AIBU re: lift giving: will she turn up on Friday or not?

[Whiskeychaser]

Second thread.

Thanks for all the support.

Dreading them coming out od school because I can see my dd getting it in the ear from them, and I'm really feeling for her.

Link to first thread to follow in a minute (when I figure it out).

This Mum and her daughter are really nasty pieces of work.
Your dd deserves better friends.
I’m chuffed that they didn’t turn up for a lift.
Just got to get home and you can draw a line under all of this. 🤞🏻

And @Whiskeychaser you're a really lovely person, reading your latest posts where you're still trying to be ultra-decent even in the face of the awfulness of CF.

Waiting with bated breath to see if CF & younger CF show up & what they do!

5% of 515 votes cast against the OP is 25.
Why would anyone vote that way?

Literally been waiting for this since last week. So many questions, did they turn up? Did they speak to you or DD? Did they just stay at home and are still waiting for you to pick them up? If they are there, will they follow you to the car again? If they do then what happens? Have they already found a new person to drive them around?

The drama continues.....

Sounds like they’ve harpooned a new sucker.

Skimmed through previous posts. Just wanted to pick up on a few things before I update properly.

I didn't know about the behaviour today at school until she came home.

My 1st instinct as her mum was to send a text telling them to get lost.

Yes, the girl has had form in the past for being possessive of my dd's time, but the boundaries my dd had put in place (with my help & encouragement) meant that things had been good for a pretty long time now and my dd was happy with how things were, and wanted to maintain the friendship at that level.

My dd and I talked about her friend's behaviour and how it could be the start of her slipping back to before, and she said she's aware of that but can see her friend is very upset about the club, and wants to give her the benefit of the doubt for today (only) due to the circumstances.

The friend's behaviour has been awful, I agree, and if it was 100% up to me she wouldn't be welcome today or any other, but my dd wants to give her a chance today, and I don't want to make my dd do something she doesn't feel comfortable doing/agree with.

For a start it could push her the other way if I'm too overbearing; this needs to feel like her decision. I've given her my opinion and she'll take that on board.

I've told her I'm not happy with what's happened today, and I'd rather stop this now, but we've agreed to see how today goes & my dd wants to give her friend a chance to apologise to her.

I've said ultimately it's my decision whether to continue going forward with the lifts as I've said I don't want her boundaries with this girl getting 'weaker' again, and I won't allow this girl to treat her like dirt whilst still expecting lifts.

But, I want to give my dd the tools to sort out her own problems, and be assertive but fair, I do not want to dictate to her what she has to do, as that won't help her in the long term.

Also, being assertive and not trying to please everyone is very new to me and doesn't (yet) come naturally, so I don't expect to get it right immediately every time.

I think it's more of a learning curve, and I'm sure I'll still fuck up along the way, but I'm trying to change the habit of a lifetime, which isn't always plain sailing.

My guess is that she will turn up via taxi tonight for a farewell session unless someone can help as "whisky and dd are being so awful!" cue crocodile tears... And they then will follow you to the car as "you are heading back the same way..."

I'd also email the school. She's being bullied over an adults decision by her and her daughter.

I hope it went OK and none of that happened but I know many cf's and this would totally be their next move...

So are CF and CFDD at the club tonight? Will you be giving them a lift home?

Were they there OP?

Been lurking but placemarking because I'm excited for updates

@whiskeychaser it's definitely super difficult to go from being a people pleaser to learning to say no. Especially the first time you do it. Constantly second guessing and having to remind yourself that you matter too. I totally get it. You're doing great.

Also love that you're supporting DD with making her own decision. This is such a great teaching moment.

So presumably you are posting this from the club?
And mum hasn't shown up as you've got time to post in detail?
Has the DD arrived?

Omg I need an update 😝

Shamelessly following for the next installment

Wow, you’ve been great OP!

@Whiskeychaser I literally ran through my weekly shop to get back to your thread. Will she/wont she turn up and/or be at club.

You've done very well in my opinion @Whiskeychaser - your boundaries aren't harsh but do protect your family and your intentions. And you are right no one gets it perfect every time, we respond to how people treat us and this family is really taking the cake.

OP said she would update properly - calm down!!

so I don't expect to get it right immediately
OP you are getting it right. You have been reasonable and not being a doormat. CF on the other hand....not so much.

*Boots there is absolutely no scenario in which this friendship should ever continue

@Nomorelaundry I agree with you. Which is why I said as much when questioning why the OP said she’d only continue giving favours if the girl turned up before 6pm today.

Got a quick text from my dd when she went inside that both mum and dd are there so I'm assuming they got a cab again.

Apparently the girl said hello.

She can't text again so I won't know anything more until it finishes at 8pm.

I've still had no acknowledgement from the mum regarding my texts, etc, even though I can see she's been active on there most of the afternoon so I'm kinda done with this now.

Don't really want to give them a lift back either now as I'm now thinking she'll still expect one, like last week, and if I do that I feel as though I'm allowing her to treat me like dirt.

You'd be an absolute fool to give them a lift back.

God no! No lift back having been so rude, petulant & entitled!

Wow! I cant believe they showed, must have sponged a lift so maybe they'll sponge one back?

If they have the audacity to get into your car you definitely need to have it out with her in the car.

Safe journey op!

Sorry - I mean it’s them that have been rude, petulant & entitled!!

Hell no. She doesn't get to treat you like this and get a lift home. Not a chance. If she comes near the car ask her what she's doing. She can't have it both ways.