AIBU or is Ex re DD?

[Kellylondon]

I had my nose pierced couple weeks ago, and DD6 wanted her ears done. So we went out and she got her ears done last Saturday. Ex hasn’t seen the dcs for a week as he was away, got back yesterday and he came round to see the kids, and DD went to him and said “ look daddy I got my ears done” he didn’t say anything, and when he left he sent me a ranty text saying “ why did I go behind his back, why did I let her have it done without telling him” etc AIBU? I didn’t really think of telling/asking him as DD is 6 and she wanted to have it done?

I don't think YABU, but my DDs had their ears pierced as babies... as did I and my DM etc.

It's traditional in my culture.

@qwerty

Would you have been annoyed if her dad had taken her without talking to you?

Where I live piercings in younger children are frowned upon, it’s probably a bit classist and snobby.

I am relieved to read that the majority of PPs think OP was unreasonable to have the piercing done with speaking to the father.
I had a similar situation but the child was older about 11. There were school rules about not having any jewellery at school and piercings were not allowed at all for safety reasons as mentioned above accidents can rip the ears which don't heal. I was furious especially as the h who had this done was aware that piercings were not allowed by the school or wanted by the adults around the 11 year old. The h was not the father of the child. He was step father and ignored the boundaries and was exerting a control tactic.

but IMO it’s not appropriate because it’s sexualising a tiny child.

I've heard it all now. This is ludicrous. Since when did earrings become sexualising.

Since when were earrings appropriate on a 6yo

piercings were not allowed by the school

A school cannot stop me piercing my child's ears.

They can say no jewellery, but i don't see how they can't say no piercings. In a diverse multi cultural school, that wouldn't be a smart move.

Since when were earrings appropriate on a 6yo

Since when were they not?

There's no rule or law on this. There's no magic age to wear earrings.

It's a matter of personal opinion.

My husband and I are together and I would not have dreamed of asking him. X

@Kellylondon. I think he’s being a bit over the top asking why you went behind his back to do it, if he’s never mentioned it. You didn’t go behind his back, you just got it done and it didn’t occur to you to ask him. If he was very involved with her care or very vocal about piercings I’m sure it would have occurred to you to ask him.

A lot of Mums I know wouldn't ask their DH’s (or Ex’s) In the same way they wouldn’t ask them about their DD’s ‘personal care’ (bras/haircuts/San pro) or shoes/clothing.

Something that modifies your child's body

For the love of little fish! It’s her ears pierced not having a limb amputated or growth hormones.

DH said no for years when DD1 had hers done. I took her out shopping for her 11th birthday and she got them done then, didn’t tell DH what I was doing. She wants a second piercing now and I’ve said DH has to agree or she can’t have it.

YABVU

@SandyY2K It was a few years ago now. I have noticed that the school must have relaxed their rules but at that time it was very strict and there were rules about the rules! If you didn't want to comply with the rules don't send DC to that school.
What I meant by my post was that a stepparent had taken it upon themselves to have a child pierced against the wishes of the biological parent and the rules of the school that child attended.
The post was not about rebellion to the school rules

Mmm, 6 year olds with earrings, chavtastic.

My daughters were 9 and I’d not have dreamed of doing it without their father’s consent. And we’re still married.

Dd had her ears pierced at a little older. (10 I think)
I wouldn’t have dreamed of asking Dp if he would allow it.

It never crossed my mind.

chavtastic? come on. half the little girls i know have their ears pierced, doesn’t make them chavs. horrible thing to say and makes you sound like a right stuck up cow. (and no my daughter doesn’t have pierced earrings before you suggest i’m getting defensive - but if she gets to 6 and asks then i’ll let her get them done.)

Hate the word “chav”, why do ear piercings make someone chav? What a lovely person you are judging people’s choices 😐

YABVU

If my ex took our child to get her ears pierced, especially when so young, without speaking to me first I would be livid.

I wouldn’t allow my 6 year old to have her ears pierced so I have strong views on this but if her father got her ears pierced without consulting me I would be raging. I don’t think I’d trust him to look after her again so it’s become a court matter.

Dd was nine when she got hers done. I wouldn't have done it any sooner as I needed her to be old enough to take care of them.
Never crossed my mind to ask dh!

People are missing the point - this isn't about whether you or others would or have pierced their 6yos ears. It isn't about what the right age is or not.

It's about the discussion between OP and her DH that should or shouldn't have happened prior.

Dd was nine when she got hers done. I wouldn't have done it any sooner as I needed her to be old enough to take care of them. Never crossed my mind to ask dh!

And how would you have felt if dh had taken her at 6 to get hers done without speaking to you?

It depends what kind of investment he has . My ex used to turn up occasionally for 2 hours a fortnight so I wouldn’t of consulted him but an involved parent at 6 yes.

I don't understand why "she wanted it" means you had to have this done. Since when can a 6 year old make a sensible decision about something like this? Ear piercings on primary aged children look ridiculous anyway.

YABU.