AIBU or is Ex re DD?

[Kellylondon]

I had my nose pierced couple weeks ago, and DD6 wanted her ears done. So we went out and she got her ears done last Saturday. Ex hasn’t seen the dcs for a week as he was away, got back yesterday and he came round to see the kids, and DD went to him and said “ look daddy I got my ears done” he didn’t say anything, and when he left he sent me a ranty text saying “ why did I go behind his back, why did I let her have it done without telling him” etc AIBU? I didn’t really think of telling/asking him as DD is 6 and she wanted to have it done?

I would be furious, this has to be a joint decision surely. Plus for a 6yr old it’s tacky as hell.

I also think you should have discussed it with him first.

Wtf. I'd go absolutely postal if my ex did this.

Obviously there’s a wide range of opinion here and in the world on such things. I’d just say for any such body modification (think that’s the legal term) it’s always wise to get the other parent’s agreement, especially if separated.

Ok, looks like I'm BU. I honestly didn't even think of asking him, if she was a baby yes (which I'm against) but she's 6. Our school allows earrings studs btw

How would you feel had your ex done this without you knowing or how about ex’s new partner taking DD without you knowing?

YABhugelyUR!

YABU how would you have felt if your ex ask you about a decision regarding your DD. Sorry I think he has a point.

YAtotallyBU
Looks awful on a child and so unreasonable and disrespectful of you to go ahead like that without discussion

Yabu

Text an apology, it's not worth fighting over.

It's not as if she's had her tongue pierced and got a tattoo, it's only her ears. Yes maybe you should have mentioned it but it's not the end of the world. Just consult with him in the future and schools in my area also allow one pair of small stud earrings as well.

Yabu
I would be very angry if my dh did this, it was very unreasonable of you to do it without checking with him first.
Personally I also think putting holes in a small child's skin shouldn't be allowed at all, it is so unnecessary but at the very least both parents should have agreed first.

I think the posters complaining are over the top. She asked for them to be done you didn't force her. It's not like it's abnormal for kids particularly girls to have pierced ears. Also if your DD took the earrings out the holes would close up.

yanbu. my dd age 7 had went on and on about getting her ears pierced for ages, she saved up her pocket money and when she had enough i took her to get them done, didn't really think of discussing to be honest, its her ears, you gave consent , and lots of girls seem to get them done around that age now, dd was one of the last out of her friends.

Yanbu I don’t see the problem why shouldn’t you

Coming from a culture that used to pierce ears early, if not careful and wear heavy earrings (many studs are heavy) they end up with massive holes in earlobes. I would not do it while they are growing up. There’s a difference between 12-13 and 6.

I expect to be flamed, but IMO it’s not appropriate because it’s sexualising a tiny child. I understand why her dad was angry.

YABU

What if he did the same?

I'd be fucking livid if dh took dc for their ears pierced without at least discussing it with me.

because it’s sexualising a tiny child

Seriously? Are tiny studs in children ears a turn on for you? You may need to speak to someone about that.

YABU!!! From a personal perspective, pierced ears look awful on little girls IMO. I only let my dd’s get theirs done when they were about to start high school!
I’d be very upset if my dh had taken one of them behind my back at age 6.
Just because a 6yr old wants to do something doesn’t mean you should let them. And taking her to watch you getting your nose done seems like you were angling for her to “be like mummy” ?

I got my ears pierced at 5. MY CHOICE. I have many more piercings now as an adult! I’m not someone who thinks having ears pierced is abuse and if the child wants them done then it’s fine. No reason not to let them. If your DD were to decide she didn’t want it anymore then she can just take them out and if you take proper care of them they won’t get infected or unhygienic. YANBU.

If my DS wanted his ears pierced I’d let him, only when he’s old enough to ask but if he wants to, yes.

I would let a six year old decide if she wanted her ears pierced but I would expect the decision to let her decide to have been approved by both parents.

Jeez!
Sexualising a child ? WTF?

I think you were wrong. because she is very young.

I also would like to comment that your ex was extremely reasonable and exhibited excellent parenting - when he waited to discuss the issue with you - until after the child was not around. GOOD MAN.