To those who drink 3-4 bottles of wine per week

[prayerbeforebed]

Can you cope with everyday life the next day and are you comfortable with your intake?
Is it too much ? Is your health affected ?
I find that I am using wine as a crutch since my shock split from husband and subsequent discovery of an affair.
I drink three bottle is wine per week when I did used to enjoy one . I don't want anymore but I find it completely relaxed me and gives me a little buzz of happiness in anitherwise difficult time.
I don't want to ruin my health but I feel a bit guilt.
Thanks

As someone who doesn't drink very often that sounds a lot to me. It's 30-40 units of alcohol a week I think? I'd be a wreck. Are you worried about your drinking? How about trying a couple of weeks without?

Oh and really sorry to hear about your marriage

I have 2 small glasses of wine Mon - Fri. None on Sat Sun.
Not sure if that is too much but it is just a habit now.

I went up to almost a bottle a night towards New Years. I'm now doing dry January and feel so much better. My usual intake is around a glass every 3 days so not even a bottle a week. I went through an extremely stressful time from September to December, so like you I used it as a crutch. But I feel much better now, and I'm still dealing with the stress. Alcohol is ultimately a depressant.

I find that I am using wine as a crutch since my shock split from husband and subsequent discovery of an affair
@prayerbeforebed This is the crux of it all.

You are becoming psychologically dependent on drink.
Eventually you may / will become physically dependent and you will need to drink MORE as your tolerance to alcohol increases.
That will lead to health problems and perhaps alcoholism.

Have you done the assessment on Drink Aware for example?

Instead of spending £20+ on wine a week, why not spend it on therapy / counselling to help you come to terms with your issues?

I drink that much- probably more. I actually don't feel it effects me. Drink only effects me if I get drunk at a party or something.

3 bottles of wine throughout 7 days is not really a lot- it's only one 250ml glass a day. I would think it's not good for you and would affect your overall health somewhat but certainly wouldn't affect daily functioning much- especially for someone used to drinking that much.

I used to drink this easily in my 20s, it was a habit and an easy relax after stressful work day.

In my 30s I drank less because of pregnancies and breastfeeding, and in my 40s I got into exercise instead, I know... but started getting a "natural high" from cardio, and it is just as addictive as alcohol. But also mutually exclusive. I now choose to not drink much, and feel so much better for it (mentally and physically)

I think the fact that you are aware of your drinking and why drink means you make a conscious choice to live like this right now, everyone needs a little help to make it through the day sometimes!

Maybe one day you will find a "healthier" way to unwind/feel good.

Just remain aware of your intake, a friend of mine went from 2 bottles a week, to a bottle a day, to 2 bottles a day and lost everything (hit a child whilst drunk driving), it can be a slippery slope

As much as I hate to admit it, I’ve fallen into this habit whilst struggling with things too. In all honesty I drink a whole bottle most night. However, when I say a bottle it is echo falls summer berry rose and I have it with lemonade, I’m not sure it would be as strong as most wines but happy to be corrected!

I don’t suffer with hangovers, like you just tired sometimes. It I’m honest I feel no differently as to when I didn’t drink of an evening

For me the main cause for concern is the fact that you are deliberately using alcohol to alter your mood. You crave that buzzy out of control feeling and that's worrying. I drink, but I hate that buzzy feeling - so I drink very little. I used to drink like you do and functioned absolutely fine, but it was habit, not enjoyment. Now I drink comfortably under the limit and not at all a lot of the time, and I enjoy it a lot more.

A cholesterol specialist consultant once asked me if I drank a lot. I asked what he meant by “a lot” and his reply was 1 bottle of wine in an evening. I use that as my bench marker. Yes your wine intake has increased but so would mine in your situation

I was drinking a bottle nearly every night in Dec and like you, it was a crutch to deal with emotional problems. I was still functioning fine, going to the gym/ work etc without feeling like it impacted me.

I’ve been doing dry Jan (though admittedly I slipped this Monday) and I really do feel better. I woke up a bit groggy on Tues and noticed the difference in a way I’ve not recognised before. I’ve lost 5lbs and I think I’m actually happier, despite going through a separation now.

If it was a one off then fair enough, but I think if you need 3/4 bottles of wine a week to help you through life then you’re probably too reliant on it already.

I get that it’s a release (I love a glass of wine or two but not every night) the problem with that is, it can be a slippery slope if you become too reliant.

It’s the transition between simply enjoying it socially or as a means to unwind after a stressful day to being dependent on it and needing to have it.

I say this as the daughter of an alcoholic. My fear would be that if it take 4 bottles of wine a week to relax you etc then it could lead to you needing stronger alcohol to create the effects.

Given what you are going through at the moment in your personal life then in the short term there is nothing wrong with having a bottle of wine on three separate nights a week. Of course it isn't that good for you but you know that anyway. I did the same when (although it was probably 1/2 a bottle but most nights for a short period of time when I was only just coping with the strain of keeping everything afloat (keeping on working, keeping the house and kids and pets all alive, paying bills, etc). I gradually tailed it off as I felt better and to be honest that was mostly down to having a decent bit of counselling that helped me move forward. Might be worth looking into that if you haven't already.

I was drinking that much prior to pregnancy (half a bottle of wine across 5/6 nights a week) and, while I don't think 3 bottles a week is a major cause for concern, I was looking to cut back on health grounds. I've been keeping an eye on how often during this pregnancy I think 'ooh, I could really go for a glass of wine right now' and honestly it's probably twice a week. I reckon once pregnancy and breastfeeding are out of the way, if I could get myself to half a bottle of wine twice a week, that would be a sensible place to settle. It's interesting and I think I now get the point people make when they say how dry January/October etc helps them reset their drinking. Would you consider maybe doing a dry February (it's the shortest month!)?

That is 30 to 40 units per week.
The recommended is MAXIMUM14 per week.
All of these posts sayings bottle per night etc are way off I'm sorry.

If I drank that much I wouldn’t be functioning, probably spend most days in bed.

@FreakStar

There are 10 units in a bottle of wine.

3 bottles = 30 units
4 bottles = 40 units

Limit for a woman per week is 14.

Also, binge drinking is classed as more than 5 units in one sitting.

That is anything more than half a bottle of wine.

One bottle a night is very much binge drinking.

OP just been through a split and am now a single parent working full time

I started a health and wellness challenge this week , as I am so ducking tired and stressed . I decided I would cope better so off the booze 🥃 (4 days which isn’t much !!)

Honestly , it’s a foe and a false friend

Don’t get me wrong I will have a wine to fit and maybe some at lunch Sunday

But alcohol makes me tired , and feel fucking shitty the next day

So target 3-4 nights off

Here’s a suggestion.....why don’t you pop along to an Open AA meeting? Trust me, you don’t have to be an alcoholic or a recovered alcoholic to qualify attending 😁 You simply need to be a person with the presence of mind to step back a bit and recognise that you have a dependency of a kind and that your relationship with alcohol has become risky....which I would suggest it has OP.
The meetings are hugely friendly, you’re not committed or roped into anything...it just costs you 1 hr of your time to sit and listen. Denial is a symptom of alcohol dependency OP....and actually that is the killer symptom. You can choose to be a smart person you can step back and rectify or you can sink into delusion and seek universal recognition that it’s “ok” and you surely don’t have an issue. So you decide, because in your heart you will know the answer - doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks.
One of the key aspects of alcoholism that I hear is the ‘crave’. If you find that you experience a strong crave, can be anytime of day, then yes you have a problem. Beware people sleep walk into alcoholism in a cloud of self delusion. Act if you want to.

Do you think I am dependant or excessive drinker?

Borderline. From the sounds of it you're not physically dependent as you have days when you don't drink. You might be psychologically dependent, or heading that way. Is it excessive? People will argue the toss on that one. It can be difficult to have a sensible discussion on MN because anyone advising moderation tends to be mocked as a killjoy and someone who makes accusations of alcoholism if you sniff sherry once a year.

As someone who's seen the effects of alcoholism, I'd say you don't want your consumption to go up. I agree with pp that using the term 'alcoholic' often isn't helpful. It just sounds as if you need to re-evaluate your relationship with alcohol. Maybe reduce the consumption, perhaps stop for a while and see how you feel. it won't do you any harm to cut down, and it might make you feel a lot better. IME a dry month forces you to think about why you drink and to find alternative sources of comfort.

If you're going to give up I think you need support with like-minded people. There are great groups online to support your through the journey. I haven't done this for drinking - I gave up when I was younger due to a health condition and realised that having thought I felt "fine" and "not tired" I suddenly had masses of energy once I gave up properly.

Please do look at groups on Facebook, I've had so much support from strangers online when I've wanted to achieve something and it's the people behind me that have given me the strength to keep going and the relationships to replace whatever was missing.

This was a quick google search but he has 8000 people in his group - all trying to give up.

besober.co.uk/2018/12/23/why-facebook-sober-groups-could-be-your-saviour/

It may be worth a try.

I used to drink more tbh. After my marriage break up, then my mum with terminal cancer dying it was a very hard time.
It was not ideal, but it got me through.
There is no harm having a crutch. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

A cholesterol specialist consultant once asked me if I drank a lot. I asked what he meant by “a lot” and his reply was 1 bottle of wine in an evening. I use that as my bench marker. Yes your wine intake has increased but so would mine in your situation
That is not a helpful anecdote! please bear in mind that alcoholism within the medical profession is one of the worst....I doubt a liver specialist would have used the same excessive benchmark! 😠