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Original poster

Would you mention kids in dating profiles?

133 replies

Shadowcats · 24/01/2020 21:22

If you are looking to date [for the first time in a decade], do you mention you have a child (a 2 year old) in your [tinder] profile?

I feel like matching is on looks and personality from a bio - baggage is a later convo.

YANBU - no mention
YABU - mention them

OP posts:
Ishotmrburns · 26/01/2020 01:42

Depends what you're looking for. If you're hoping for something serious then I would mention them. If you're just dating for fun and wanting to see what happens then definitely don't mention them.

FelicityBeedle · 26/01/2020 02:26

It’s both, you just say what sort of thing you’re after

SD1978 · 26/01/2020 02:35

There is usually a section that says yes or no, but I wouldn't talk about them.

celebratingrita · 26/01/2020 07:35

Surprised its so close. Of course you should mention. I would think wierd if someone hadn't. They might not like kids. How would you know?

celebratingrita · 26/01/2020 07:36

Just via the tickbox. No need to talk about age etc.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 26/01/2020 07:38

Yes, you should. I know this sounds harsh but I wouldn’t want to date someone who had children and I’d be annoyed to find out further down the line something as significant as this.

Fairylea · 26/01/2020 07:38

I met dh on plenty of fish 11 years ago. I would never mention my kids until I actually got to the point of going on a date with someone. If they then weren’t interested that’s fine but at least I knew they weren’t meeting up with me just to get close to my kids.

Fairylea · 26/01/2020 07:39

I should add I met up with people fairly quickly - a couple of short messages and then a causal day time coffee. I wouldn’t string them along messaging loads beforehand.

PsuedoSatisfactionBaby · 26/01/2020 07:48

Having been on the receiving end of a ‘no mention’ we were about 4 dates in and getting along great when he revealed he had 2 kids. I wasn’t prepared for that at all. If I had known from the start, I wouldn’t have pursued the relationship so I felt I’d been duped but I also felt like a complete cow for ending it because he had children. It rumbled on for another couple of dates but I was just hugely uncomfortable that he had hidden this and wondered what else he was hiding. Put me off OD.

KatherineJaneway · 26/01/2020 07:50

If you don’t mention in the profile prepare yo be dumped quickly when you do by some. I don’t date men with babies/toddlers so it would be a no thanks as soon as they mentioned it

This ^^

SidsWife · 26/01/2020 07:53

Can’t believe someone actually put a picture of their kids in the dating site!

Keenwaah · 26/01/2020 07:56

If you don't mention it be prepared to get some angry reactions and quickly dumped by men who start to get invested in you and then realise you omitted something so massively important. The paedophiles thing surely can be dealt with by just maintaining distance between your kids and dates for a sensibly long amount of time.

Do agree tinder isn't really for dating though...

Rezie · 26/01/2020 07:59

If you are looking for a hookup or a casual date without intention of having a second then there is no need to mention children at all. If you are looking for something serious I'd mention it somehow in the profile/pictures. If looking for casual dating that lasts longer than few dates but not more serious then I'd mention it in conversation before date.

Foreverlexicon · 26/01/2020 08:02

I don’t have children but I would prefer it if someone mentioned it. I don’t want to date someone with children personally so mentioning it later would be annoying as it’s wasted both of ours time. So if you don’t mention it, I would bring it up very quickly in conversation.

Elmo311 · 26/01/2020 09:53

I would mention it. When I was dating I wouldn't have wanted to date someone who had a child already (I was in my late 20's and felt if I was to have kids with someone that I'd want it to be a first for us both)

For some people it is a dealbreaker and others it's really not :)

celebratingrita · 26/01/2020 16:03

There might be a gender element to this...men should mention it, women at your discretion until you trust the person.

Cyberlibre · 26/01/2020 16:16

I would be annoyed if a guy hadn't mentioned it in their profile, as to me, that is a huge piece of information missing. I wouldn't expect to know ages, see a picture or gender. Literally just a mention!

RightEarlobeBreath · 26/01/2020 16:20

Baffled by the people saying to include it so that the other person might see it as a dealbreaker.

A child’s safety should ALWAYS come before the feelings of some random stranger or potential date. Always.

Better to have a grown adult feeling duped and ending things with you than to be targeted by a paedophile who wants access to children.

Missillusioned · 26/01/2020 16:24

If you're just looking for casual why would you mention it? Casual dates should never meet your children.
Anything more like a relationship and I wouldn't put it in the profile but mention it before the first date and not be too bothered if he then decides not to go ahead

ShatnersWig · 26/01/2020 16:35

I don't want to date someone with children. That is my choice and I say so on my profile. I don't want to waste my time - or someone else's time - as someone with children would not be compatible. I'd be pissed off if I'd spent money and w couple of dates getting to know someone and then they "owned up".

ShatnersWig · 26/01/2020 16:37

I should add that when I was last on Tinder, I'd say three out of every ten profiles had the words "my children are my world" on them. One in twenty probably had a photo of them with a child/children (and that I think is very odd)

Rainbowx2 · 26/01/2020 17:05

I wouldn't put on my profile but after chatting / texting I'd mention it quite early on. I'd be paranoid putting on profile that someone might be looking for a lone parent with access to young children

SimonJT · 26/01/2020 17:24

I used a dating agency, so slightly different. I did allow the agency permission to tell potential dates I had a son, I didn’t see the point of going on a date with someone if me being a parent would be an instant no from them. I also wouldn’t date a parent (unless they had much older children as my son wouldn’t cope, luckily not a big issue in my community) and explicitly said I didn’t want dates with someone with young children.

BrusselPout · 26/01/2020 18:41

All the 'tinder isn't for dating' comments are making me laugh as I met my husband on tinder (and yes we were both using it for dating, had no interest in hook ups). I got far more weirdos, dick pics and fuck boys contacting me on match and plenty of fish than I ever did on tinder so I definitely wouldn't consider them more 'serious' 🤣

BrusselPout · 26/01/2020 18:48

Oh, and I would have been well pissed off if I'd been chatting to someone for more than a few messages, and then found out they had kids. I wasn't interested in getting involved with someone with young children, not so much because of kids but more the drama of exes being involved etc

It would have felt a little disingenuous of the person and like I'd wasted my time if I'd invested and then had it dropped into conversation.