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AIBU?

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Original poster

They didn't use car seat!

604 replies

jollybobs89 · 24/01/2020 03:34

Ok so DD almost 2! Grandparents looked after her at the weekend for the day asked if they needed the car seat to which they said no probably won't go out!

Anyway turns out they did go out and took DD in the car with no car seat on MIL knee to a supermarket which was probably a 13 mile round trip!

DH has gone mental said it's not acceptable at all which it isnt! Caused a massive row as they said she was 100% safe that they are upset that we think they would put her in danger?! (But they did there was no need to take her in the car one of them could have stayed home) they have said that she was probably safer on MIL knee that she would be in a car seat!!! And said thats just what they do ?! They have numerous grandkids.

AWBU? To be mad re this?? They didn't tell us they'd gone out it was till a few days later we realised from pics they sent of having her.

Just don't want everyone falling out re this! But they won't hold their hands up and apologise they just think it's acceptable

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 13/06/2020 23:30

Well he needs to say something to her then.

Original poster
jollybobs89 · 13/06/2020 23:30

@Windyatthebeach this is exactly what I think will/has happened as like other posters have said clearly no respect for me!

God I wish I was more of a bitch and I need to grow a backbone

OP posts:
Original poster
jollybobs89 · 13/06/2020 23:30

Not more of a bitch hahaha I mean I just wish I was more outspoken and stood up for myself.

OP posts:
Blahblahblah12345 · 13/06/2020 23:37

Let your DP tell his DM that she needs to apologise to you. So that you can all move forward. If she doesn't then you know where you stand, and your DH will see it's all a facade. I do hope you sort it out though. It will probably take a long time before you trust them. I don't trust my parents but I 100% trust my in laws.

LovePoppy · 13/06/2020 23:37

@AnotherEmma

They're not mind readers, you can't wait and see if they apologise - they won't. If you want them to apologise, you or DP have to ask them to. Or at least tell them that their behaviour upset you - which should prompt an apology in a reasonable person who genuinely wants to smooth things over. It remains to be seen whether they are!
But they know it upset them! That’s why it all kicked off!
AnotherEmma · 13/06/2020 23:41

Yes I had forgotten that OP did actually tell her MIL she had upset her... and got no response Sad

I do think that with people like this you have to be very blunt and spell out what you want and what your boundaries are. They may or may not accept it but at least you've been clear.

LovePoppy · 14/06/2020 00:05

@jollybobs89

Not more of a bitch hahaha I mean I just wish I was more outspoken and stood up for myself.
Today seems like a great day to start!!

As a suggestion, I want you to really think about what you said. You wish you could be more of a bitch to stand up for yourself. Why do you think that only bitches stand up for themselves? What part of standing up for yourself makes you a bitch? I think you’ll find that you have been “programmed” to think that nice girls just let people do what they want and only bitches ever say no.

Today is a great way to unlearn that misogynistic lesson

LovePoppy · 14/06/2020 00:05

Great day

AbbieLexie · 14/06/2020 00:35

I think MIL is just hoping this will fade away - and the longer she can string things out the easier it will be for her to downplay all that's happened. I agree with others its a divide and conquer technique. Please always be on guard.

Original poster
jollybobs89 · 14/06/2020 01:15

@LovePoppy flipping heckers! Wow your right. Yeah jeez can't believe I have been seeing it like that! I am programmed to think that standing up for myself makes me a bitch how ridiculous

OP posts:
LovePoppy · 14/06/2020 01:30

[quote jollybobs89]@LovePoppy flipping heckers! Wow your right. Yeah jeez can't believe I have been seeing it like that! I am programmed to think that standing up for myself makes me a bitch how ridiculous [/quote]
It’s a hard lesson to undo

I’m learning every day. Some are better than others.

One thing I am learning, is what the hell do I care if I am a bitch?

TheTiaraManager · 14/06/2020 08:33

I think they have chosen not to apologise. Whatever you & DH decide about socialising with them I recommend they are never left alone with the kids as they can't be trusted to keep them safe

Original poster
jollybobs89 · 14/06/2020 08:39

@LovePoppy any tips are welcome Grin

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Original poster
jollybobs89 · 14/06/2020 12:39

@TheTiaraManager I agree she has chosen to ignore

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WotnoPasta · 14/06/2020 13:13

Were they wearing seat belts? Because I can remember when adults didn’t have to. Doesn’t stop people wearing them now. The generation thing is bollocks.
Was it one of those ‘we know better’ situations. Oh look we didn’t use a seat belt and everything was fine.... you young people are ridiculous.

Original poster
jollybobs89 · 14/06/2020 13:19

@WotnoPasta I'm confused at what your getting at? Us young people? They had the seat belt round grandparent and DD in one so that's even worse she would have been squashed by the seatbelt!

OP posts:
WotnoPasta · 14/06/2020 13:30

I’m saying - is that what they are saying!
My MIL was trying to stick chocolate into my DCs face from birth as that’s what they did and ‘all her children were fine....‘

Original poster
jollybobs89 · 14/06/2020 13:38

Oh sorry! Yep that's exactly what they have said! They said it's just something they do!! Ermmm no it's not and I just think of all the times I've left the car seat with them etc and they probably never bloody used it!

And they are the same with food! Just junk food all the time they thought I was absolutely ridiculous doing baby led weaning and that I used a sleeping bag!

OP posts:
LovePoppy · 14/06/2020 13:46

It’s starting to sound like you didn’t actually have the good relationship you thought you did with them. Just that you were a good enough doormat for them

Jellybeansincognito · 14/06/2020 14:01

I don’t think you should allow them a relationship with your children unless you or your partner are present.

Also, they’re super disrespectful to your parenting, it’s not a good role model to have in your child’s life at all.

Jellybeansincognito · 14/06/2020 14:01

If you allow them to continuously disrespect you, you’re teaching your children that they must allow people to do that too.

Original poster
jollybobs89 · 20/06/2020 10:51

Going to meet DP parents today so they can see the children so will see what reception I get and what gets said. Absolutely dreading it to be honest and feel sick thinking about it

OP posts:
Windyatthebeach · 20/06/2020 10:54

Last chance saloon imo.
And mean it.
Your dc will feel no ill effects from not having them around if they blow it this time.

DuckALaurent · 20/06/2020 18:14

Hope it went ok @jollybobs89

Original poster
jollybobs89 · 20/06/2020 22:59

Thank you @DuckALaurent

It went ok! Was awkward at times tried to speak to his mum however we kept getting cut off.
Anyway didn't get an apology however she text me after to say thank you for meeting them and hopefully can move forward?
So i think in her own way she's trying to build bridges maybe! I guess time will tell.

OP posts:
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