DH charging me interest on a ‘loan’ he’s giving me?

[Twirlywirlywurly]

On Tuesday my car finally gave up the ghost. It’s been nothing but trouble for the past 18 months now really, it’s cost me 2k in repairs in that time and Tuesday was the 3rd time in 7 months it’s broken down on me when I’m rushing between clients and meetings (I’m self employed)

Between the constant repairs and having just paid my tax return my savings have been depleted.

The AA man said it was pretty much a right off as it’s an expensive repair (clutch and something else) and the mileage is so high on it anyway that it won’t have that much left in it. I cannot be doing with the constant worry about breaking down and letting my client base down.

I said to DH yesterday ‘that’s it, I’m going to get one on a business lease or get a loan from the bank and get something newer and more reliable.’

DH has never had any type of debt (apart from mortgage) his whole life, he’s always ensured (well for his adult working life) that he has at least 18 months of salary in the bank for a rainy day. He turned around and said ‘I’d rather you didn’t. We’re married, it would be my debt too and I won’t have debt.’

I said well what am I supposed to do then as I’ve just depleted the last of my savings paying my tax return and I cannot be without a car (I’m having to hire one for the rest of the week)

I should add, we’ve been together 7 years and married for 2. DH is a ‘high earner’ and earns 3 x my salary and as stated, has HEFTY (think small house worth) savings in the bank at all times. He then turned around and said ‘I’ll have to do you a loan.’

He’s just emailed me a s/sheet with loan repayments on for the sum of money we agreed on last night. However, the amount was £150 over the agreed loan amount. I replied saying okay re the loan amount payments but that it was £150 more. He’s just replied saying ‘Yes, well over the 3 years I’ll have been earning interest on that money so I think it’s only fair.’

Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful to him for lending me the money, but I never ask him for anything. I’m very financially independent (normally) and certainly never ask him for money. I just feel uneasy with him charging his wife interest?

He’s also pushing for us to start trying for a family in the next few months and I’m thinking, well what will happen with the loan then? It’s a 3 year loan, I won’t be able to pay it once on Maternity leave!

AIBU?

I think the fact that the main part you’re concerned about is the interest is a worry. Perhaps you are so used to his controlling ways that you can’t recognise that the whole bigger picture relating to savings, debts and loans is hugely unfair and not how a marriage should work. Perhaps consider marriage counselling, where you can thrash out the details of these arrangements?

Please listen very carefully to what everyone is telling you on this thread.

DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH THIS MAN.

DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH THIS MAN.

Why the fuck can't he just buy you a new car with all that money available. You're in a financially abusive relationship with a man who sees his money as his. I'm not one of those that thinks all his money should be yours and both partners should contribute in a relationship but FFS if you're married you should support the other person if you have the means to and he certainly does.

You need to talk about how finances are going to work with the massive inequality in your earnings. Does he expect you to have a completely different quality of life to him forever? What's he hoarding all that money for so he can watch you struggle financially? This is ridiculous.

I wish children were taught this kind of stuff in schools so they didn't end up in dire situations such as this as adults.

I'm so gobsmacked when I read posts like this?

Out of my savings which is also technically my husbands I paid for Dh to get a new car. He actually paid me back saying (well it's our savings that you keep charge of so it's only right you get the money back) even if he didn't pay me back I know the money still would have been mine/ours!

When you are married, money is both of yours.

I actually can't believe your twat of a husband actually went through a thought process of making a spreadsheet and actually took the time to do it ?

Ask him for a bigger loan. (Maybe 18 months worth of his salary loan) then leave the fucker. He's going to financially abuse you this marriage.

WTF?! He has the money there to buy a fucking car?!

Tell him to stick it and you'll get a loan. Selfish fucker.

He sounds very objective and unsentimental. Maybe you like that about him? Did he express any concern about you driving around in an old and unreliable car? If your car is part of your business it might be better to get finance anyway.

I’m not in the LTB camp necessarily if he’s what you want in a partner. Just be clear how you’ll manage financially when you have children.

Fucking hell! That’s awful.
For context, my DH earns under 40k. We don’t have a huge amount of savings. Yet, he’s still buying me a car and doesn’t want a penny from me. Just to make my life easier. It’s supposed to be a partnership, I think you need to talk to him and consider your future together

I have read quite a few threads on here where the wife is on the bones of her arse and has to beg the husband (who earns, has lots of savings and a jolly amount of spends) for nappies or new shoes, or even food. He grudgingly eeeks out a little amount of cash, complaining all the while that the wife should be covering all costs to do with the childcare. Usually he has demanded she stays at home too.

Do you want this to be you?

Run like the wind, OP!

Go get a proper loan and tell him to stick his interest.
Also you may want to question how he expects to provide during your mat leave when you cant work.

Who paid for your wedding? Or did you have a small one. I'm another one whose dp bought me a car, he sometimes uses it too.

This relationship is not ready for children.

I'm sure everyone has already said what I would, but Wow.. not even about the interest but the loan itself. He should just be buying you the car. You are married. I wouldn't be hanging around in a relationship with someone like that....

He does know that in the event of divorce his savings are yours too right??

I am gobsmacked at this one!! There's being financially independent in marriage and there's not being financially equal. I really do despair when I read these threads.

Out of interest what happens when a house spend is required, ie new fridge etc.... Is that micromanaged to this level too???

JFC. Please tell me this is a joke??

In case it’s not.... DO NOT have children with this man.

Did you know he was like this before you married him?

I always wonder when I read posts about being with odd partners, if someone knew they were like this and married them anyway, because they themselves have issues, or if it it became apparent afterwards. You were with this man for five years before you married him.

My husband and I have a joint account and seperate accounts, we pay a proportion of our earnings into the joint account, any big expenses we either split or one of us pays outright. We keep no tally and generally don't give a shit.

When you get to the level of mean ness that you're charging your spouse fifty quid a year interest, then something is desperately wrong.

The question is has he always been like this or is it relevatively new?

If you knew before you married him then I think you're at fault as much as him, you knew what you were getting into. If you didn't know and this is behaviour that's developed in the last two years then you need to sit down and talk to him about why he's started behaving like this.

YANBU. What a prick!

Nope get out. Red flags all over the place. Do not have a child with this man

I'm in shock.........

My DH would never do this to me. All money coming into the home is 'our' money. My DH would have said, that's what we have a rainy day fund for and we would have gone out together and chosen a new car.

Please show your 'D'H this answer.....

This either needs a divorce or a vey frank and open discussion as to what being married means and that you are a partnership
Is everything split like this or just money? What do you get out of this

Bloody hell! You are going to need some very serious conversations about money if you are going to have children with this man - I see you ending up in serious poverty while he continues to amass massive savings

Goodness me OP, he shown you his true colours with this one, hasn't he?

FWIW, he is factually incorrect though, if you take out a loan in your name, it has nothing to do with him - it doesn't and never will become his debt.

He has quite the cheek though, wanting you to go through all the privations of pregnancy, childbirth and maternity leave for him yet he actually wants to charge you interest on a loan? That's really pretty poor.

Nope I'd be telling him to stick his loan and get a loan. What a skin flint!

I sincerely hope that this is a joke.
I cannot believe that anyone would put up with this shit.
I would be filing divorce papers

Also what happens if you say, ‘actually, I feel weird paying you interest, I’ll just get a car loan/pcp thanks’?