DH charging me interest on a ‘loan’ he’s giving me?

[Twirlywirlywurly]

On Tuesday my car finally gave up the ghost. It’s been nothing but trouble for the past 18 months now really, it’s cost me 2k in repairs in that time and Tuesday was the 3rd time in 7 months it’s broken down on me when I’m rushing between clients and meetings (I’m self employed)

Between the constant repairs and having just paid my tax return my savings have been depleted.

The AA man said it was pretty much a right off as it’s an expensive repair (clutch and something else) and the mileage is so high on it anyway that it won’t have that much left in it. I cannot be doing with the constant worry about breaking down and letting my client base down.

I said to DH yesterday ‘that’s it, I’m going to get one on a business lease or get a loan from the bank and get something newer and more reliable.’

DH has never had any type of debt (apart from mortgage) his whole life, he’s always ensured (well for his adult working life) that he has at least 18 months of salary in the bank for a rainy day. He turned around and said ‘I’d rather you didn’t. We’re married, it would be my debt too and I won’t have debt.’

I said well what am I supposed to do then as I’ve just depleted the last of my savings paying my tax return and I cannot be without a car (I’m having to hire one for the rest of the week)

I should add, we’ve been together 7 years and married for 2. DH is a ‘high earner’ and earns 3 x my salary and as stated, has HEFTY (think small house worth) savings in the bank at all times. He then turned around and said ‘I’ll have to do you a loan.’

He’s just emailed me a s/sheet with loan repayments on for the sum of money we agreed on last night. However, the amount was £150 over the agreed loan amount. I replied saying okay re the loan amount payments but that it was £150 more. He’s just replied saying ‘Yes, well over the 3 years I’ll have been earning interest on that money so I think it’s only fair.’

Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful to him for lending me the money, but I never ask him for anything. I’m very financially independent (normally) and certainly never ask him for money. I just feel uneasy with him charging his wife interest?

He’s also pushing for us to start trying for a family in the next few months and I’m thinking, well what will happen with the loan then? It’s a 3 year loan, I won’t be able to pay it once on Maternity leave!

AIBU?

[Soontobe60]

Whilst I agree that this is just wrong on so many levels, I'm also shocked at the number of replies that talk about shared finances and then say 'my DH bought me a car'.
No! You and your DH agreed on the purchase of a new car. Choose your words carefully ladies, you're falling into the patriarchy trap!

[FamBae]

Oh dear, please do not start a family until you are a family unit / team which he definitely is not, whats with the I'll be earning interest should it not be we. What if for some reason you have to give up work? as your self employed you won't have sick pay for example, will he pay you benefits or maternity pay. I'm not belittling your financial independence, I think its great. I have always earned enough money to buy my own knickers after being bought up in home which was financially unbalanced. Please think carefully, no one should feel beholden to their husband / partner.

[peanutfoldover]

How much are you going to charge for growing and delivering his baby?

I’d put that in a spread sheet.

Make sure you add on charges for perineal injury (they’re graded 1-4) and and prolapse or incontinence you are left with.

[liviadrusilla]

This is so wrong. You should not be financially disparate in a marriage - he’s acting like you’re a new girlfriend and he needs to keep his assets separate. This will be completely unworkable if you have children. Please be careful, it sounds like you could end up living a miserable life with him.

[ptumbi]

I don't understand - if he doesn't want you to get a loan (because he would be jointly liable,) why is he suggesting he 'loans' you the money? What happens if you don't pay it - would he take you to court for it?

And please please don't inflict this skinflint of a 'father' on any children.

[KidLorneRoll]

He's a dick. Tell him to shove his loan up his arse.

[formerbabe]

We're far from well off but my dh bought me a car.

Your husband is disgusting. 18 months plus you say of a high salary sitting in savings? He could buy you a decent car out right easily.

[TheOrigRightsofwomen]

I often wonder, don't people discuss finances before they get married?

[Billben]

Crickey! Cross your legs and do not get pregnant by this man. If I was in your situation, I’d go straight to the bank to take that loan out (or buy the car on finance). There is no way I’d give him the satisfaction of him giving me a loan and charging me interest on it.

[Sakura7]

Urgh. I went out with a man like this once. Thankfully he's now an ex.

He's unbelievably selfish and has the potential to be financially abusive.

[SmellMySmellbow]

What the fuck? So on one hand he won't let you get a bank loan because that would be 'family debt', but won't loan you the money interest free because 'family money' is clearly not a thing. He shouldn't be loaning you money at all - it should be a family pot and you just buy a car from it. Miserly bastard. Do not have kids with him until he agrees all earnings go into one pot and it's family money, end of. If he doesn't trust you with his earnings then what the fuck is he wanting kids with you for??

[UYScuti]

He sees you as an employee not as an equal partner in a relationship
As an employee you can resign, go on strike, work to rule etc
I wouldn't be able to trust this man and I wouldn't want to hitch to my wagon to his

[Mylittlepony374]

This is horrible. I've been in a similar situation. My husband bought the car. No loan. No interest. No discussion.
Please please please reconsider your life.

[ScarletAnemone]

Play him at his own game. Work out a fee for the loan of your uterus to grow a baby for him, and the cost of childcare for its first three years. Put it in a spreadsheet and work out how much he is expected to pay you each month.

[Jellybeansincognito]

Get your car on finance. Tell your DH to do one and when you get your divorce settlement ensure he pays off the car debt too 😇

[CaptainButtock]

Good point re. his savings being shared in a divorce. Imagine his face!!

[FamBae]

McBerberLoop very well said.

[QueenofmyPrinces]

This can’t actually be true??!!!

Good God - this is the worst thing I have read in here in a very long time.

Do NOT have a baby with this man.

Sorry OP, but he sounds like a total prick.

[fedupandlookingforchange]

When you go out for a meal do you split the bill or take turns?

Surely if he didn't want to share money he should have maintained separate households.

As others have said don't have a child, its hard enough to adjust to have a baby and the changes that brings to a relationship and life without money being withheld from you.

[flowery]

Oh my goodness. DH earns way way more than I do but all our money is just that- ours. I wouldn’t need to ask him to buy me a new car in your circumstances we would immediately have a discussion about what kind of car WE could afford to buy me. It wouldn’t be a favour he did me, or something he bought me, it would be a joint decision, like every other financial decision/life decision is. What house to buy, what holiday to go on, all joint.

[GiveHerHellFromUs]

@Soontobe60 my favourite was the one that said their savings are shared and their DH chose to get them a car first because he'd know they were safe

[Inliverpool1]

This starts with a loan for YOUR car then becomes you giving up your career to look after the children because you earn less for 5 years. Then you have to contribute 50% out of your lesser salary (Probably part time) to school fees you can’t afford because they are half your children too. When you’ve finally had enough and want to split you’ll be accused of not deserving 50% of the house because you say on your arse for 18 years. And the children will blame you for splitting up the family.
The script has been played out a million times before

[SmellMySmellbow]

At some point he'll twig and realise how much of his precious hoard of gold he'll have to give up if you divorce him over his attitude...

[Tamponphobia]

Divorce the tight bastard and take half of everything!

I cant believe there's still people out there who let themselves get treated like this? Stop being a doormat!

[CarolinaPink]

He's lost the plot...