2 of my own

I'd be pissed off if I'd spent money and w couple of dates getting to know someone and then they "owned up".

No one is advocating keeping them a secret are they? Merely saying that putting it in the profile is not very safe.

If I were dating I wouldn’t put it in my profile but I would mention it before meeting up, and wouldn’t be offended if they decided not to meet up as a result. Much better than potentially attracting someone dangerous.

Until a few years ago I would have said Yes, you need to put it in a profile.
However, I work in ‘women’s services’ so to speak. And also had cases involving offences against children. Don’t put it in the profile.

I mentioned it. I wanted to meet someone with children too. Not to merge families but most men without children don't understand the commitment that children are. My partner was and is an actively involved father. As he should be!
If he had been a father who didn't see his children it would have been a huge red flag.
As for safety I was extremely cautious. You have to be.

In the Netherlands there was a few years ago an association of pedophiles. Their goal was to legalize their disgusting sexual desires.

Eventually they were declared illegal by court order and they appearently went underground. Actively targeting single mums on dating sites was on of their strategies that leaked to the press a while ago.

I would never ever mention my DC in a profile and everyone who can’t understand this and gets upset after hearing about my DC on the first date is a waste of my time anyway.

@Inliverpool1 If children aren't baggage why wouldn't you date someone who had them? Doesn't add up.

Definitely don't put it in your profile and find out as much as you can about any potential partner before you introduce them to your children. It's not being dishonest, it's protecting your dc. Paedophiles have intentionally started relationships with single mums to groom/abuse their children.

If I were dating I wouldn’t put it in my profile but I would mention it before meeting up, and wouldn’t be offended if they decided not to meet up as a result

This is the common sense approach.

Not from a “All men are pedos!” perspective, but there are men who will target women who they think might be lonely or vulnerable and more likely to put up with cocklodgery behaviour.

Just mentioning it after you’ve been messaging for a day or two, before arranging a date is fine.

Children are not baggage

Of course children are baggage! That's how it should be. If your children aren't baggage then you aren't being a very good parent.

@HomerSimpsonSmilingPolitely

Ah. The "my DCs are my world and always come first" stuff that means every single parent has to trot out this stuff before embarking on finding their own happiness and soulmate. Otherwise if they dared to say they want something for themselves, they're not doing the parenting thing right.

The "baggage" metaphor is often used as a way of talking about someone being weighted down by a thing.

Children don't have to always be perceived as massive anchors around the neck. This whole mentality of victimhood around single parenting... is it the best way?

This whole mentality of victimhood around single parenting... is it the best way?

Everything you've said in your post is your own words, not mine.

Whether or not I agree with you really depends on what we're talking about - a serious relationship? Or just casual dates/sex? Because if it's the latter, assuming you have a reliable babysitter, then no, your children don't need to be baggage in terms of dating. The other person doesn't even need to know that they exist, if you'd prefer not to mention them. But if it's the former then they absolutely are baggage, and I stand by what I said.

@HomerSimpsonSmilingPolitely

My stepdad never viewed my sister and I as "baggage" when he met my mother.

My mother never ever thought of us as "baggage" when approaching dating my stepfather a quarter of a century ago.

People aren't all one category. Not everyone will walk around with their children as a millstone around their neck.

I think the fact my mother thankfully didn't view us as "baggage" probably contributed to my stepfather just seeing us as part of her world, and a world he wanted to be part of.

You can "stand by" your comments all you want but I think YABU for the word "baggage" as not every man looks at a woman in their thirties or forties with kids, and thinks "ugh they're weighed down". Some of us actually expect it to be the case and embrace it.

I would not due to the reasons many PPs mentioned. I am sure the dating sites are scanned by paedophiles targeting single mothers.