AIBU or is Ex re DD?

[Kellylondon]

I had my nose pierced couple weeks ago, and DD6 wanted her ears done. So we went out and she got her ears done last Saturday. Ex hasn’t seen the dcs for a week as he was away, got back yesterday and he came round to see the kids, and DD went to him and said “ look daddy I got my ears done” he didn’t say anything, and when he left he sent me a ranty text saying “ why did I go behind his back, why did I let her have it done without telling him” etc AIBU? I didn’t really think of telling/asking him as DD is 6 and she wanted to have it done?

You can see from this thread alone that some people have very strong feelings about ear piercings on children. It's possible the father does too which is part of the reason he is annoyed. I don't think it's fair for posters to say it's not OPs fault as he hasn't mentioned not wanting his DD to have her ears pierced. Why would he think that was a conversation he needed to have or initiate? I would have assumed my ex would have respected me enough to discuss this with me first. Bit random if he just produced a list of things he doesn't want her to pierce and at what age...

Yabu. In all honesty I would be pissed.

I may be bias tho as I've never had my ears pierced and dont intend to as it seems like a huge faff.

Why do people act like ear piercings are a big deal

^^ this. Back in the real world, I can't imagine anybody being particularly bothered. I don't know many people who don't have their girls' ears pierced. Usually from being a baby. Would I? No. Would I be bothered? No.

You are 100% unreasonable

if she asked herself then i don’t see the problem tbh

DD asked for some of daddy’s whisky when she was 5. As parents we recognised it wasn’t the best thing for her and said no.

Whether 6 is too young or not is besides the point. A piercing like this is a permanent change - even if she takes the earrings out and they heal over, she'll have a permanent mark where they were. That's the kind of thing that should really be discussed first. Your were being wildly unreasonable OP and I would have been upset with you too.

I wonder how this thread would have gone if the dad had been the one to get the small child’s ears pierced without the mother’s permission.

I personally don’t think I would be bothered but I feel like I’m the only one who feels this way other than you OP. My mum got my ears pierced (I nagged her for it ) when I was only 4. She took me to get them done, and I’ve loved them ever since . She showed me how to clean them etc . It was in the summer holidays and I was almost 5 and had an understanding that they need to be cleaned . You have consent as a parent so I don’t see the issue .

MintyMabel

You seriously can’t put alcohol in the category as ear piercing.

As for if Dp had gone and had dds ears pierced without telling me. I wouldn’t have a problem

If your dd is old enough to express that they want their ears pierced then I can’t see the problem.

Probably wouldn’t have piercings on babies but a child who can communicate that is what she wanted I don’t have a problem with.

I think the poster using the situation where DD asks to shave her head and her father allows her to do it is a good comparison.

Parenting is about compromise, having her ear pierced is quite a big deal and it should have been discussed with her dad just as he should discuss big decisions about your DD with the op.

I do think you were unfair not to have spoken to him before hand as I’m sure you’d be pissed if it was him that took her without your knowledge .
My dd had her ears pierced at 6 .
She was made fully aware they would hurt and that she/we would need to take care of them properly which she did and not one of her friends doesn’t have pierced ears so it’s not some thing I think should be frowned upon if they’re old enough to understand .. sheesh

So if she asked for a tattoo, would that be ok? After all she wants it?
Can she have her nose pierced? After all she wants it?

No?

And yes, I would be pissed off if you had my daughters ears pierced without discussing it with me first

I’d be pissed off you hadn’t asked, yes. Depends how involved he actually is with her life though, some NRP’s are crap and wouldn’t really deserve a say. If he’s a good Dad though, it would’ve been polite to run it by him first.

A tattoo is a lot different than having your ears pierced, a tattoo is forever, earrings can be taken out 🤔, not sure why people would compare them.

YABU.

FFS - I had mine done at 6 years. I wasn't a chav then and I'm not now

Although I don't think it is too young, it is still slightly unusual at that age. For that reason I would have consulted with the other parent.

I think I was about 7 when I got mine done. I don't agree with babies having them done because they clearly do not want them and do not consent to having pain inflicted on them because an adult thinks earrings would be cute. I think at 6 a child is aware of the fact it will hurt and if they decide they want it, I'd be fine with letting them. I mean I've never met a person in real life who regretted having their ears pierced as a child.

So unless you knew that your ex was really against ear piercing then I don't think you're unreasonable.

I didn't let my DD have her ears pierced before the age of 10, simply because I wanted her to be able to care for them herself (and she hadn't asked). But, I didn't bother with discussing it with ex (we were together at the time). I talked with DD to be certain she knew what the care involved, and she had them done at the start of the school holidays.

I see ear piercings as the same as a haircut. MN seems to be firmly in the camp of bodily autonomy when it comes to haircuts, and I see ear piercing in the same way. I have multiple piercings and tattoos.

As for talk of alcohol, tattoos, cigarettes, etc, there are laws there, so would not and have not agreed to any of those underage, it's totally different.

At 6? God, how awful

@harriethoyle Oh yes , how ever so ghastly ...

Terrible thing to do to a 6 year old and bad form you didn’t discuss it with him first.

Ear rings on young children looks rough

Barring extreme circumstances, parenting decisions like ear piercing should be made by both parents together.

You are being unreasonable. Imagine he went behind your back and done something. She is his daughter too.

Also, I don't think a 6 year should have that choice. If she came up to you asked could she try a glass of wine would you let her?!

If she came up to you asked could she try a glass of wine would you let her?!

What sort of comparison is that? Drinking at that age = Illegal Piercing at that age = Not illegal