AIBU or is Ex re DD?

[Kellylondon]

I had my nose pierced couple weeks ago, and DD6 wanted her ears done. So we went out and she got her ears done last Saturday. Ex hasn’t seen the dcs for a week as he was away, got back yesterday and he came round to see the kids, and DD went to him and said “ look daddy I got my ears done” he didn’t say anything, and when he left he sent me a ranty text saying “ why did I go behind his back, why did I let her have it done without telling him” etc AIBU? I didn’t really think of telling/asking him as DD is 6 and she wanted to have it done?

Also OP - be very careful to sterilise them/twist them every night. They may seem ok at first but they often become infected - my dd’s did and her ear had green stuff oozing out and was very sore. She had to take it out and let it heal up.

YABU. At 6, it should be agreed by both parents.

Yabu

How would you feel if he'd taken her without informing you beforehand?
I don't think that 6 is too young

Playing Devil's Advocate, he might have wanted the chance to be the one associated with this happy memory or feels that this is one of lots of ways that he's losing touch with his dd as he's a NRP.

This is where you need to agree your parenting rules as things like this are going to come up.

My dd was about the same age as the one in the OP. If they are old enough to understand that it will hurt and there's some boring aftercare before she can wear fashion earrings then I think that subject to parental approval then it's fine.

Sorry but YABU. I don’t think a child can make the best decisions at 6 and therefore both parents should agree. If your ex went and had all her hair cut short because she wanted to, without asking you, how would you feel? (Assuming she has long hair but just an example).

6 is far too young in my opinion and definitely something I would expect to be discussed between parents.

I ran it past my ex when I got my dds ears pierced at 10yrs old. I'd not make that type of decision without consulting him. He sounds like and ok Dad as he didn't create in front of the dc

I don't think you are BU if she asked for them to be done.

I got mine done at 6 and my dad stopped speaking to my mum for weeks (they were together).

I wouldn't have consulted DH if DS has asked me for his ears pierced.

You are - have you thought about school, most around here do not allow them until juniors and then they need to be able to remove themselves for PE. Hence why schools recommend you do it at the start of the summer

Also given that he will need to care for them it should have been a joint decision. They need quite a bit of care and looking after. DD is 10 and pretty much all but one other (and her) got slightly infected because they were not treated properly and cheap earrings were used too quickly

Just because she wanted them doesnt mean it was the right or sensible decision

Anne Why wouldn’t you consult his other parent who also has to play a part in keeping them clean while they heal?

I think YABU but I don't like seeing little kids with pierced ears at all. I don't know why on earth you would stick earrings in a child of that age when they're at peak age for running about and playing rough and tumble with other kids, as well as being unable to look after them themselves. If DH did this without my knowledge or permission, I would be absolutely furious.

You're both parents and you should've discussed it.

I'd be really cross. 6 is far too young.

I got my ears pierced the first time at 6, I think my dd was 5. However, when Ds1 wanted his done at a similar age I ran it past his dad (my ex) as I thought it was the right thing to do. I doesn’t sound like you spitefully “went behind his back” though, just made an error in judgment.

I'd be furious if OH did something like this regardless of the child's age. I'd expect him to speak to me first and would always do the same in return.

Hmmm, I think if I were you I would just message him back apologising for not speaking to him about it and explaining that you didn't realise he had strong feelings on the matter. Unless you did realise, in which case YABU.

YABU. I wouldn’t let my children at six and whatever age they did have them done, assuming whilst still children, I would consult DH (even if we had split).

I think that with parenting, especially when you are no longer together, it’s important to make sure both sides are in agreement with things or else you could end up in a situation where the other allows something purely out of spite or retaliation.

Her daughter's only six! When I started reading the opening post I imagined she was a teenager.

What kind of example are you setting to your daughter, having your nose pierced? How old are you for goodness sake?

Just apologise and move on.

I am sure it he did something similar you would expect to be consulted

I'd be very annoyed if I was him. Something that modifies your child's body - both parents need to agree surely.

Those of you who are saying the child wanted them done, so that's ok, really??. What if she's wants a tattoo, a cigarette, a beer?
At 6 years of age, a child does not have the capacity to make an informed decision about a procedure that is basically a disfigurement. All they see is sparkly earrings that make them look pretty. The pp who made the comment about early sexualisation is actually correct. We use make up and jewellery on the whole to make ourselves more attractive. It's on a par with putting 6 year olds in bras. Why oh why do parents insist on making their children grow up before they need to? It's just all sorts of wrong.

If she was in secondary and had discussed it with him I think it would be fine, but 6 years is very young.

Do you usually parent her together? Does he have her on a regular basis and help you make decisions? If the answer is yes and he's generally an involved parent then yes yabu because this is a decision that you should make together. On the other hand if he is the type of dad that drifts in and out leaving you with most of the leg work and then decision making, then yanbu because he leaves all other decisions to you.
What type of dad is he?

I’m starting to wonder about some people on MN 😂, crazy responses about sexualising a child.

OP, I can see it from both sides, maybe you should have informed him that dd wanted her ears pierced and that you would take her to get them done.

My dad’s don’t have theirs done but that’s because they have never asked, if they asked then I would let them and wouldn’t ask their dad as he only see’s them for a couple hours a week, I’m their legal guardian and main carer.

I’m sure he will get over it.

She's six?!
Well, I'm with your ex on this. I would have gone bananas if my child's other parent had done this, ex or not.