AIBU re: lift giving: will she turn up on Friday or not?

[Whiskeychaser]

Second thread.

Thanks for all the support.

Dreading them coming out od school because I can see my dd getting it in the ear from them, and I'm really feeling for her.

Link to first thread to follow in a minute (when I figure it out).

OP - please don't send any more texts. Up until now you have played it perfectly. Do not give the CF any grounds to think that it's bothering you - she will play on this. You have given her ample opportunities for a lift there and back but she couldn't be bothered to get her DD to yours by 6pm so as far as you are concerned that's her decision. If she wants her dog still looking after then it's up to HER to contact you. Please leave it now and have a nice weekend. Well done for keeping your dignity.

I haven't read all the replies, but why couldn't DDs friend catch a cab to your place instead of walking on bad weather days or going all the way to club in a cab? Even if she caught a cab to yours every week surely it would be cheaper than a cab all the way to club. Probably been discussed and I missed it.

LazyDaisey, OP has clearly been really stressed and shown the courage of her conviction to no longer serve a CF. I'm not wobbling my head thank you and think you are showing Queenbee mentality by suggesting this and calling support a mob action.

..

I agree Branleuse. I am finding this sad and horrid. There's ways and means of stopping being taken for a mug without 'stoking the bonfire' as my gran would say

Hilarious! Walking home for 1h30 when they wouldn't even walk 15 min [ I highly doubt it. Nice try tho.

You’ve been amazing and you’re showing your daughter how to be lovely and kind and still have strong boundaries. Hugs zxxx

*I'm having Ringtons hot choc and choc covered ginger biscuit.

dd came down to say she's had a message from the dd asking where we were and that they're having to walk home

Good call to ignore this for tonight OP, I agree.
If & when you or DD respond, make sure it's along the lines of:

"?

• mum says she texted your mum again today to let her know she was sticking to her offer to help if you wanted to get here for 6pm. Your mum ignored that, & obviously chose not to let you come with us, & when it was time to leave, you texted me to say you were staying behind.

How was to I know that meant you wanted a lift back? Your mum didn't tell my mum either, despite knowing we were there. So it was common sense to assume she had made other arrangements for the lift back that she didnt bother tell mum about, just like she didn't bother to tell her she didn't want the lift in. So excuse my mum if she's not bothered about your mum's rudeness & passive aggressive game-playing anymore. Sorry your mum manipulated you into walking home to make a stupid unnecessary point. See you on Monday, have a nice weekend."

Am I the only one thinking I hope they got home ok?

LazyDaisey posting on here trying to make that long walk home go quicker

Am I the only one thinking I hope they got home ok?

Give over, their hardly stranded in a place they dont know, theyve maybe had a long walk home, maybe they can use the time to think about the way they treat other people

Plus, cant prove it but they got a taxi. No way would CF mum walk all that wag after complaining about walking for 10-15 minutes

you did well. She is clearly a practised manipulator and is training her dd in the art. I think you're well rid of her, frankly, and probably the dd too - sad though it is to say about one so young.

They really expected you to wait while they spoke to the group leader?? Massive piss takers!

Aw OP I’m so sorry your kindness has lead to so much sadness. Dd can just say “whydidntyoucomedown to the car if you needed a lift?”.
Text no to the dog and just block them for a few months. I think you and Dd will be fine.

I think she's a massive cf but I also think you are too invested in this thread. If it wasn't for this you would have waited & given them a lift home. I'm not saying what you did was wrong but from what I've read it isn't like you. Always be yourself. I know from experience girls are nightmares. She will be listening to her mum ranting about you & it will put her off you & dd. Believe me, I'm in this exact position. My dc friend has been treating her awful. I've since found out the mum has an issue with me. (Completely ridic issue but thats another story). Kids just follow their parents. Just be prepared it will affect kids friendship. Some parents are so bloody minded & selfish they can't see the wood for the trees. Wish I had your balls!

Without talking or communicating in any way they expected you to wait for an unspecified time for people who have been more than shitty in their attitude

It's how nasty rich people treat staff (I say nasty because not all rich mistreat their staff)

What? Why would she wait? The cheeky mare hadn’t bothered to respond and then hung around with teacher.

Op did absolutely the right thing.

If this thread spurred her on then hoo bloody ray.

She actually sees you as her personal taxi driver.

If either of them wanted a lift, they should have either text or the daughter could have asked yours to wait?

I find it hard to believe that they walked 80 minutes home tonight, seems a silly decision when they could have got a taxi. In fact that’s what your daughter should reply - “why didn’t you get Uber?”

It's about an hour 20 minutes to walk, I think

Shame they didn't take the dog with them, that would've been a lovely long walk for it as she's too tired to do it normally.

Am I the only one thinking I hope they got home ok?

Yep, just you and maybe lazy although she already knows the answer

Wow 2 threads for a 15 minute walk!

@JayAlfredPrufrock

Sorry @jay there was an actual reply.

I mean.... as a teenager I would have text back a 😂 with "this is what happens when you both treat my mum like that. Safe journey."

She sounds abusive and a class manipulator. She just hasnt taken any ownership and let it all out through her DD.

What i would say is the reason she let her dd keep going to the club was because you were offering the lifts. This meant her dd got more invested in the activity. It may be that this is about the lifts issue (your friendship/practicalities) for you but for her its about her dd's being dependent on the activity. She cant stop her going. Her dd has possibly expressed she doesnt want to walk, or asked why she cant still get the lift, the dd may have past form for getting upset over friendships, worries about rejection and so on, and your friend hasn't explained...

I think you probably could have been more explanatory in the beginning, just in the sense of saying you are giving 4 weeks notice, as unfortunately you have too many commitments. That would have given her time to find a solution.

Whether she wants her dd to walk to yours or not is her decision. You cant know the reasons why she doesnt want her doing that. For me i would worry about doing the same route regularly in the dark as you can get followed. So to get cross with her for not wanting that solution isnt really fair.

I think you have to let the past lifts go in the sense that you gave them, its done.

I dont think your friend is thinking about your friendship at all right now, she is more concerned about sorting out the practicalities. So all the stuff about your friendship is going to fall on deaf ears. She is very unlikely to have empathy for you right now. Maybe she will harbour a grudge I don't know.

By the way I am sounding like I am siding with your friend, I am really not!! You literally have done nothing wrong.

I do think maybe try and give this less of your emotional energy and maybe let it blow over for a while. Dont be drawn into the drama or tit for tat.

Also another thing I thought of is that its really important that your DD sees you being assertive and standing up for yourself as she will remember that. Your Dd sounds amazing.